Lucky In Card(ed)s

, | Tampa, FL, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Food & Drink

Waitress: “What would you like to drink?”

Me: “I’ll have a rum and Coke.”

Friend: “I’ll have Guinness.”

Waitress: “May I see some ID?”

(My friend and I look at each other in shock. I am just shy of turning 50 and my friend is in his mid-50s, and we both have classic male pattern baldness. There isn’t a chance on earth either of us could be confused with being minors.)

Me: “Are you serious?”

Waitress: *looking a bit embarrassed* “It’s policy.”

(Generally, policy is to card people who look 30 or under. We don’t even look close to that. My friend is from England where carding is basically non-existent.)

Friend: “Young lady, I have never once been carded in my entire life. Congratulations, you are the very first.”

Yellow Asparagus Will Make You Quite Green

, | MN, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Health & Body

Me: “Okay, what kind of veggies would you like on your sandwich?”

Customer: “I’ll take lettuce, spinach, olives, and asparagus.”

Me: “Uh, we don’t have asparagus.”

(Her tone suddenly becomes very snide and she points at a bin of vegetables.)

Customer: “Well, what do you call that then?”

Me: “…banana peppers.”

Customer: “So that’s not yellow asparagus?”

Me: “I’m pretty sure if we sold yellow asparagus we’d be shut down. Asparagus is green.”

Customer: *embarrassed* “Well, I’m sure a lot of people make that mistake.”

Me: “Nope.”

Enough To Make You Cry

| QC, Canada | Bad Behavior, Food & Drink, Health & Body

(I work in a hotel restaurant. A group of clients have been notoriously difficult, sending back dishes more than once for small details. On a particularly busy night, a waiter walks back into the kitchen and asks about a meal.)

Waiter: “Does this dish contain onions? The client says he’s deadly allergic.”

(Hearing this, the chef panics and asks the waiter to bring him to the client.)

Chef: “Sir, are you all right? Do you have any medicine for your allergy? I’ll call the ambulance right away!”

(The client is confused and worried.)

Client: “What? No, I don’t have medicine. Why?”

Chef: “You told the waiter you were deadly allergic to onions. You should have mentioned it earlier. There were some in the soup.”

Client: “…oh. I just don’t like onions.”

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Some Stupidity Is A Hard Nut To Crack

| NJ, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(After serving a very difficult table, I am happy they are on dessert and leaving soon. As I go up to hand them the check:)

Customer: *as she literally spits out the mouthful* “Oh, my God, are there nuts in here?! I can’t eat nuts! They will break my teeth!”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, you ordered NUTS OVER CARAMEL ice cream.”

Customer: “I just thought that was the name of it. Why are there nuts in it?!”

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Forced To Change Her Perspective

| Canada | Bigotry, Family & Kids, Food & Drink

(My family owns a family Chinese restaurant at which I work. I’m a 15-year-old Asian, but apparently I look 12-ish. This happened when a customer came in during a busy day to eat in. She had just finished eating.)

Me: “How was your meal? Do you need anything else?”

Customer: “Yes. Tell me, kind son. Are you forced to work here?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “Are you forced to work here? Like child labor?”

Me: *respectfully I replied* “No, ma’am, I am not forced to work here. I work here because I have family values and I want to help my single mom trying to give the best for her children. I don’t know what you’re trying to imply, but I am not a slave nor am I forced to work here. I hope you think about what I said and suggest giving me a tip for being so rude.”

(She stood up, paid, and left without a word.)

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