Honesty In A Modern Age

| Right | September 15, 2011

Me: “Hey, you look like you’re looking for something in particular. What brings you into [store] today?”

Customer: “Yeah, I need to buy a USB port. Where you guys keep them?”

Me: “So, what is it you’re trying to do? Do you just need a USB hub? Are you trying to get more USB ports on your computer?”

Customer: “No, I just need a USB port. My friend’s trying to get some pictures off her computer.”

Me: “Oh, so you need a flash drive?”

Customer: *laughing* “Yeah, I guess it’s been one of those days. I’m sure you’re going to go and tell all your co-workers about this aren’t you? That’s fine, I was an idiot.”

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Narcoleptic Nancy’s Inconvenient Nap

| Right | September 14, 2011

(There are a dozen people in line waiting for three fitting rooms.)

Customer: “Someone’s been inside room #1 for a long time.”

(I walk over and the other customers confirm. I’m told no one has come out of that particular room for 15 minutes. The door is indeed locked. I knock and there’s no response. I knock harder and still no response.)

Me: “That’s weird. The door is locked, not stuck. It can only be locked from the inside or with a key. Did you see who went in there?”

Customer: “Yes, some lady.”

(I bang on the door this time. Again, no response. I go to get the key and open the door. Inside is a fully dressed lady sitting on the bench sleeping. Store clothes are strewn on the floor. I have to shake her to wake her up.)

Lady: *slurred* “What?”

Me: “Ma’am, you’re sleeping in our fitting room and there’s a line of people waiting. You weren’t responding when we knocked, so I had to come in to check on you.”

Lady: “Oh! My goodness, I’m so sorry! I’m really tired, and on top of that, I’m a very sound sleeper!”

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Cordless & Clueless

| Right | September 14, 2011

Customer: “Hi, I’m looking for a cordless phone.”

Me: “No problem, they’re just over here.”

Customer: ‘I’m wanting one without batteries and that you plug into the mains, do you have any?”

Me: “That would defeat the point of a cordless phone wouldn’t it?”

Customer: “No, I had one last time!”

Me: “Was it like this?”

(I show her the corded phones.)

Customer: “Yes! See, a cordless phone you plug in!”

 

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Future Treasury Secretaries Of America

| Right | September 12, 2011

(I am a customer at a sporting goods store. As I am walking towards the restroom, I hear a little boy asking his mom to buy him something.)

Boy: “Mommy, I want this!”

Mom: “No, honey, we’re not going to buy that. Let’s go.”

Boy: “But why?”

Mom: “We’re not going to buy it because it is a waste of money!”

Boy: “But we can just buy more money!”

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When Mothers In Laws Are Brothers In Arms

| Romantic | September 12, 2011

(I am shopping with my husband at a well-known lingerie store. We overhear another couple talking about a bra.)

Wife: “You know, it just doesn’t look like they have this bra in my size.”

Husband: “What size again?”

Wife: “38C, honey.”

(The husband pulls out the 38D drawer.)

Husband: “But they have it in a 38D, beautiful.”

Wife: “Bras aren’t like a pair of pants! You can’t just use a belt to make them tighter. It doesn’t work that way!”

Husband: “Oh…uh, wishful thinking?”

Wife: “Well, I never!

(The wife storms out of store with her husband trailing behind.)

Me, to my husband: “Note to you: never say that to me.”

My husband: “I would never dream of it. You’d kill me, and then my mom would bring me back and kill me again!”

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