This Can Not End Well, Part 2

| | Right | April 6, 2009

Me: “Thank you for calling ***, how can I help you today?”

Caller: “Do y’all sell erotic films?”

Me: “… No, sir.”

Caller: “Hmm. You know where I can get some bullets?”

Me: “Nowhere within a hundred miles of here!” *click*

 

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Unholier Than Thou

| | Right | April 6, 2009

Me: “Thank you for your purchase, Mr. [Customer’s Name]!”

(Out of nowhere, the guy literally goes insane and starts to jump over the counter, screaming…)

Customer: “How dare you take my name in vain!”

(Luckily, my manager is a bouncer for his second job and walks over.)

My manager: “What’s going on?”

Customer: “Nothing…” *back to normal, leaves quietly*

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Please Burn Before Returning

, , | | Right | April 4, 2009

(I work at a large outdoor equipment store. I had an older woman approach the register with a female urinary device, which is used for winter mountaineering so that women can use pee bottles in their tents.)

Me: “Howdy. Did you find everything you were looking for?”

Customer: “Well, I’m looking at this – do they work well?”

Me: “Uh, well, I imagine so, but I don’t have any experience with that product.”

Customer: “Can I return it if it doesn’t work?”

Me: “We have a 100% satisfaction guarantee on everything we sell here in the store. I will ask, however, that if you return it, you clean it first and double bag it!”

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Yes, Boarded Up Windows Will Send The Right Message

| | Right | April 2, 2009

(Our store was recently renovated with big glass front windows.)

Customer: “Wow, they renovated.”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “Aren’t you afraid someone might come and shoot out the windows?”

Me: “No, actually, it hadn’t really crossed my mind.”

Customer: “Well, you should be concerned!”

Me: “I’m not. I can’t say I’ve worried over that.”

Customer: “Well, this IS downtown. These things happen! You should be worried!”

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Recipe For An Interesting Evening

| | Right | April 1, 2009

Female Customer: “Hi there! Where do you keep your ping-pong balls?”

Me: “Right over here.” *walks her over to them*

Customer: “Oh great! Now, where do you sell your Vaseline?”

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