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This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 54

| San Francisco, CA, USA | Extra Stupid, Money

(I’m a cashier at a popular retailer on a busy Saturday. An early-twenties man waits in line with a birthday card that says “DAD” on the top, and no envelope.)

Customer: “Do you sell the outsides for these?”

Me: “Yes, envelopes should be directly behind the cards.”

Customer: “Oh. Well, I didn’t see them…”

Me: *taking pity on him, as the lines are long and he’s already waited once* “That’s okay. Why don’t you just get it now and go back to pick up an envelope after?”

Customer: “Okay.”

(He proceeds to act like he’d never seen a debit card terminal in his life. I coach him on how to slide his card, and then we get to the cash-back screen.)

Customer: “I thought it was $5?”

Me: “Yes? The total’s $4.34.”

Customer: “But the lowest option’s $10?”

Me: “Oh, um, that’s for cash-back. Do you want cash-back?”

Customer: “Yes. Which button should I push?”

Me: “That depends on how much cash you’d like back.”

Customer: “But which option should I choose? Does it make a difference?”

Me: “It controls how much cash you’ll get.”

Customer: “Will it be more than one transaction?”

(I’m very lost at this point. I decide to go back to the very, very beginning.)

Me: “Sir, cash-back means that you pay the store extra money on your card, and then we give you that extra money in cash. It’s like going to the bank.”

Customer: “Oh! Oh, I don’t want that.”

Me: “Okay, then just hit ‘no.’”

(After all that, he doesn’t remember his PIN and leaves without the card. And then, about half an hour later, he is back at my register.)

Customer: “Do you still have that card?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “Okay, I’d like to pay with this.” *hands me his student ID*

Me: “What?”

Customer: “Run this. It has [University currency from University a few blocks away] on it.”

(This currency is something you, or your parents, can load onto your card to do things like pay for your on-campus laundry with a swipe of your ID.)

Me: “Sir, we don’t take [University] dollars here.”

Customer: “Why not?!”

Me: “We’re just a store. We’re not connected to your school. We take real dollars here.”

(He left, and he didn’t come back again.)

Related:
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 53
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 52
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 51

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A Faire Amount Of Context Missing

| Allentown, PA, USA | Bizarre, Language & Words, Pets & Animals

(I’m back at work after a day off to attend the regional Renaissance faire, of which I’m a passionate devotee. I’m showing the pictures on my phone to a coworker, and offering as little context as possible for what I’m saying just to be funny.)

Me: “…and here’s Snorkel the dancing stunt pig, with his human daddy.”

Customer: *passing by and doubling back* “Wow, that is the greatest sentence I’ve ever accidentally overheard in my entire life.”

Walking Home For Christmas

| MO, USA | Holidays, Theme Of The Month

(It’s the holiday season, and we’re at a crowded store when we overhear this conversation.)

Lady: “Excuse me, can you tell me where to find [item]?”

Worker: *gives directions* “Here, let me show you—”

Lady: “That’s all right. I’m sure you’ve walked about twenty miles already today.” *walks off before the worker can respond*

Worker: *somewhat to herself, smiling* “Yes, I have.”

(Needless to say, my mom and I were quite impressed with this lady!)

Feel Sorry For The Husband

| Seattle, WA, USA | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Time

(I am working in a retail store, and my shift starts at 12:30. I get in at 12:15, and see many customers so I put my uniform on, clock in early, and get to work. A woman approaches me.)

Woman: *aggressively* “I hope you enjoyed your LUNCH.”

Me: “…I’m sorry?”

Woman: “Don’t be sorry. Just don’t do it again. I shouldn’t have to wait.”

Me: “Ma’am, I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

Woman: “Don’t lie to me. I was here an hour ago and you had a back in five minutes sign, to get your lunch, even though there were people who wanted to get into the store. Don’t EVER do that to your customers again.”

Me: “Ma’am, my shift doesn’t even start for another ten or fifteen minutes. Was there something you wanted help with?”

Woman: “If you keep lying like this, you’ll never find a husband.” *shows me her wedding ring with a smug look, then turns and walks out*

Refunder Blunder, Part 13

| Chicago, IL, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Money

Customer: “Hi, I want to return this watch.”

Me: “Sure thing, do you have the receipt?”

(Customer hands over receipt.)

Me: *after ringing the return up* “Okay so you’re getting $15 back on your card.”

Customer: “$15?! No, the price tag says it’s $24.99!”

Me: “Yes but you used a coupon to pay for it. You only paid $15 so that’s how much you’ll get back.”

Customer: “No, the price tag says $24.99! I should be getting $24.99 back!”

Me: *circling her total on the receipt* “Look, right here on the receipt, you used this coupon with your purchase which brought the total down to $15. You did not pay $24.99 so we can’t give you more money back than what you paid. We can only give you back what you gave us.”

Customer: “Well, that is f****** ridiculous!”

Me: “I’m sorry, there’s nothing I can do. You can swipe your card whenever you’re ready to get your money put back on it.”

Customer: *snatches watch back* “Forget it. I’ll just keep it.”

Related:
Refunder Blunder, Part 12
Refunder Blunder, Part 11
Refunder Blunder, Part 10

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