(My aunt works at a large retailer. A customer comes through her till on a day when the debit/credit machines are down. They have large signs posted near the doors as well as on every till. There are also announcements every ten minutes that it is a cash only day because of the blackout earlier. This day, she is working in the express lane. After scanning all the customer’s items through:)

Aunt: “Okay, your total today is [total].”

(The customer holds up his card.)

Aunt: “Today our machines are down because of the blackout; you need to pay cash.”

Customer: “I didn’t know that!”

Aunt: “We have signs up near the door and also on every till as well as right here.”

(She taps the sign that is right beside her register’s screen.)

Customer: “Oh, well, I don’t read signs.”

Aunt: “We also have had an announcement about every ten minutes over the intercom about it. You must have heard it at least twice while you were waiting in line.”

Customer: “I don’t pay attention to those announcements!”

(He took cash out and left.)

(I work at a store that mainly sells barbecues, but also sells accessories and sauces. The store doesn’t typically have massive discounts on barbecues because the markup isn’t all that much over cost. This happens one night after closing:)

Manager: “I think I have an awesome idea for a promotion. We should give people a 10% discount on a barbecue if they eat a pickled habanero.”

Me: “Uh… that’s probably not a good idea. They are really hot. People have died from the side effects of eating hot foods that are outside their tolerance.”

Manager: “They can’t be that hot. They’re pickled. You’ve tried them, haven’t you?”

(My manager and most of the rest of the staff know that I am a chili head — someone that enjoys incredibly hot foods.)

Me: “Yeah, I took a jar home that had expired. They were spicy.”

(Hot sauces don’t go bad, but we aren’t allowed to sell them if they have an expiry date printed on them and it has passed.)

Manager: “Well, that was an old jar. They must have gotten hotter.”

(This doesn’t make sense to me, as the pickling juice would absorb the capsaicin, the stuff that makes hot peppers hot, making the old jar lose heat as time went on.)

Manager: “Let’s pop open a new jar and see.”

(The manager and I, as well as the rest of the staff still there, head to where the sauces are kept, and he opens a new jar and hands it to me.)

Manager: “Try one. See if it’s hot.”

(I take a habanero out and pop it in my mouth and start to chew. I feel a slight tingle, which I have learned means most people would be screaming from the pain now.)

Me: “Yeah, they’re hot.”

Manager: *giving me a funny look* “You’re not freaking out. You’re not even sweating. They can’t be that hot.”

Me: “Take my word for it. They are hot.”

Manager: “Give me one of those.”

Me: *doubtfully* “Are you sure?”

Manager: “I like hot foods, too. They can’t be that hot if you’re not reacting.”

Me: “Fine.”

(I pass him the jar, and he takes out a habanero and pops it in his mouth. Almost immediately his face turns red and his forehead starts beading with sweat.)

Manager: “OH, MY GOD!”

Me: “I warned you.”

(The manager ran to the back where we kept a small fridge for employee lunches and stole someone’s egg salad sandwich, and came back to the front eating it and moaning in pain. He agreed that it was a bad idea, and I got a new bottle of pickled habaneros to take home.)

(We sell somewhat expensive shoes since most items are genuine leather. I’m just a simple store associate. I live in an area of Canada where it can be very icy during winter. This lady walks in and she’s been in the store before asking the same question…)

Lady: “Hello, did you happen to get in any grips for the back of boots?”

Me: “We have inserts to put in the back of boots—”

Lady: “No, I mean on the bottom of the shoe.”

Me: “No, sorry. We don’t sell any bottom grips for shoes here. There are other stores that likely carry them.”

Lady: “That’s strange that you don’t carry them. They’re so important this time of year…”

Me: “Yes, it is, but unfortunately we are an American-run company, and we only get in specific items for the store.”

Lady: “Well, you should get some in. You should tell your manager to get some in.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but that wouldn’t do anything. Like I said, we are a large-scale, corporately-owned company. If you’d like, you can go to the website and try sending them an e-mail suggesting you’d like a product like that, or try giving corporate a phone call.”

Lady: *she turns away rudely sticking her nose up* “I don’t have the time!”

(Clearly she has never worked a day in her life in retail. It’s just humorous that she thought I would have the time and that me asking my manager to get in a product the company doesn’t make would accomplish anything.)

(A couple of men have come into our store. I get called by a staff member to deal with them as she is feeling a bit intimidated. One of the men is rude and swearing.)

Me: “Hi, can I help you with anything today?”

Customer: “We are after curtain rods and curtains.”

(He has one of the heaviest curtains we have and one of the cheapest, lightweight rod sets.)

Me: “That rod set is more suited to a lightweight lace curtain. You will need to add extra supports but I can’t guarantee that the rod won’t bend from the weight of that curtain. I can show you something more suited.”

Customer: *walking off* “F****** h***!” *keeps on swearing for a while and then comes back* “I’m an engineer and I know what you are telling me is wrong. I don’t need any of that extra stuff. I’ve got a degree and you don’t. I know what I’m talking about; you are just trying to make me spend more money.”

(I am inwardly debating whether to tell him where he can shove his degree and stopping myself telling that he could just f*** off. I bite my tongue and say nothing while he continues on with his rant.)

Customer: “I’m right!  I know I just need… Wait a minute… S***! You’re right, aren’t you?”

(He ends up buying $700 on curtains and rods, as well as ordering another $700 worth of items. Before he leaves:)

Customer: “I need to apologise for how I’ve been acting and what I’ve been saying. You really showed tolerance and handled yourself really well when I was being abusive. I know good customer relations because I work in customer relations. You are good. Thank you.” *he leaves smiling*

Coworker: “I’m sorry I stuck you with him; I couldn’t handle him. I don’t know how you did. How did you do it?”

Me: “With a sore tongue.”

Coworker: “Huh?”

Me: “It was either bite my tongue or bite his head off. I figured my tongue was the less messy one.”

(I am a customer in line behind a lady who is checking out. The cashier is a young man, around 17 or 18. Most of the employees have some kind of personal item in addition to their uniform. This cashier was wearing a funny alien hat.)

Lady: *digging through her purse* “I think I have a coupon for…” *she looks up* “WHAT… happened to your HEAD?!”

(At this point, she got my immediate attention and I take notice of the silly hat that in no way looks like skin or hair. It looks like a gray cloth hat with alien eyes on it.)

Cashier: *confused* “My… head…? *puts his hand on his hat*

Lady: “You need to get to a hospital! Your whole head! It’s gray!”

Cashier: *takes his hat off and touches his hair* “I did hit my head earlier. I hope I’m not bleeding…”

Lady: *throws her hands over her mouth* “YOU JUST… TORE IT…” *she then grabs her bag and runs out of the store*

(The cashier and I are both stunned and just watch her leave.)

Cashier: “I think I’m going to go on break now.”