Not The Brightest Light In The Amazon

| PA, USA | Extra Stupid

Me: “Thank you for calling; how can I help you today?”

Customer: “I was hoping you could tell me if a light I purchased will mount with this hardware.”

Me: “Okay, can I have an order number or phone number to look up your purchase?”

Customer: “I didn’t buy it from you.”

Me: “Okay… Do you have a part number so I can look it up for you?”

Customer: “No. I got it on Amazon.”

Me: “Do you have an part number for the mounting hardware? I can look that up for you.”

Customer: “You don’t sell it. And it didn’t tell me on Amazon.”

Me: “So… you purchased a light we don’t sell and a mounting kit we don’t sell and you want to know if those two objects will fit together?”

Customer: “Yeah.”

Me: “Your best bet with that would be to contact Amazon, sir.”

Customer: “I didn’t even think of that. Do you have their number?”

Me: “…”


The Nightmare Before Halloween

| Canada | Holidays, Non-Dialogue

My manager asks me to go “deal with the pumpkins.” When I ask what is up with them, she tells me that a customer (a grown woman) had climbed into the bin and stood on the pumpkins while looking for the perfect one.

After tossing the survivors into the neighbouring bin and cutting larger holes into it so people could reach in more easily, I take the bin of smashed pumpkins to the warehouse.

Eleven pumpkins died today so that someone could find one perfect jack-o-lantern prospect.


Ghosts Of Halloween’s Past

| IL, USA | Holidays

(I work at a seasonal store that specializes in Halloween merchandise, such as costumes and decorations. As a result, we are always busiest at the end of October and have signs posted all over the store, and especially at the registers, stating that we do not accept returns or issue refunds after October 31st. It is now the first week of November, so we are already very busy with discount and clearance sales when this call comes in.)

Me: “[Store]. This is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Hi, yes. I came into your store earlier today to return the costume I bought for my daughter, but your people wouldn’t give me my money back.”

Me: “Well, I’m sorry, ma’am, but since it is after Halloween, all sales are final. We aren’t offering returns at this time.”

Customer: “But we don’t need it anymore! I don’t want to have this costume, so I want to return it and get my money back.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but that’s not possible. Was there anything wrong with the costume?”

Customer: “No, but it’s after Halloween. We don’t need it anymore! Can I talk to a manager?”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I’m the manager on duty today. We can’t accept a return on a seasonal item when there’s nothing wrong with it. You could always save the costume for next year and use it again.”

Customer: “I don’t want this costume for next year! I want to return it and get my money back!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but—”

Customer: “And stop saying you’re sorry! You keep saying you’re sorry but you aren’t helping me! If you say that you’re sorry one more time then I’m going to come down there and kick your ass! Now, are you going to tell me you’re sorry again?”

Me: “No, ma’am. I’m not.”

Customer: “…”

Me: “…”

Customer: “Well, are you going to help me?”

Me: “No, ma’am. I’m not.” *click*



| San Antonio, TX, USA | Holidays

(As I’m working, a customer approaches and asks if I can help him find pirate-themed clothes for his granddaughter. He shows me some pictures, and I get the idea that he really likes pirates.)

Customer: “You probably think I’m weird. You probably don’t even know that September 19th is…”

Me: “Talk Like a Pirate Day?”

Customer: “Yes! Okay, we’re buddies now.”

(He hugged me, and wandered off towards our Halloween supplies. A bit odd, but I was smiling for the rest of the day!)


This Trick Works A Treat

| Lynnwood, WA, USA | Holidays

(I work at a large retail store. After Halloween, Halloween decor, costumes, and candies are marked down, decor at 50% and candy at 30% respectively. I have stayed late to cover for a call out.)

Me: “Hey, did you find everything all right?”

Customer: “Yes, perfectly.”

(I proceed to ring up the items in the basket all of which are Halloween markdowns.)

Me: “Okay that will be $19.67.”

Customer: “Wait, those LED trees were supposed to be 50% off at the register.”

(I look and the original price is thirteen dollars and they are marked down in the system to $6.50.)

Me: “Yes. They are 50% off.”

Customer: “No! they were supposed to be 50% off at the register!”

Me: “Well, it is 50% off.”

Customer: “If they aren’t 50% at the register then we don’t want them.”

(Trying not to roll my eyes I void the items and put them in the go back bin.)

Me: “Okay, the total is 12 dollars.”

Customer: “The candy was 30% off at the register!”

(I look at the line growing behind them and price check every candy and find that yes, they all are 30% off. I offer to give them a dollar off just to get them out of my hair and they refuse, wanting the 30% off, so I call my manager.)

Manager: “Hey, what’s the problem?”

(They explain the issue and like me she checks and finds everything in order.)

Customer: “But it’s 30% off at the register.”

Manager: *sounding more than a little annoyed at this point* “If I give you five dollars off then would you be happy?”

Customer: “Hmmm, I guess.”

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