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The Realization Has Expired

| Canada | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid

(I work at a popular beauty supply store. A family had been browsing around for quite a while before coming to the front to pay. We offer a discount card which expires annually. The customer didn’t have her card, but I looked up the number and punched it in manually.)

Me: “I see that your card has expired. I can give you some stickers to take home to put on your card so you know when it expires next.”

Customer: “What?”

Me: “You don’t have your physical card with you, correct? So I’m giving you these expiration date stickers to put on your card at home.”

Customer: “But my card is at home.”

Me: “That’s why I’m giving you the stickers. To put on your card. That’s at your home.”

(My coworker, sensing my frustration, stepped in.)

Coworker: “Your card expired, so she’s giving you stickers to put on your card when you go home.”

(This somehow clicked with the customer.)

Customer: “Why didn’t you say that in the first place?!”

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Balls-To-The-Walls Crazy

| Renton, WA, USA | Bizarre, Crazy Requests, Movies & TV

(It is during the French Open, at my tennis shop. The phone rings.)

Me: “[Shop], how may I help you?”

Customer: *sounds frustrated* “I can’t see the tennis ball!”

Me: Sorry, ma’am, can you elaborate?

Customer: “I’m watching TV on one of those big HD TVs and the TV salesman said I should be able to everything but I still can’t see the ball. It’s so small and blends into the court. I was so upset and just didn’t know who I should call!”

Me: “You are watching the French Open and you can’t see the yellow ball on the clay courts?”

Customer: “Exactly! Is there anything you can do to help? I was so concerned and I didn’t know what to do so I just opened the phone book and you were the only listing under ‘tennis.’”

Me: *trying not to laugh as my boss walks in the shop* “I’m sorry, ma’am, but this is a local pro shop thousands of miles away from the French Open. We have absolutely no jurisdiction over the size and color of the tournament balls. There’s really nothing I can do.”

Customer: *obviously missing the point* “There aren’t any other colors of balls?”

Me: “We do carry pink Breast Cancer Awareness balls.”

Customer: “No, thank you. I think that would look worse on the TV.”

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This Is My Final (Sale) Warning

| KY, USA | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Popular

(I work in a chain store that is going out of business and all contents of the store are being liquidated. Because of this, there are large signs posted around the store saying ‘All Sales Final.’ You can probably guess what happens.)

Customer: “I bought these lamps yesterday and they just don’t go in my living room. I need to return them.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, all sales are final.”

Customer: “What? I looked yesterday and didn’t see anything about it. Where are the signs?”

Me: “There are one by each register, one as you come in the door, three hanging from the ceiling, and it’s printed on your receipt.”

Customer: “Why didn’t someone point them out to me? This is ridiculous. I need to return them. They were expensive and I can’t use them!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I can’t take them back.”

Customer: “You should have better signs. How do you expect people to see them?”

Me: “I’m sorry you feel that way but there is nothing I can do.”

(The customer continues to rant for a few minutes while I keep repeating I can’t do anything. Finally she grabs her lamps and flounces out of the store, saving her worst threat for last.)

Customer: “I’m never shopping here again!”

Coworker: *to me* “We’re closing. Is that supposed to be a threat?”