Reduced Intelligence, Not Reduced Hours

| St. Louis, MO, USA | Holidays, Theme Of The Month

(The restaurant I work at is open 24 hours and does not close for holidays. It is less than a week before Christmas when the phone rings.)

Me: “Thank you for calling 24 hour [Restaurant]. [My Name] speaking. We are open all night Christmas Eve and Christmas day. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah, how late will you be open on Christmas Eve?”

Me: “We will be open 24 hours during the holidays. We don’t close.”

Customer: “So, when do you open on Christmas?”

Me: “We will be open non-stop from now through the foreseeable future unless weather causes the store to lose power.”

Customer: “So, do you have reduced hours on Christmas?”

(This exchanged happened to all of us working every shift for the following week at least three times a shift.)

A Caffeinated Christmas Miracle

| Detroit, MI, USA | Holidays, Theme Of The Month, Top

(It’s Christmas Eve. I’m waiting tables with one other waitress for the night at a diner. This waitress is a sweetheart, but has had a terrible year. She was evicted from her apartment shortly after her boyfriend died, leaving her a homeless single mother, crashing on couches, trying to finish her last year of nursing school. A man who comes in regularly asks to be placed at one of her tables. He orders a single cup of coffee, and asks for the check.)

Customer: “Miss, I have my money to pay.”

Waitress: “All right. So, that’s $1.10.”

(The customer takes her hand in his, places a wad of money in it, and closes it.)

Customer: “Merry Christmas. Keep the change.”

(He left without saying another word. She opened her hand and burst into uncontrollable tears when she found $500.00 with a note that said ‘For Mama and Baby.’)

Get Into The Antichrist-mas Spirit

| Ocean Springs, MS, USA | Holidays, Theme Of The Month

(There is soft Christmas music playing overhead.)

Customer: “Can you change this to Christmas music? Put it on [FM radio station].”

Me: “Christmas music is currently playing and this is satellite radio.”

Customer: “No, this is about Santa. SANTA equals SATAN! So change it to [FM radio station], now!”

Me: “Sir, once again, it’s satellite radio. I can’t change it to a local station.”

Customer: “So I have to sit here and listen to this?!”

Me: “No, you may leave.”