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A Faire Amount Of Context Missing

| Allentown, PA, USA | Bizarre, Language & Words, Pets & Animals

(I’m back at work after a day off to attend the regional Renaissance faire, of which I’m a passionate devotee. I’m showing the pictures on my phone to a coworker, and offering as little context as possible for what I’m saying just to be funny.)

Me: “…and here’s Snorkel the dancing stunt pig, with his human daddy.”

Customer: *passing by and doubling back* “Wow, that is the greatest sentence I’ve ever accidentally overheard in my entire life.”

Walking Home For Christmas

| MO, USA | Holidays, Theme Of The Month

(It’s the holiday season, and we’re at a crowded store when we overhear this conversation.)

Lady: “Excuse me, can you tell me where to find [item]?”

Worker: *gives directions* “Here, let me show you—”

Lady: “That’s all right. I’m sure you’ve walked about twenty miles already today.” *walks off before the worker can respond*

Worker: *somewhat to herself, smiling* “Yes, I have.”

(Needless to say, my mom and I were quite impressed with this lady!)

Feel Sorry For The Husband

| Seattle, WA, USA | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Time

(I am working in a retail store, and my shift starts at 12:30. I get in at 12:15, and see many customers so I put my uniform on, clock in early, and get to work. A woman approaches me.)

Woman: *aggressively* “I hope you enjoyed your LUNCH.”

Me: “…I’m sorry?”

Woman: “Don’t be sorry. Just don’t do it again. I shouldn’t have to wait.”

Me: “Ma’am, I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

Woman: “Don’t lie to me. I was here an hour ago and you had a back in five minutes sign, to get your lunch, even though there were people who wanted to get into the store. Don’t EVER do that to your customers again.”

Me: “Ma’am, my shift doesn’t even start for another ten or fifteen minutes. Was there something you wanted help with?”

Woman: “If you keep lying like this, you’ll never find a husband.” *shows me her wedding ring with a smug look, then turns and walks out*

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