Full-On Fraud Fail

, | Right | February 7, 2011

Customer: “I need to cash my paycheck, please.”

Me: “Okay, may I see your ID?”

Customer: “Sure!”

Me: “Sir, this check hasn’t been signed.”

Customer: “What? Oh, I see. Hang on a second.”

(The customer signs the check in front of me with great flourish and hands it back.)

Me: “You know I can’t cash this for you, right?”

Customer: “Why not?  It’s signed!”

Me: “Sir, this is a check from [employer]. We cash about half of their payroll checks every pay period. One, it’s not their payday. Two, this isn’t their logo. Three, this isn’t their bank. Four, you just forged a signature in front of me, on camera.”

Customer: “It’s a good check!”

Me: “Well, I’m sure the officer standing in line behind you would love to hear all about it. Did I also mention that we cash payroll checks from the city, too?”

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Fighting Ignorance With Ignorance, Part 2

| Right | February 7, 2011

(I am working in the clothing section of a department store when I overhear this conversation. Note: I work with a very nice woman who moved to America from India about ten years ago.)

Mother: “Did you find everything you needed, hon?”

Child: “Yep! A really nice Indian lady helped me.”

Mother: “No, no! We don’t say Indian. We say ‘Native American.'”

Child: “No, mom, not that kind of Indian. One from India!”

Mother: “Don’t be silly, hon. We took their country from them, not gave them one.”

 

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Don’t Make A Rash Purchase

| Right | February 5, 2011

Customer: “I need a matte eye-shadow because I’m allergic to shiny.”
 
Me: “Do you know what ingredient you’re allergic to in shiny eyeshadow?”
 
Customer: “Shiny! You know, shiny! I’m very sensitive!”
 
Me: “Well, our matte eye-shadows are here.”
 
(I pull aside the testers for the few matte products we have.)
 
Customer: “Can I try this one?”
 
Me: “Sure!”
 
(I go to get a disposable brush. When I turn around, the customer has her eyes closed and is holding the tester millimeters from her eye. She opens her eyes to see me staring at her holding out a brush.)
 
Customer: “I’m not allergic. I can tell using muscle testing. I’m very sensitive! This is a good one! What other colors do you have?”
 
(She spent the next 20 minutes holding various products ‘testing them’ and announcing everything she was allergic to.)

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Backwards Driving, Loopy Logic

| Right | February 3, 2011

(I work in a store with a donut-shaped, one-way parking lot.)

Customer: “Your parking lot is way too dangerous! I was trying to go for a spot and someone came the other way. There was no space to get around each other! What if we crashed?”

Me: “Which way did you go when you entered the lot? Straight or to the right?”

Customer: “I went straight, towards the doors! What does that matter?”

Me: “Well, everyone is supposed to go one way in the parking lot to avoid that kind of situation.”

Customer: “Then that idiot was going the wrong way! Someone should be out there monitoring the lot!”

Me: “Actually, ma’am, you’re supposed to turn right when you enter the parking lot. Everyone moves in a counter-clockwise direction.”

Customer: “And I’m supposed to just know that? The road should be marked!”

Me: “It is, ma’am.”

Customer: “It certainly is not!”

(I lead the customer to a window overlooking the lot and the customer sees enormous white arrows painted the entire way through, showing which way to go.)

Customer: “What, you expect me to be looking at the road when I drive!?”

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The Customer Is Always Righteous

| Right | February 3, 2011

(A regular customer comes into our store. She’s known to be very difficult to please.)

Customer: “Good evening.”

Me: *cheerily, while ringing her items up* “Good evening, ma’am! That’s $5.31, please.”

(She puts a credit card down in front of me, which I ring through the register.)

Me: “If you could please sign right there…”

(I point, and she does. I bag her items and hand her the bag, her credit card, and her receipt. She takes them slowly and I think I’ve done a good job, but apparently not.)

Customer: “You dishonor me! You dishonor me and you will burn for it!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am.”

Customer: “God honors me! You don’t, and you will burn! I don’t know, I’m not God. But that’s what he’s saying. You dishonor me and you will burn!” *walks away*

Me: *totally speechless*

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