You’re His ‘Number One’ Guy

| MI, USA | Bizarre, Non-Dialogue

I’m happy to help customers, and thrilled when one remembers my name and wants my assistance each time they visit the store, but there needs to be a line drawn somewhere! The other day, an older gentleman comes in and asks for help finding something in our sales flyer. I show him where it was, he thanks me, and he is on his way.

Later he asks me to show him where something else is. I do, he thanks me, and walks away again. This happens two or three more times. The whole time there are four or five other team members on the floor with nothing in specific to do, yet he is convinced I am his guy. At one point I go in the back room, clearly marked EMPLOYEES ONLY, and he pushes his cart right through and wants me to look something up for him.

A few minutes after that I am helping two customers at once when he comes up and interrupts them to say he wants me to take him to another part of the store and answer some questions. After a while I don’t hear from him and assume he has checked out and left. I have to go to the bathroom.

While I am standing at the urinal I hear the door bang open. I look in the mirror and there he is, propping the bathroom door open so everyone who walks past, in our clothing department, can see me standing there with a look of shock on my face as I pee. He walks over right next to me.

“Are you almost done? I’ve got some questions over in the car batteries!”


Raising Requests

| Anchorage, AK, USA | Bizarre, Extra Stupid

(Next to the registers is our balloon station, where we fill balloons with helium, tie them off, etc. We like to do this with the customer next to us, and many customers love to help out any way possible; holding balloons in place while we tie, helping cut the strings, etc. Today I am helping a customer with a balloon bouquet.)

Me: “Okay, is that big enough?”

Customer: “That’s perfect!”

Me: “Great, now let me tie it off…” *I do so* “And, oh shoot, I forgot to get the string ready. Will you hold the balloon for me while I measure out the string? Just say ‘when.'”

Customer: “Okay.”

(I hand the balloon to the customer, who takes it between their hands. Once I pull out the string they want, the customer releases the balloon and we both silently watch it float fifteen feet to the ceiling.)

Me: “Why did you do that?”

Customer: “I… really don’t know.”


Not An Elegant Solution

| Indianapolis, IN, USA | Bizarre

(I am working on restocking a display near the front of an art supply store. Of course, because of my high visibility, any customer with a question comes directly to me. This isn’t normally a problem, but we have a corporate visitor coming by in an hour, and my manager has asked me to complete the restock in less than thirty minutes, which would be pushing it even if we were closed. Because of this, I try to quickly direct customers in the direction of their needed item, or get a coworker to escort them. One lady, however, is not having that.)

Customer: “Hey, I need some stencils.”

Me: “Okay, what kind of stencils? What are you using them for?”

Customer: “It’s for a sign at a wedding.”

Me: “Okay, so something elegant?” *Customer nods* “Then I would look at aisle 42. Our prettiest stencils are there. Lots of florals, curly designs, and prettier font types. We have stencils in several places in the store, but that aisle has our prettiest selection.”

Customer: *literally baring her teeth and growling* “NO, YOU ARE GOING TO TAKE ME THERE RIGHT NOW.”

(I escort her to the aisle and show her the products. She becomes very happy and enthusiastic. I ask her if she needs anything else and go grab the items for her while she decides on stencils.)

Me: “Okay, here are your other items. Have you decided on some stencils?”

Customer: “I sure have! Thanks so much!”

Me: “Not a problem. Like I said, we do have stencils in other places, but these are our best for an elegant and classy look. Do you need to see the others?”

Customer: “No, no, these are great; thank you!”

(I return to my restocking duties and the customer heads to the check out. Ten minutes later…)

Same Customer: *growling again* “HEY, YOU INCOMPETENT [string of insults]. YOU DIDN’T SHOW ME THIS STENCIL!” *waives a package in front of my face*

Me: “I’m so sorry about that. I thought you had made your decision.”

Customer: “YOU DON’T MAKE DECISIONS FOR ME. I’M REPORTING YOU TO CORPORATE.” *throws the package at me and storms out of the store*

(I got reported to corporate for not showing a customer looking for wedding decor a cartoon frog stencil from our kids’ craft section that she didn’t end up buying anyway. I guess I need to relearn the definition of “elegant.”)


Walk A Mile In Another Retailer’s Shoes

| Melbourne, VIC, Australia | At The Checkout

(I am dressed in my retail uniform while shopping at a competitor.)

Customer: “How much are these shoes?”

Me: “They’re free. I’ll call the door greeter and let them know.”

Customer: “…really?”

Me: “Yeah, no price tag means free item, right?”

Customer: “Seriously, they’re free?”


Me: “I work for [Other Retailer]. I have no idea how much those are or where to check.”


Refunder Blunder, Part 26

| CA, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests

Customer: “Hello, I would like to return this, please.” *hands me a deodorant*

Me: *takes the cap off and sees that the container is empty* “I’m sorry, I can’t return this. It’s already been used.”

Customer: “Exactly. So I don’t need it anymore.”

Me: “…”

Refunder Blunder, Part 25

Refunder Blunder, Part 24

Refunder Blunder, Part 23

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