Well Played, Indeed, Part 2

, , | | Right | October 20, 2008

Me: “Thank you for calling [Costume Store]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Hi, do you guys have costumes?”

Me: *sarcastically* “No, I’m afraid we’re a tax accounting service.”

Customer: “Oh. Can I write off a costume rental on my taxes?”

 

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So Much For Being Patriotic

, , , , | | Right | October 20, 2008

Customer: “I’m looking for a clock radio.”

Me: “Certainly. Our clock radios are over on these shelves here. Is there any particular style or brand you’re looking for?”

Customer: “This one looks all right. It’s made here, isn’t it?”

Me: “Actually, ma’am, I believe that one is manufactured in China.”

Customer: “S***, you’re kidding! Well, what about this one?”

Me: “That’s also a [Brand #1], ma’am; that’s also made in China.”

Customer: “S***, I DON’T WANT ANY BLOODY CHINESE S***. SHOW ME ONE THAT ISN’T CHINESE!”

Me: “Well, this particular model over here is a [Brand #2], with all of the same functions.”

Customer: “Not from China?”

Me: “No, this one’s made in Japan.”

Customer: “S***, I TOLD YOU I DON’T WANT ANY F****** CHINESE GARBAGE! *points to first radio* “Just give me that one there.”

Me: “Uh… ma’am, that one is made in China, and the last one wasn’t…”

Customer: “DO YOU THINK I GIVE A S***?!”

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Bagging For Trouble

, | | Right | October 20, 2008

(I was standing in line behind a group of girls who had bought a pack of pencils.)

First girl: “Can we get a bag?”

Cashier: “I’m sorry, I’ve already given you one. I’m afraid I can’t give you another.”

Second girl: “Why not? The woman ahead of us got three bags!”

Cashier: “Yes, and all three of them were full. I can’t give you another bag.”

First girl: “That is bull****! You gave her all those bags and can’t fork over one more for me?! ”

Cashier: “I’m sorry… no, I can’t. She needed the bags for the items she purchased. ”

(The third girl grabs a pack of gum and throws it on the counter.)

Third girl: “Fine. If we get this, can we get another bag?”

Cashier: “No, you can fit that in your first bag. There are other customers wait–”

First girl: “F*** you! You’re just doin’ this ‘cuz we’re teenagers! This is age discrimination!”

Cashier: “I’m sorry, but–”

Second girl: “We want to see your manager!”

Cashier: “I need to help other customers in line. I’m sorry I can’t–”

First girl: “You need to help me, b****! I’m asking you for a bag!”

Cashier: “Store policy is–”

Second girl: “We don’t give a s*** about your store policy! Just give us a d***ed bag!”

(I was in a hurry and by this time I just wanted to get out. Figuring any plastic bag would do, I emptied one that I had already.)

Me, to the girls: “Here, you can have this one. I don’t need it.”

Third girl: “Excuse me? Did I ask YOU for help?”

Me: “No, but if it’s a plastic bag you want, I honestly don’t need it.”

Second girl: “Would you mind your own business?”

Elderly woman behind me: “Jumping Jesus, young lady, it’s a plastic bag! You could find one in a garbage can if you wanted it that badly!”

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Moms: Gotta Love ‘Em

, , | | Right | October 19, 2008

(My mother told me this story, which happened to her as a cashier when she was in college.)

Mom: “Are you going to pay for that other soda?”

Male Customer: “What soda?”

Mom: “The one in your pants?”

Male Customer: “That’s not a soda; that’s my penis!”

Mom: “If that’s your penis, I am going home with you right now!”

Male Customer: *slams soda on the counter and walks out*

 

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Fibbing Fail

, , | | Right | October 16, 2008

Me: “Hi, how can I help you?”

Customer: “I need to return this d*** camera.”

Me: “Sure, was it not working?”

Customer: “I just don’t want it, okay?”

Me: “Okay. Have you opened the box yet?”

Customer: “Why does that matter?”

Me: “Well, as the sticker on the box says, if the box is opened and you return it, I have to charge you a restocking fee.”

Customer: “Oh. No… no, it hasn’t been opened.”

(I look and the box has been clearly opened, with a torn seal.)

Me: “Uh… are you sure it hasn’t been opened?”

Customer: “LOOK! ARE YOU CALLING ME A F***ING LIAR? Where is your manager? I spend hundreds of thousands of dollars here and this is how I’m treated?!”

Me: “Ma’am, if you just–”

Customer: “THESE PEOPLE CALL CUSTOMERS LIARS! DON’T SHOP HERE!”

Me: “Ma’am, I believe you! I will return it!”

Customer: “That’s right you will!”

Me: “Can I see your receipt?”

Customer: “It’s in the box.”

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