Off The Clock Customer Block

| Right | August 22, 2010

(After my shift, I am shopping in the store I work at. I am not wearing my name tag, but still wearing a plain blue polo and black slacks.)

Customer: “Excuse me! You work here, don’t you?”

Me: “Well, yeah but not right now I actually just–”

Customer: “Can you find these shoes for me?”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m done for the day. I just clocked out.”

Customer: “Then what are you doing here?”

Me: “I’m shopping too.”

Customer: “You shouldn’t be allowed to do that!”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “You guys shouldn’t be allowed to shop while normal people are shopping! I want to speak to your manager!”

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The Union Of Soviet Solar Systems

| Right | August 19, 2010

Customer: “Excuse me, does this planet mobile include Pluto?”

Me: “Well, there’s only eight planets on the mobile. So no, it does not.”

Customer: “I refuse to accept that Pluto is not a planet anymore. I don’t care what the socialists say!”

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Totally Randumb

| Right | August 18, 2010

Customer: “Okay, so I can’t decide what color I should get. Green, blue, or pink?”

Me: “Well, I really like the green.”

Customer: “No, no, never mind, I’ll just flip a coin.”

(Tries to find a coin in her pocket.)

Me: “I have a penny, if you’d like it.”

Customer: “Nah, I’m fine. I’ll just flip the coin in my head.”

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Not The Only Hollow Thing In The Store

| Right | August 12, 2010

Customer: “Do you have any record players?”

Me: “We only have one model, but they’re all sold out right now.”

(She leaves and comes back five minutes later.)

Customer: “Ha! I found one! I knew you were lying to me!”

(She carries the very large and heavy display version of the turntable from a few aisles over.)

Me: “Uh, ma’am, I can’t sell you the display.”

Customer: “Why not?”

Me: “Well, for one thing, I can’t open the case around it. Second, the one in there is just hollowed-out plastic. It’s not a working player.”

Customer: “So, can I get it at a discount?”

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Death Refunds Her

| Right | August 11, 2010

Customer: “I’d like to return these pants.”

Me: “Was there something wrong with them?”

Customer: “No, I don’t think so. They were my mother’s, but she died.”

Me: “Oh, I’m so sorry.”

Customer: “It’s okay. Here’s the receipt.”

Me: “Did she wear these pants?”

Customer: “Why?”

Me: “The tags are off.”

Customer: “She just did that to try them on.”

Me: “But there’s a Kleenex in the pocket.”

Customer: “Well, she’s not going to be wearing them anymore. She died.”

Me: “I understand, but if there wasn’t anything wrong with them and they’ve already been worn then I can’t return them.”

Customer: “Wouldn’t you rather let someone buy them who is going to wear them?”

Me: “That’s not for me to decide. If there’s nothing wrong with them, I can’t return them.”

Customer: “Well, there’s something wrong then! They have a hole in them.”

Me: “Oh, okay. Where’s the hole?”

*long pause*

Customer: “You should just automatically make refunds for dead people!”

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