The Joy Of Sex(ism)

| | Right | February 23, 2008

(I’m a 28 year old female and work for a computer store. I’m alone in the store when a middle-aged man walks in.)

Me: “Hi there, can I help you?”

Customer: “Are there any computer guys around here?”

Me: “Just me at the moment, anything I can help you with?”

Customer: *tries to look behind me to the stock room and repair area* “Well, aren’t there any computer GUYS here?”

Me: “No. Look, is there anything I can help you with?”

Customer: “Well um…I need this fixed.” *holds a multimedia
jukebox*

Me: “Well, I work in repairs as well so just tell me what’s wrong with it and I’ll take a look at it for you.”

Customer: “Listen, I just need to talk to a computer guy! I did everything right. I put the hard disk in but it still won’t work. Just get a guy to fix it!”

Me: “Well, the most common mistake is when people forget to format the hard disk. I can have that fixed in 5 minutes.”

Customer: “Yeah sure. Get one of the tech GUYS to do it and call me when it’s ready.”

Me: “Sure, no problem.”

(I went back and of course he hadn’t formatted the disk. I fix it and call the guy who shows up immediately.)

Me: “Here you go. As I thought you had just forgotten to format the disk. I did that for you and it’s working fine now.”

Customer: “No, that can’t have been the problem. I KNOW computers.”

Me: “Well, this isn’t a computer, and it’s a common mistake to make when you put the hard disk in yourself. Anyway, I fixed it for you so everything should be fine now.”

Customer: “Look, isn’t there a computer GUY I could talk to?”

Me: *losing will to live and considering a sex change*

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A Pain In The Ask

| | Right | February 23, 2008

(This customer bought a couple packs of white t-shirts and socks.)

Me: “Your total is $28.77.”

Customer: “Were the shirts on sale?”

Me: “Yes, they were $2 off.”

Customer: “How do you know?”

Me: “…because that’s what the sale price is. See? It shows it here on the register screen.”

Customer: “Oh okay. But were they on sale?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “Okay. Were the socks on sale?”

Me: “No.”

Customer: “Why not?”

Me: “Our sales change weekly and this week these socks aren’t on sale.”

Customer: “Why not?”

Me: “Because they aren’t on sale this week.”

Customer: “But why?”

Me: “I don’t know…corporate decides the sales.”

Customer: “Oh okay. What’s the total?”

Me: “$28.77.”

(The customer gives me $40 and I give him his $11.23. I used two $5 bills instead of a 10 because I didn’t have any 10s in my till.)

Customer: “I want a 10, I don’t want two fives!”

Me: “Sorry, I don’t have any tens in my drawer. I only have fives.”

Customer: “Why do you think that is?”

Me: “Well, when I get change from my supervisors they just give me fives. They don’t usually have any tens. And also customers just don’t usually pay with tens.”

Customer: “But why do you think that is?”

Me: “I don’t really know. Probably because the customers usually get money from ATMs and they only give out twenties.”

Customer: “Why do you think that is?”

Me: “I don’t know. I guess the banks just think that people really just need twenties.”

Customer, frustrated: “Wait, why are we talking about banks?”

Me: “I don’t know, you brought it up.”

Customer: “I don’t want two fives, I want a ten!”

Me: “Go ask at customer service. They might have some.”

Customer: “Why do you think that is?”

(I call the manager who gets the guy his ten. He finally leaves after asking me again if the socks were on sale.)

 

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Mmmm, Cherry-Flavored Maxi Pads

| | Right | February 22, 2008

(Around Easter, stacking poorly transported eggs and bunnies onto a shelf. A young girl, around 16, approaches me.)

Customer: “Can you tell me where the confectionery is?”

(I am slightly bemused, as we are standing next to the confectionery aisle.)

Me: “Yes, it is just there.”

(She looks, and furrows he brow.)

Customer: “No. Confectionery.”

Me: *pointing again* “Yes, there.”

(She looks even more angry now.)

Customer: “No. The c o n f e c t i o n e r y!”

Me: “Yes…there.”

Customer: “Nooo. The confectionery, like tampons and stuff!”

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F*** The Benefits, We Want Combat Pay

| | Right | February 22, 2008

(So we have this awful woman who regularly shops at our store. One day we were extremely busy and a coworker of mine was struggling to fit shoes for three children.)

Mean lady: “Bring me this size!”

Coworker: *disappears out back for a few seconds* “I’m sorry ma’am, but it appears we’ve sold our last pair.”

Mean lady: *throws shoe box at co workers head, hitting her squarely in the forehead*

Coworker: “Ouch…”

Mean Lady: “I hate you!”

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This Job May Involve Occasional Groping

| | Right | February 21, 2008

(A VERY high customer approaches me.)

Customer: “I NEED A WATCH!”

Me: “Alright…did you have anything in mind?”

Customer: “Not too expensive, with a leather band, and it has to match theeeessseee.” *points to his brown leather bracelets*

Me: “Okay, what about something like this?” *holds up watch*

Customer: “NO THIS ONE!”

(He points to a VERY expensive watch with a black metal band that meets NONE of his above mentioned requirements.)

Me: “Well, that watch is rather expensive…”

Customer: “NOT TOO EXPENSIVE!”

Me: “Okaaay…what about these?” *points to customizable watches*

Customer: “I like those two! I like them because they’re round.” *one of the watch faces is, in fact, square*

Me: “…”

(Customer now attempts to answer his ringing phone, accidentally drops it, and while attempting to pick it up, falls onto my male boss. He groggily apologizes, then staggers out of the store to take the call, leaving behind his purchase from another store.)

Boss: “Is that guy high?”

Me: “As a kite.”

Boss: “Oh, okay. Because he just groped me.”

Me: *dies laughing*

(Customer now returns, accompanied by a friend. Customer continues to be stupid, while friend tries to shoplift. After all this has gone on, customer and friend go to talk to Boss.)

Them: “So are you guys hiring?”

Boss: “Am I hiring druggies or shoplifters? NO.”

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