Making Excuses For A Lack Of Brain Cells

, , , | | Right | November 28, 2007

Customer: “Okay, I’m all set.”

Me: *rings the draperies she wants up* “Okay, your total is $768.22.”

Customer: “What?! Aren’t they on sale?”

Me: “No, only the pleated draperies are on sale.”

Customer: “What’s the difference? Why aren’t these ones on sale too?!

(Customer’s husband comes over.)

Husband: “What’s going on?”

Customer: *to Husband* “These panels aren’t on sale!”

Husband: “Oh… well, how much does it come up to?”

Customer: “They come out to like $800 bucks.”

Husband: “Well… what do you wanna do?”

Customer: *sigh* “There are signs EVERYWHERE saying that these are on sale.”

Me: “No, there are signs everywhere saying that the PLEATED draperies are on sale.”

Customer: “But that entire room has signs! They all say they’re 20% off.”

Me: “I’m sorry to say, but all the signs in that room all say, ‘SALE: All Pleated Draperies 20% Off.’ Want me to show you?”

Customer: “No, it’s fine… Whatever.”

(I finish ringing up the transaction.)

Customer: *signing receipt* “Ugh, it’s just misleading, you know? There are literally a hundred signs in that room that say that the draperies are on sale.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but they do specify what kind of draperies are on sale.”

Lady: “Well, I don’t buy draperies every day, so I don’t pay attention to stupid details like that!”

Me: “Okay… I hope they work out for you. Have a good day.”

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July, November, It’s All The Same

, , | | Right | November 27, 2007

Customer: “Where is your jewelry?”

Me: *standing behind three counters full of jewelry* “Right here, ma’am.”

Customer: “No, the jewelry on sale!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but we aren’t having a sale on jewelry this month.”

Customer: “But I was here in July and it was on sale.”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, and now it’s November and it’s not on sale.”

Customer: “Well can’t you give me the sale prices, anyway?”

Me: “Ummm, no.”

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The Problem With Analogies

, , | | Right | November 26, 2007

(A customer wanders down the paint aisle where I’m working and asks for advice on which paint to use. I tell him, and he asks for the differences between brands)

Me: “[Brand #1] is just a bit thicker than [Brand #2]. But other than that, they’re pretty much the same.”

Customer: “What do you mean, ‘thicker’?”

Me: “The paint has a thicker consistency.”

Customer: “I don’t understand.”

Me: “Do you know what cake batter looks like? And water?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Cake batter is thicker than water, like [Brand #1] is thicker than [Brand #2].”

Customer: “[Brand #1] is cake batter?”

(It went on like this for a while. I end up leaving him there to contemplate)

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Awesome Customers Do Exist

| | Right | November 22, 2007

(8:55 pm: I’m guarding the door at work, waiting for the last couple of customers to finish up and get the heck out. They are going kinda slow, but I can’t kick them out because they were in the store before we close.

9:05 pm: They finally got what movies they wanted and are just about to pay when another guy tries to come in)

Late Customer: “Hold on please! I just need to get one thing!”

Me: “Sorry sir, it’s past 9pm. These are the last customers for the night.”

Late Customer: “But all I want to get is a PS2. Why can’t you get it for me?”

Me: “Because you came in after 9, we want to close up.”

Late Customer: “But they are getting stuff.”

Me: “They were in here before 9.”

Late Customer: “So you aren’t gonna help me? I wanna speak to your manager! Are you the manager?”

(This is the fun part, one of the women buying stuff chimes in)

Woman Customer: “Yeah, I’m the manager and we need to get the heck out of here to go home! You should have gotten here earlier!”

Late Customer: *Flabbergasted* “Wha? Well… YOU LOST A SALE!” *storms out*

Manager (the real one): “…Wow. Thank you very much!”

Me: “Ditto! Thanks a lot and have a wonderful night!”

Source

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Delusional Hearingitis

, , | | Right | November 14, 2007

(We close at 7:00 pm every Sunday. A couple is still shopping in my department at 7:13 pm and we already had a call from security to tell them to get out)

Me: “Ma’am, just to let you know we’re already closed. If you need to buy something please bring it to the counter now.”

Customer: “Closed? What time do you guys close? It’s only 7:13!”

Me: “We closed at 7:00.”

Customer: “Honey, hurry up. They’re about to close. Who’s ever heard of a store that closes at 7:13 pm. That’s just so weird!”

Me: “Ma’am, we closed 13 minutes ago; we’ve been closing at 7:00 for at least the past six years I’ve been here, and there’s nothing weird about that.”

Customer: “Well, I just thought that it would make more sense if you guys closed on an hour. Or at least least have an announcement if you guys are closing at some queer hour.”

Me: “Ma’am, there were four announcements, loud and clear, before we closed.”

Customer: “But why would you close a store at 7:13? That’s just queer. Are you sure the store is even closed?”

Me: “Again, ma’am, we closed 13 minutes ago at 7:00, and yes I’m sure the store is closed. Why would I be lying?”

Customer: “I don’t know. *her boyfriend comes out of the fitting room* “Honey, c’mon, let’s buy this stuff and get out of here. Can you believe they close the store at 7:20? Isn’t that just so weird?”

Me: “SEVEN! We CLOSED at SEVEN o’clock!”

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