This Sauce Has A Bite To It
Me: “Would you like any sauces or ketchup, sir?”
Customer: “Yeah, I’ll take some of that Pomeranian Sauce.”
Me: “Pardon?”
Customer: “Pomeranian Sauce!”
Me: “Uh… you mean Polynesian Sauce?”
Customer: “Oh! Yeah, that’s it!”
It’s About To Get Ugly In Here
(I work with a surprisingly attractive staff. While I’m not ugly, the majority of my coworkers are more attractive than me. An elderly man walks up to me.)
Customer: “I want you to serve me. Attractive people never have good service. You are NOT attractive, so I know you’ll do a great job!”
Me: “Umm… thanks?”
Would You Like Your Scam For Here Or To Go
(It is not very busy, but we are short-staffed so everyone is working hard. My manager helps me bag a particularly big order.)
Me: “Okay, ma’am, I believe my manager and I got all of your food. But, just in case, let me go over your receipt again.”
Customer: “Okay.”
(We go over the receipt together and find everything is correct.)
Customer: “Thank you, dear.”
Me: “You are very welcome, ma’am!”
Manager: “Did you go over her order again before you let her leave?”
Me: “Yes!”
(Five minutes later a man walks in brandishing a receipt and yelling.)
Man: “You idiots messed up my order!”
Me: “I’m sorry, sir. Can I help you?”
Man: “Yeah, I came through drive-thru and didn’t get half of my order!”
(I look over the receipt and see it is from the previous customer that I just helped.)
Me: “Sir, I don’t think this is your order. I packed this order a few minutes ago, and it was for a lady on counter.”
Man: “How dare you accuse me of lying! I want to talk to your manager!”
Me: “Fine.”
(The manager proceeds to tell him the same thing, but he won’t stop screaming at her. Eventually, he demands to see the store manager.)
Store Manager: “What seems to be the problem, sir?”
Man: “Look, I came through the drive-thru. This is my receipt, but your stupid employees won’t give me my food!”
Store Manager: “Well, sir, I am certain this is not your receipt.”
Man: “Oh yeah? Prove it!”
Store Manager: “Well, the top of the receipt says the order was taken from the register at the counter, which means it could not have been for a drive-thru order. And, according to the receipt, this was ‘Katie’s’ order. You don’t look like a ‘Katie.'”
Man: *thinks for a minute, then leaves defeated*
This story is part of our Scammer roundup!
Eye Can’t Believe It
Me: “Hi, welcome to [Restaurant’s Name]. How can I help you?”
Customer: “Yes, I’ll have—”
(The customer finally makes eye contact and then stares at me for a couple of seconds.)
Me: “Ma’am? Is everything all right?”
Customer: “Your eyes…”
(I typically get compliments on my blue eyes, so I just smile.)
Me: “Thank you. What can I get for you?”
(The customer is still transfixed on my eyes.)
Customer: *slowly* “Are… they real?”
Me: “Um, yes.”
Customer: “Are they yours?”
Me: *laughing* “No, I stole them from a corpse.”
(I realize that she thinks I’m serious.)
Me: “They’re my real eyes! I was born with them.”
Customer: “Are you sure?”
Me: “Positive.”
Customer: *orders and quickly leaves, staring cautiously at my eyes the whole time*
I’ll Have My Pride To-Go
Me: “Hello, welcome to [Fast Food Restaurant]. What can I get for you tonight?”
Customer: “Hello?”
Me: “Yes, sir, what would you like?”
Customer: “Cheeseburger.”
Me: “Okay. Would you like mayonnaise, mustard, or ketchup on that?”
Customer: “Yeah.”
Me: “So, all three on the burger?”
Customer: “NO, D*** IT! JUST ONE CHEESEBURGER!”
Me: “Yes sir, but would you like mayonnaise, mustard, or ketchup on the cheeseburger?”
Customer: *silence*
Me: “Are you still there?”
Customer: “I want a Coke!”
Me: *regretting my life choices*