Tipped To Be An Interesting Closing

| Chicago, IL, USA | Right | October 4, 2016

(It is after closing after a LONG day waitressing. I was stiffed on a tip by a large party that I was really nice to, and am in a bad mood. I am helping my friend clear the bar when a woman from the party comes up and starts knocking frantically on the front door. She can’t see me, and I contemplate just not answering for a moment.)

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, we’re closed for the night.”

Woman: “Oh, thank heaven, it’s you!” *she looked a little manic*

Me: “Um, yes? Did you forget something at your table?”

Woman: “Yes! Your tip! I thought my sister was paying it, but she paid for the drinks, instead of my brother, who I thought was paying for the drinks, but he didn’t pay for anything!”

Me: “Huh?” *long day, and this woman is hyper*

Woman: “HERE!”

(She shoved a wad of cash in my hand and darted out. They ended up tipping about 40% on a three-figure bill. I was really glad I answered the door.)

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Got That Gar-Licked

| Berlin, Germany | Working | October 4, 2016

(My boyfriend and I are on holidays in Berlin. We decide to stop for lunch in a Mexican restaurant along the way. Our server speaks a bit of English, but not too much. We are giving our order when this happens:)

Boyfriend: “Oh, and I’m allergic to garlic. Is there any garlic in [plate]?”

Server: *puzzled* “…garlic?”

Boyfriend: “You know, it’s kinda like an onion but smaller… err…”

(He looks at me. I quickly sketch a some garlic on a piece of paper and show it to the server.)

Server: “I’m sorry, I don’t… uhm…”

Me: “Oh! Oh, I know! It’s the thing you use to keep vampires away!”

Server: *smiling widely* “Ooh, I know it! I’ll go and ask!”

(No garlic was found in our food, and she happily smiled at us when we left. I never thought I’d end up playing charades while ordering food!)

Unable To Contain Themselves

| Los Angeles, CA, USA | Right | October 4, 2016

(My family owns and runs an Indian restaurant and grocery store. The restaurant is deli-style where we prepare the meals at the counter and take payment before handing over the meals to the customer. We usually close at 9:30 pm but because we are a family-owned restaurant, we have a little leeway in our closing times. We generally ask customers to take their food to go after 9:15pm. A couple walks in at 9:25 pm.)

Me: “Hi, how are you?”

Guy: “Good thanks; we would like to get two plates.”

Me: “Sure, is that going to be to go?”

Guy: “No, for here.”

Me: “Sorry, we close within five minutes and are only doing to go orders now.”

Guy: “Ok, that’s fine.”

(I prepare their meals in takeout containers and hand them over to the couple.)

Me: “Here you go; that’s going to be [total].”

Guy: “We have five minutes, right? Can we eat really quickly and I can pay after that.”

Me: “Okay, that’s fine.”

(I void out their transaction. I start closing up the registers and perform the end-day-transactions and accounting. I figure I’ll charge them when they are done. At about 9:45 pm, I’m done with the end-of-day transactions. The couple is done with their meals but are sitting around and chatting with each other. I start turning out the lights in the refrigerators and display cases.)

Guy: “Are you ready to close?”

Me: “Yes, sir.”

Guy: “Okay, let me pay you.”

(He pays up but then goes back and sits at the table with the lady to continue chatting. At this point, I’m the only one left in the restaurant and am waiting for the couple to leave before I can close up and go home. At about 10:00 pm, I start turning off lights in the sections of the restaurant away from the couple.)

Guy: “Are you closed already?”

Me: “Yes, sir, we closed at 9:30 pm.”

Guy: “Okay, we’re leaving.”

(They continue to chat about. I’ve turned off every light in the restaurant except the one that’s nearest to them. At about 10:15 pm, another customer walks into the restaurant.)

New Customer: “Hi, are you open?”

Me: “No, sir, we closed at 9:30 pm. Sorry about that.”

New Customer: “Okay, no problem.” *leaves*

Girl: *looking at new customer leaving* “Oh, are you closing up?”

Me: “Ma’am, we’ve been closed for the past 50 minutes, since 9:30 pm.”

Guy: “Oh, why didn’t you tell us before. We would have taken our food in to-go containers.”

Girl: “Yeah, we would hate to keep you from going home.”

Me: “…”

In A Late-Night Pickle

, | USA | Right | October 3, 2016

(The restaurant I work at used to be open 24 hours but now we close at 1 am. This has been going on for 5 or 6 months now. All the signs around the building have been changed to reflect this. The outside lights are off and the only employees are myself doing paperwork and the person getting the place ready for the morning shift. I get a call at 1:50 am.)

Me: “[Restaurant].”

Caller: “I’m at the drive-thru but no one is taking my order.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but we are closed right now.”

Caller: “But you’re supposed to be open right now. Google says you are 24 hours.”

Me: “We have not been 24 hours for a few months now.”

Caller: “But you’re still here.”

Me: “Everything has been put a way for the night and I’m just here to finish up for the day.”

Caller: “Can I just have some pickles?”

Your Joke Is A Complete Turkey

, | OK, USA | Right | September 30, 2016

(Two customers come in looking for something quick so they don’t miss their flight.)

Customer: “How about a turkey sandwich?”

Me: “Sure, that’ll be super quick.”

Customer: “And could you add bacon to it?”

Me: “Well, I could, but that would take a while. We make all our food fresh.”

Customer: *being a smart-a*** “Oh, really? So you’ve got a live turkey back there?”

Me: *just smiles but slowly dying on the inside*

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