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Their Brain Is Already Filled With Rocks

| Right | November 23, 2016

(A woman has called in to ask question about a purse she saw online.)

Customer: “How much does it weigh?”

Me: “It looks like it weighs ten ounces.”

Customer: Is that the weight empty?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “Fill it up and weigh it again. I’m not allowed to lift more than five pounds; it has to be less than that full.”

Me: “The weight will depend on what you choose to put in it.”

Customer: “What do you mean?”

Me: “Well, if I fill it with rocks it will weigh more than if I fill it with feathers.”

Customer: “What? No! It will be full. It will weigh the full weight. That will be the same!”

I Don’t Work Here Does Not Work Here

, | Right | November 23, 2016

(I’m shopping at a store where the employees wear red and khaki. I am wearing a black tee shirt, blue jeans, and pushing a cart.)

Woman: “Excuse me! Excuse me! Can I ask you something?”

(Since there is no one else around I push my cart over to her. She’s in the hosiery section, and she’s opened two boxes of pantyhose and has a one leg of each color on a different arm.)

Me: “Yes?”

Woman: “Which one is lighter, do you think?”

Me: “The one on the right.”

Woman: “It still looks too dark though, doesn’t it? I mean, for my skin tone?”

Me: “No, I honestly don’t think so. It will look lighter when it’s on your leg. I think it’s fine.”

Woman: “Do they make this in a lighter shade?”

Me: “I honestly don’t know. I’ve never bought that brand before.”

Woman: *getting exasperated* “Well, can you find out?”

Me: “No, I can’t. Maybe if you asked someone who actually works here.”

Woman: *eye wide* “You don’t work here?”

Me: *sweeping my arm to indicate my attire and cart* “No, I sure don’t.”

Woman: “Well, why did you come over when I asked for help then?!”

Me: “Um… because I’m nice?

Heard It Loud And Clear

| Related | November 20, 2016

(I give out free samples, and on this day I am doing chips and salsa. A father comes up with his two young sons (about two and four, I’d guess) and the youngest doesn’t want salsa so I just give them a few chips on a napkin.)

Dad: “What do you say to the nice lady?”

Boys: *mumbling as they walk away* “Thank you!”

Dad: “How about you say it TO her so she can hear?”

Four Year Old: *turns with a big smile, waves, and calls out* “To her!”

(Cue my uncontrollable laughter.)

A Sticker Sticking Point

| Right | November 19, 2016

(I work as a cashier in a well-known chain. We have a customer who likes to remove clearance stickers off cheap items and attach them to full-price items, then go to the newest cashiers who won’t argue it much. She comes up to my register when I am still fairly new, but have been working long enough to recognize her. I scan an expensive children’s toy that rings up at $49.99)

Customer: “Excuse me? The sticker says it’s on clearance for $2.44.”

(I look at the register where it says $49.99, and then look at the clearance sticker. I immediately realize what’s going on, but since we aren’t allowed to accuse anyone of something, I play along. I type in the product number on the sticker and it comes up as a decorative herb container from home decor, not even remotely close to anything resembling a toy.)

Me: “Huh, that’s strange. Oh, I see. Another customer must have put the sticker on this one for some reason. This wouldn’t have been something we did, it’s from a completely different department. Sorry, but the actual price is $49.99. See the sticker? It’s originally for a $5 item. I can take 10% off for your troubles.”

Customer: *being nice, but uncooperative* “Uh, no. The sticker says it’s on clearance. This is for my son’s birthday and I can’t spend fifty bucks on some toy. I found it on the shelf like this. You need to honor it.”

Me: “I can get my manager and see what she says, but I doubt we can give it to you for less than $3.” *I turn on my light and wait for my manager to arrive*

Manager: “How can I help?”

(The customer jumps in to explain the situation before I can. My manager takes a look and enters the product number like I did while listening to the customer.)

Manager: “Unfortunately, I can’t honor this. Likely a customer put this on here intending to get it for cheap, but never came back for it. I can offer you 10% off.”

Customer: “Like I told her, I can’t do that. I really think you should honor it.”

Manager: “I’m sorry; we can’t do that.”

Customer: “Is there someone else you can ask?”

Manager: “I’ll see what I can do and be right back.”

(My manager goes into her office and the woman, who has been mostly friendly at this point, tries to chat me up, saying “This always happens to me every time, blah blah.” Finally my manager returns.)

Manager: “I spoke to the store manager himself and he said we can do 50% off since the sticker was for 50% off the intended item, but we cannot do the $2.44. You can have it for $24.49 instead, which is still a great deal for such a popular toy.”

Customer: *giving my manager a nasty look and getting angry* “Seriously? Ugh. Fine, never mind, then. I don’t want it if you won’t honor your own prices. Take it off and finish it up.”

(My manager took the item back to the service desk where she took the sticker off and threw it away. The customer didn’t even acknowledge me after that. Later on, my manager came back up with the item the sticker was intended for, and you could see where a sticker had been removed.)

Getting All Up In Your Hair(style)

| Friendly | November 18, 2016

(I’m twelve, and my brother is nine. My twin sister and I have always been into stereotypically girly things, and our little brother followed in our footsteps. He dropped most of it by the time he was around six, but he still enjoys cutting and styling hair. Today, we’re at [Toy Store], buying a present for my niece.)

Brother: “Mom! Look! A hairstyling Barbie head! Please can I have it?! Please?!”

Mom: “Okay, fine.”

(We find the toy for my niece and continue to the checkout. After my mom buys the styling head, my brother gleefully pulls it off the counter.)

Brother: “Yay!”

Customer: “That’s for you?”

Brother: “Yeah! I wanna be a hairstylist when I grow up!”

Customer: *to my mom* “Oh! Is this your child? Of course! Only a dirty Mexican would let their child be a f******!”

(The lady seems very proud of herself for “figuring this out.” My mom has a very special place in her heart for people like this, and this lady really got her steamed!)

Mom: “Okay, first of all, I’m Filipino, and I’ve spent all of forty-three years in the USA, and I am forty-six. Second, how dare you insult my child like that?! If he wants to be a hairstylist, I am going to encourage him, whether he be gay, straight, or bi! Finally, just because a boy likes hairstyling does not define his sexual orientation! And why should it matter?!”

Customer: “You f***ing Mexicans! You’re all rapists and f**s! Get the h*** outta my country! Little Mexican b**** with your family of s***s and f**s!”

(The customer continued to shriek profanities until security came and escorted her out!)