True Romance Is Down In The Dumps

| USA | Romantic | May 14, 2016

(I am at a restaurant when I overhear this.)

Woman: “He dumped me! Can you believe that? And I’m so much hotter than him. Anyway, since he dumped me I left him a dump in his toilet to remember me by!”

(Romance these days…)

Wash Yourself Of This New Management

| UT, USA | Working | May 13, 2016

(This night I am working with a coworker who is also a friend, and the new assistant manager. The other shift managers enjoy working with us because my friend and I have worked at the location for two years, so we know all the procedures and systems and we don’t need anyone watching us. We both pride ourselves on perfect meat record (meaning we have never dropped the meat). We slice our sandwich meat in the evenings to prep for the next day. The meats are all packaged in juice, so when you open them you have to open them over the trash can to avoid leaks and splashes.)

Me: *opening third turkey of the night* “Dude, we’re so awesome at this!”

Coworker: “It’s because we’re just so perfect at everything we do.”

(My coworker then drops some turkey. We stare for a second in silence.)

Both: “NOOOOOO!”

(The assistant manager runs to us.)

Assistant Manager: “What happened?!”

Both: “We dropped the turkey…”

Assistant Manager: “That’s it?”

Coworker: “WE’VE RUINED OUR RECORD!”

Assistant Manager: *jokingly* “Haha. Well, that’s a shame. You guys know what you have to do now, right?”

Both: “Yes… record it and file it.”

(When this happens, you’re supposed to fish it out, weigh it, write a report on it stating what happened, just to ensure that all supplies are accounted for.)

Assistant Manager: “No. You have to wash it.”

Both: *laugh, but then see he’s serious*

Me: “Wait. What?”

Assistant Manager: “Ya. You just clean it and it’s fine.”

Coworker: “Uh… no, I don’t think that’s how it works.”

Assistant Manager: “It’s what I used to do.”

Me: “We were told to just report it and toss it. [General Manager] trained us to do that.”

Assistant Manager: “Well, I guess I can call her, but I say just wash it off.” *leaves to call GM*

(We do the report and toss it and continue cutting and are a little confused by his actions.)

Assistant Manager: “Looks like you guys were right. I could’ve sworn you just wash it. That’s what I did at the last place I worked at.”

Me: “Where did you work? I just want to be sure that I never eat there.”

(We finished up the night and closed up. My friend and I worked lunch the next day and we both made sure to tell the GM about his actions the previous night. She assured us that she would speak to him about it. He was then gone two weeks after that. Turned out that instead of counting the inventory, he was just guessing. There were also other instances and events that happened. He was replaced by a more competent employee.)

All The Ingredients For A Weird Interaction

| MA, USA | Right | May 13, 2016

(I am working the morning shift with my uncle in his small sandwich shop where most of the customers are regulars who live around town. A man I had never seen before walked in holding a bag of groceries.)

Customer: “Hi, I just moved to the area and heard this place was good. Do you guys make breakfast sandwiches here?”

Me: “Yes! We have egg and cheese with sausage, bacon, or egg.”

Customer: “Great! I’ll take a sausage, egg, and cheese sandwich on an English muffin.”

(I turn around to start making the sandwich when he stops me.)

Customer: “Actually, would you mind making it with my ingredients? I have gluten-free English muffin, cage-free eggs, imported cheese, and antibiotic-free sausage in here.”

(He holds up the grocery bag and tries to hand it to me.)

Me: *confused* “So, let me get this straight. You have all the ingredients for the sandwich. You just want me to cook them for you and then sell it back to you as a sandwich?”

Customer: “Yup!”

(I look at my uncle and he just shrugs, so I take the bag, make the sandwich with his ingredients, and sell it back to him. After he leaves, I turn back to my uncle.)

Me: “Couldn’t he have just cooked this at home for free?”

(He still comes in all the time and asks us to cook various food for him.)

A Bath Full Of Shut Up

| Kitchener, ON, Canada | Romantic | May 13, 2016

(My boyfriend and I just finished eating dinner at a Chinese food restaurant and are reading our fortunes.)

Boyfriend: “Okay, what does yours say?”

Me: “’There is no sorrow in the world that a hot bath wouldn’t help, just a little bit.’ I don’t buy that. If someone I care about dies, I really don’t think a hot bath will make me feel much better.”

Boyfriend: “Yeah, that’s true.”

Me: “What about yours?”

Boyfriend: “’Sometimes silence is the loudest kind of noise.’”

Me: “I guess that could be true.”

Boyfriend: “…My fortune cookie just told me to shut up.”

Can’t Vouch For That Member Of Staff

, | Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Working | May 12, 2016

(I am at a well-known fried chicken franchise. I have a voucher for a free drink and chips with any purchase. The transaction starts off smoothly enough.)

Me: “Hi! I would like to use this voucher, please.”

Cashier: “Sure, what will you be buying?”

Me: “I’ll have one [most standard, well known, basic burger on the menu], please.”

Cashier: “Okay, let me just find the voucher on the register…”

(She struggles to work out how to redeem the voucher and calls her manager over to help. In less than a heartbeat, the cashier’s demeanour has completely changed.)

Cashier: *to manager, in a tone that suggests I am causing trouble* “She only wants to use THIS.” *glares at me*

Manager: *to me* “I’m very sorry but you will need to purchase something else to use this voucher.”

Me: *amused at this strange turn of events, and not wanting to help at this point* “Yeah.”

Manager: “So… you need to actually order something. We can’t just give you free food.”

Me: “Yep.”

(The manager gets a look of realisation on her face that I have already ordered.)

Manager: *to cashier* “What did she order?”

Cashier: *sighs and rolls her eyes* “I, like, don’t even KNOW. Something we don’t even HAVE.”

(The manager turns to me.)

Me: “One [most standard, well known, basic burger on the menu], please.”

(The manager looked unimpressed and keyed in my order and the free drink and chips, then bagged the order herself. She ended up giving me extra chips and about 10 moist towelettes, which was their fast-food equivalent of an apology!)

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