Not The Brightest Firework In The Pack

| Marysville, WA, USA | Musical Mayhem

(I work at a well known retail store with a certain price match guarantee. This happens just before lunch so I’m already flustered and thinking about finally eating something. A call comes in and like normal I answer.)

Me: “Thanks for calling your [Location] [Store]; how can I direct your call?”

Caller: “I’m standing in your CD aisle in electronics hoping for some help finding a CD.”

Me: “All right, I can either transfer you to the electronics phone or page someone to your location.”

Caller: “Paging someone to me would be great, thanks.”

Me: “All right, do you want to stay on the line with me in case they don’t show up right away?”

(The caller says yes and I put her on hold while I page help for her. I check in every couple of minutes asking if help had arrived to her and each time she says no so I page again. I follow this pattern three more times before getting fed up and asking over the walkie for a manager or pretty much anyone to help this woman who is surprisingly nice despite being on the phone with me so long. Management says they’ve been in the CD aisle for the past 5 minutes and haven’t seen anyone. I get back on the phone with the customer.)

Me: “Ma’am, management has informed me they are in the CD aisle and don’t see you there.”

Caller: *has a bit of a dreamy/ditzy voice at this point* “Oh, well, I’m actually at home but was hoping you could find a Katy Perry CD. I don’t know the name but it’s got the Fireworks song on it.”

Me: *face on desk and irritated but still trying to stay professional* “Okay, ma’am, let me put you back on hold and I’ll get someone to look.”

(Management was just as annoyed and we eventually found a CD with the Fireworks song, but I’m still not sure it’s the one she wanted. And ironically 10 minutes later the radio started playing Firework by Katy Perry.)


Like Stealing Candy From A Baby

| Renfrewshire, Scotland, UK | Bad Behavior, Criminal & Illegal, Family & Kids

(While shopping, I notice two typically cute toddlers eagerly running down the sweets aisle, ahead of their parents.)

Toddler: *loudly and cheerfully* “I’m going to steal something!”


Customers Bellow Louder Than Nature

| Madison, WI, USA | At The Checkout

(I work in a department store at one of the local malls. My area is having some bad weather, leading to several tornado warnings. The store continues its normal operations between them each day, and this day we are also running a rather hefty coupon. One of the tornado warnings interrupts my shift and a customer approaches me with some clothing he wants to buy as the store announces that we will be closing temporarily due to the weather. The announcement clearly states that all customers should evacuate the store.)

Customer: “Could you tell me how much these are?”

Me: “Sir, I’m afraid with the weather getting as bad as it is, for your own safety I have to ask you to leave the store.”

Customer: “But I got this fifty dollar coupon in the mail and it expires tomorrow!”

(I reluctantly agree and ring up his purchase. The coupon has a minimum spending limit of $100 to get the discount. His purchase only comes up to $78.)

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but the coupon will not work on this purchase.”

Customer: “Well, why not?!”

Me: “If you look here, the coupon says that you must have a purchase of ‘$100 or more.’ Otherwise, I can’t apply the discount to your purchase. That’s not my call; it’s something the system won’t let me do. Now, I’m afraid I really have to ask you to leave, for your own safety.”

Customer: “Well, will they let me use the coupon tomorrow?”

(By this point, you can’t even see the parking lot through the glass doors of the store not far from my register. I don’t want to argue with the customer over the value of his life, so I take a pen and scribble an extension onto the coupon, sign it, and put down my associate number.)

Me: “There. Now, for your own safety, please leave the store.”

Customer: *sigh* “All right…”

(The customer ended up not leaving the store in time and had to come back with us to our store’s “safe area.” After the weather passed and the store resumed operations, he got another shirt and completed his purchase with the coupon anyway.)


In Receipt Of New Information

| Brisbane, QLD, Australia | At The Checkout, Bizarre

(A customer has finished paying for her order.)

Me: “Would you like a receipt?”

Customer: “Do you get money for offering receipts?”

Me: “No, they print automatically. Some people use them for tax or to keep to a budget.”

Customer: “Oh, I thought the banks must pay you to offer receipts. Why does everyone offer me a receipt?”


That Was A Close Shave

| Baton Rouge, LA, USA | Bizarre, Health & Body

(I was working at a large chain retail store that has a variety of electronic gadgets. This customer is asking about some of our electric shavers. I’m female and helping a male customer.)

Me: *showing a particular model of shaver* “This model is safe to use in the shower and is one of our more popular sellers.”

Male Customer: “Does it give a good, close shave for your face?”

Me: *jokingly* “Well, it shaves my beard pretty well.” *chuckle*

Male Customer: *reaches out and caresses my cheek* “Mmmmm, yes, you do have soft skin.”

Me: *hands him the shaver* “Okay, you have a good day, then.”

(I walked away and he left the store right after that.)

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