Someone Needs Some Weekend Cheer

| MA, USA | Bad Behavior, Criminal & Illegal

(I open my store on Saturdays. On the way there I have to merge onto the highway slowly due to heavy traffic. A middle-aged couple in an SUV in the next lane apparently decide I’m not going fast enough and try to merge ahead of me, but I move up to prevent this. The man leans on his horn and yells obscenities out the window at me; I just wave and continue on my way, not thinking anything of it until I pull into the parking lot at work and the SUV comes speeding in. As I am walking to the door, the man gets out and starts yelling.)


Me: “Is there a problem, sir?”

Him: “YOU FLIPPED ME OFF, YOU F****** C***!”

Me: “First of all, no, I didn’t. Second, even if I had there’s no law against that. Third, you tried to cut me off. Now if there’s nothing else, I have a job to get to.”

(At this point, this grown man who is at least old enough to be my father starts pointing and laughing like a little kid.)

Him: “Haha, you have to work today, you f****** loser! If you weren’t so stupid and lazy you’d have a real life!”

(I’ve heard enough. I take out my phone.)

Me: “Sir, did you need to buy something when we open?”

Him: “Hell, no, I—”

Me: *interrupting* “Then at this time I’m going to call the police.”

Him: *screaming again* “WHAT THE F*** FOR, YOU DUMB C***?”

Me: “Well, let’s see: you followed me here; that’s harassment. You threatened me with bodily harm, also a crime. You said you have no intention of buying anything at this store, and we’re not even open yet, so right now you’re trespassing on private property. The station is less than a mile from here so once I make this call officers will be here in about a minute. Maybe you’d like to make fun of them for working on a Saturday, too?”

(Needless to say, he got back in his car and took off, yelling a few more obscenities along the way while his wife flipped me off out the window.)


Looking For The Magic Beans

, | IN, USA | Bad Behavior, Food & Drink

(It is a Saturday and I am working as a cashier with one other coworker, whom I am training that day. We are currently featuring many Brand items for the month so the retail employees are familiar with the products. A lady approaches my coworker about some jelly beans she likes and had bought at another one of our stores.)

Customer: “I’m looking for some jelly beans I like. I don’t remember the name, though.”

(She describes the packaging to my coworker and it sounds like a Brand item we have.)

Coworker: “I think we have what you’re looking for but let me double check.” *she waves me over*

(The customer describes the packaging again.)

Me: “Yes, I believe we have that. It’s a [Brand] mix. I can go get one for you.”

Customer: “No, these jelly beans were not [Brand]. I don’t like [Brand] jelly beans.”

Coworker: *turning to me* “I don’t think we carry any other brands, do we?”

Me: “No. I’m sorry, ma’am. We only carry [Brand] jelly beans.”

(The customer starts getting mad and her friend comes over.)

Customer’s Friend: “But we got some at another store [in this chain]! Why don’t you have them?”

Me: “All of our stores carry the same products, with exceptions on the clothing. I can show you what we have, but I’m afraid all our jelly beans are [Brand].”

Customer: “I hate [Brand] jelly beans! I am positive the other ones I got before were not [Brand].”

(My coworker then decides to walk away and just go get the item that sounds like what the customer wants.)

Coworker: “This is what we have.”

Customer: “That’s it. I guess you little girls know what you have in your store now.”

Me: “Well, ma’am, I guess you know that you like [Brand] jelly beans now, too.”


Pregnancy Can Attack From The Sides

| Maryville, TN, USA | Family & Kids, Health & Body

(A cashier has worked at this particular store with me for three years through college. She’s kept her pregnancy fairly quiet as she’s a private person. She’s finally showing.)

Customer #1: “Congratulations!”

Cashier: “Thank you.”

Customer #1: “Was it planned?”

Cashier: “Nope. I was trying for a puppy.”

Customer #1: *leaves*

Customer #2: “Oh! You’re pregnant! But you’re so young! You know how that happens, don’t you?”

Cashier: “I really don’t; would you mind explaining? In detail.”

Customer #2: *leaves*

Customer #3: “Were you planning a baby?”

Cashier: “Well, I was really hoping for a velociraptor but luckily I get nine months to plan for a baby instead.”

(Customer #3 leaves. I walk over to the cashier.)

Me: “You’d think after three years of seeing you every week they’d learn you don’t discuss your personal life at work.”

Cashier: “You’d think. Who asks if a baby is planned? Crazy.”


Loonie Over A Toonie, Part 4

| UT, USA | Canada, Money

(I am in line at a check-out watching this. Please note that this is in Utah, which is several states and 1000s of miles from the Canadian border. Though some places in the US close to the Canadian border take Canadian money, I have never seen a store in Utah do it.)

Cashier: “That will be…”

(The customer hands over Canadian currency.)

Cashier: “I’m sorry, we don’t accept Canadian currency. Do you possibly have a card or anything?”

Customer: “It’s good money, and it’s illegal not to accept it.”

Cashier: “It is illegal for us to not accept American money, and it may be true that in Canada it’s illegal to not accept Canadian money, but we’re not under any obligation to accept Canadian money.”

Customer: “Well, the prime minister said this is good enough money.”

Cashier: “Your prime minister. I don’t have a prime minister. I have a president.”

Customer: “I demand you take my money.”

Cashier: “And I’m telling you that I can’t.”

Me: “How much is it?”

(The cashier tells me the small amount.)

Me: “I’ll just pay it.”

Customer: “No. I demand you accept my money.”

Cashier: “Fine.”

(She takes the money. After the customer leaves, she takes me up on my offer to pay and gives me the Canadian currency. Jokes on the other customer, because my parents live in Rochester, NY which is across a Great Lake from Canada, and a lot of places take Canadian money when I go home to visit.)

Loonie Over A Toonie, Part 3
Loonie Over A Toonie, Part 2
Loonie Over A Toonie


The Pipes To Their Brain Must Be Blocked Too

| Wauwatosa, WI, USA | Bad Behavior, Non-Dialogue

The public bathrooms at the store I work in have stopped working. Apparently, the sewage is backing up. Not a pretty sight. Or smell.

Because of this, my managers make d*** sure no one is getting in, so they put up chairs and baskets and signs that say “Bathroom Out of Order” all over. The entire area is blocked off with rope and chairs.

Funny enough, two people force their way through only to be greeted by the wonderful aroma of backed up pipes.

We told you they were closed, but you didn’t listen. They then had the audacity to tell us that we weren’t clear enough!

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