Me: “So, what can I get you?”

Hobo: “I’m pretty hungry so I guess I’ll have…” *stares at the menu*

(Three minutes later:)

Me: “I’ll come ba–”

Hobo: “I want some toast!”

Me: “Okay, toast is all. I’ll be right back.”

Hobo: “Yeah, that’s what I want… French toast.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Hobo: “I want some French toast. How much does that cost?”

Me: “Sorry, sir, we don’t have French toast.”

Hobo: “Then what do you have?”

Me: “Um… toast?”

Hobo: “Toast? What’s that?”

*long pause*

Me: “Warm, crunchy bread, sir.”

Hobo: “Yeah, bring me some white, warm, crunchy bread!”

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(I work in a burger stand)

Me: “Welcome, what can I get for you?”

Lady: “I would like a cheeseburger with no cheese.”

Me: “Umm… would you just like a hamburger?”

Lady: “No. I would like specifically a cheeseburger with no cheese.”

Me: “Are you sure? A cheeseburger is 25 cents more than a hamburger.”

Lady: “Yes, I’m sure.”

Customer: “What’s in the Chocolate Caramel Cashew?”

Me: “There’s really no way for me to answer that without sounding like a smart-a**.”

Customer: “Why? What’s in it?”

Me: “It’s chocolate ice cream… with caramel… and cashews.”

Me: “Hi, welcome to [Restaurant]! Can I get you something to drink?”

Elderly Customer: *pounds fists on table* “I WANT BEEF!”

Me: “O… kay… If you’re ready to order, I could get you our [Roast Beef Entree]?”

Elderly Customer: “I don’t care. I just want beef!”

Me: “Okay…” *sighs*

Winemaker: “…as you taste this pinot you might notice flavors like cherry, vanilla, and roasted meat.”

Taster: “Wow, yeah! That’s amazing. Do you put all that stuff right in the barrels?”

Winemaker: “Ummm…no. Wine is only the fermented juice of the grapes. Those flavors come from the soil…”

Taster: “Oh I see. So you bury it all around the plants.”

Taster’s Girlfriend: “Honey, we should go.”

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