(I am eating with my girlfriend. There is a family of four at the table on the other side of us. I notice something odd about one of the kids at the other side of the table.)

Me: “Uh, sweetie.”

Girlfriend: “Yes?”

Me: *whispering* “I think that little kid over there is looking at your chest.”

(She motions her eyes to the other table, where a boy, around 5 years old watches us. My girlfriend looks at him with a slightly odd stare.)

Me: “They start young.”

Customer: *frantically* “Ma’am? Ma’am! My noodles are extremely dry!”

Me: “Those are not noodles. They are tortilla strips.”

Customer: “I need some help over here!”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, how can I help you?”

Customer: “This salt is too salty!”

Me: “But it’s salt, ma’am.”

Customer: “I don’t care! It’s too salty! You need to bring me a different shaker!”

(I proceed to bring her another shaker, which is no different than the first.)

Customer: “That’s better! Thank you!”

(I am a waiter in a sushi bar in Iowa.)

Customer: “Do you guys catch your own fish?”

(I am working at the counter of a slushie shop in our mall.)

Me: “What’s all the hustle about out there?”

Customer: “Oh, they brought in the coolest thing this morning. It’s a hurricane stimulator!”

Me: “A stimulator?”

Customer: “Yes, it stimulates hurricanes! You have to try it out.”

Me: “I’ll be sure to do that. Have a nice day!”

Customer: “Oh, I will! That hurricane stimulated me to the max!”