Doesn’t Have Cold Feet About Sharing

| Right | June 13, 2013

(I work in a rather high-end furniture and house-ware store. I’m helping a well-dressed, well-spoken lady in her fifties choose some items from the basement floor.)

Customer: “I’m sorry I have to walk so slowly. You know, I had some major foot surgery done just last month and have not entirely recovered yet.”

Me: “Not a problem at all. I must say you’re doing wonderfully well. In fact, I would have never guessed if you didn’t tell me.”

Customer: “Yes, it’s getting better now, but I was in such pain for the first few days; I’m telling you.”

Me: “Well, I sure hope you’ll be alright soon. There, I’ll carry that for you, at least.”

(We make our way back upstairs, where the tills are located. I’m carrying her items, and we’re making small talk throughout. I ring her up and hand her the carrier bag and receipt.)

Customer: “Yes, I was telling you about my feet. I have some pictures; let me show you…”

(Before I can think of a reply, she leans over the counter and proceeds to show me several photos of her feet covered in angry septic sores.)

Me: “Well… that sure looks bad. I’m glad it’s all sorted now.”

Customer: “Terrible, isn’t it? So much pus, you have no idea of the smell! Absolutely rotten! Oh, well, thank you and have a nice day!”

(She leaves. My manager walks by.)

Manager: “Are you alright? What was that about?”

Me: “Never mind. Any chance I could get a late lunch-break today?”

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Bad Behavior Needs A Good Dressing Down

| Working | June 12, 2013

(My girlfriend has recently lost a bunch of weight, but is still highly insecure and wears over-sized clothing because she isn’t comfortable with her body. My sister is getting married, so I take my girlfriend to buy a dress for the engagement party. We’ve found a nice dress, but we need a different size.)

Employee: “Hi… can I… HELP you, or something?”

(Note that employee is looking at my girlfriend with a disgusted look on her face.)

Me: “Can you find out what sizes you have this in stock in?”

Employee: “I’m sorry. That doesn’t come in circus tent.”

(Thankfully, a stock room employee overhears her rude comment and speaks up.)

Stock Room Employee: *to employee #1* “What is the matter with you?!” *to us* “Do you know what size you need?”

Me: “Well… about your size, I think? We’re not sure; she just dropped a lot of weight.”

Stock Room Employee: “Oh, congrats! That’s always the hard part. Um… how about this: I know we’ve got a bunch of these, so I’ll bring out one in my size, one below and one above just in case. How’s that sound?”

(My girlfriend tries to smile, but is still embarrassed because of the first employee.)

Employee: “Oh Em Gee, [stock room employee], no way is she gonna fit anything your size. LOOK at her!”

Stock Room Employee: “Clothing being too small doesn’t seem to stop you. Besides, if you’d actually look at her and not just dismiss her, you might notice how small she is.”

Employee: “B****!”

Stock Room Employee: “Anyway, I’ll be right back!”

(Turns out my girlfriend was the same dress size as the stock room girl, which nearly made my girlfriend cry because the dress looked wonderful.)

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Computer Literate Toddler

| Related | June 9, 2013

(I’m entering a store with my three-year-old son. One of the employees inside comes to open the door for us. The door chimes ‘ding dong’, and I quickly find out I’ve been spending too much time on AOL.)

Employee: “Welcome!”

My Three-Year-Old Son: “You’ve got mail!”

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The Big Country Of Small Talk

| Right | June 7, 2013

(I work in a large retail clothing chain in the UK. The chain is actually an American brand, and popular in both countries. I am serving a customer at the till. I am always friendly to my customers, and always make small talk.)

Me: “Hello, sir, how was your day today?”

Customer: “Why do you want to know?”

Me: “I was just asking, sir; you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.”

Customer: “Quit the small talk. I don’t care what they tell you to say when I am here.”

Me: “I am sorry, sir; that comes to [total]. Would you like to pay cash or card, sir?”

Customer: “What’s with this ‘sir’ bull-s*** your giving me?! You should just stick to your job, and quit the small talk. No one wants to talk to you anyway!”

(He throws his money on the counter, even though I am holding my hand out. I say nothing, and collect his change. He continues to rant at me.)

Customer: “This is what is wrong with the world! People are becoming robots, and just saying things and not meaning them! It’s all fake smiles and stupid small talk!”

Me: “I do not get paid any more or any less for talking to you, sir; I was just being polite. I am sorry if I offended you in any way. Have a nice day.”

(The customer glares at me. His eyes go wide, and he starts to go red.)


Me: “Quite right, sir, we are in England as you correctly pointed out. However, you do realise that you have just spent money in this store, which happens to be an American company?”

(He opens his mouth to retaliate, but he can’t when he realises what I have just said. The line of customers behind him all start laughing at him, as he walks away rather briskly!)

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Couldn’t String It Together

| Right | June 7, 2013

(A customer is returning a pyjama set that has a drawstring on the pants.)

Customer: “I need to return these pyjamas. They’re way too small! They must be the smallest size large ever made!”

Me: “Not a problem, ma’am; did you have a receipt?”

Customer: “Yes, somewhere in here.”

(The customer holds up the pyjama bottoms and stretches the waistband as far as it will go, which is not very far since the drawstring is still tied.)

Customer: “I mean, really! Does this look like a size large to you?”

Me: “Well, you can untie the string and it should stretch more.”

(I untie it. She stares, mouth agape, as she stretches the pants to twice their size.)

Customer: “Oh, wow! Well, I guess that’s all I needed!”

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