ADD: Acronym Defiling Dad

| Right | October 21, 2010

Customer:“Hey I was wondering if you sold some of that ‘Ahhhdorol’ or ‘Ridalaain’?”

Me: “No those are prescription drugs. All we sell here is Advil and caffeine pills.”

Customer: “D*** it! My son has ADHD. You know…Attention Defiant Hyper Disorder?”

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A Brief Question

| Right | October 20, 2010

(I am working in a lingerie department and a male customer approaches me.)

Customer: “Hi, I need help with something.”

Me: “Sure what are you looking for?”

Customer: “I need a bra for my wife.”

(We go through different types and styles.)

Me: “So what size is she?”

Customer: “What do you mean?”

Me: “Is she an A,B,C? How big is her back size?”

Customer: “Well she’s smaller than you, not that you’re not pretty!”

Me: “Right, okay. Is she the same shape as any of the other girls here?”

(Finally we find a 32C bra and he wanders off happy. Ten minutes later he comes back up to me, slightly flustered.)

Customer: “I cant find 32C panties!”

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Try Telling That To The Banks

| Right | October 19, 2010

(I am working the returns counter when a couple walks in with a set of weights.)

Me: “How can we help you today?”

Customer: “Yeah, we need to return this. It’s the wrong color.”

Me: “Okay, do you have your receipt?”

Customer: “Yes. But we’re going to do an exchange for something cheaper. Is it alright if we get what’s left over on a gift card?”

Me: “Sure.”

(The couple go shopping and come back. We go through the transaction.)

Me: “Alright, so $60.00 will be credited back. Do you have the credit card you used?”

Customer: “But we wanted the extra on a gift card.”

Me: “Yes, but since theft is a common problem, it’s store policy to check your ID first.  I just need to verify that you have the original card.”

Customer: “But we want the extra on a gift card.  Do you understand? What’s left over, on a gift card!”

Me: “Yes, I understand, but I need to see the original card first.”

Customer: “But I don’t have it. I don’t own that card!”

Me: “Then I’m afraid we can’t do this transaction.”

Customer: “No, you don’t understand. I want what’s left over on a gift card, so that my wife can use it!”

Me: “Yes, but sir, it’s illegal for us to take somebody else’s money without their permission.”

Customer: “God D*****! Since when do you need permission to get somebody else’s money?”

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Freudian (Pay) Slip

| Right | October 18, 2010

(I am ringing up a mother and her son.)

Me: “Alright, ma’am, your total is $**.**.”

Son: “Wow, that is so much money! You’re taking all my momma’s money!”

Me: “Actually, your mother is paying for the items that she just purchased, and I’m not the one who gets the money anyways.”

Son: “Do you think I’m dumb? You get all the money; why else would you be here?”

Me: “The money that is paid here is made by the company. I’m here because the company pays me to check out customers.”

Son: “That’s stupid. You should get to keep the money.”

(As I’m about to respond, the mother chimes in.)

Mother: “Just ignore him, he’s stupid.”

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How Not To Courier Favor In The Marriage

| Right | October 13, 2010

(A customer calls about a delivery.)

Me: “Ma’am we can’t guarantee your delivery by any certain time. If you look at the order you’ll see it says estimated delivery date.”

Caller: “I don’t care what it says. All I know is that it says today’s date between 8 am and 5 pm.”

Me: “Ma’am, that was just the estimated date. Your order will be to your house on Monday.”

Caller: “Are you stupid? It has today’s date on it.”

Me: “Is there anyone else in your home that I can speak to about this?”

Caller: “My husband, hang on.”

(She puts husband on the phone.)

Me: “Sir, could you please explain to your wife that the delivery is not guaranteed today? The date on the order is an estimate and it will be there on Monday.”

Caller’s Husband: *yelling at wife* “God d*** can’t you f***ing read! It says estimated date right there. It will be here Monday! Tell the guy you’re sorry for being a dumba**.”

(He puts wife back on the phone.)

Caller: “I’m sorry I didn’t see that. Have a nice night.” *click*

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