Argument Cut Short

| TX, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Family & Kids

(I am both a meat-cutter and a cook, and I’m known among regulars for being the best. Some people don’t know me, and therefore don’t trust my work because I’m female.)

Customer: *on her phone* “Hi. Can I have half a pound of moist?”

Me: “Absolutely!”

(I cut a perfectly good, though darkened by smoke, piece.)

Customer: *still on her phone* “That doesn’t look very moist.”

(I decide this is no time for an argument and cut another half pound. I grab it and also grab a small piece of the previous half for her to taste, offering it upon arrival at register. The customer, who is STILL on her phone, tries it, nods approval, smiles, and gives me a thumbs up.)

Me: “That’s the one you DIDN’T want.”

Customer: *realizes she can’t reasonably turn down the second lot for the first* “You know, give me another half.”

Me: “You want that one?” *points at the refused meat*

Customer: “Yes,  Yes, please.”

Me: “All right, no problem!”

(Of the many times I’ve had someone complain about meat they never even tried, that was the first I’d ever managed to turn it around. I’ve gotta say, it made my day!)

Too Early To Wake Up And Smell The Coffee

, | VA, USA | Crazy Requests, Criminal & Illegal, Food & Drink

(I have just gotten off my job, working retail at a clothing store. I stop by a popular, well-known fast food restaurant for dinner. The drive-thru is backed up, and there are several police officers mulling around. Despite this, I’m still hungry, so I go inside and order my food.)

Me: “So, what’s going on here anyway?”

Cashier: “This customer won’t move her car away from the pay window in the drive-thru.”

Me: “Why not?”

Cashier: “We’re having a promotion where you can get a free coffee during breakfast hours. But it’s 11 pm. She shows up and wants her free coffee, and we tell her it’s only for the mornings, and she refuses to move. So we called the cops. I guess they’ll tow her.”

Me: “Wow, all that fuss over a free coffee? That’s pretty sad. I understand crazy customers, I work at [Clothing Shop].”

Cashier: “Honey, until you’ve worked at [Fast Food Place], you ain’t seen s***!”

Just Grit Your Teeth And Smile

| MI, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Theme Of The Month

Customer: *looking over a menu* “Anything on your menu can be made vegan, right?”

Me: “Well, most of it. Actually if it can be there will be a capital V next to the name.”

Customer: “So the grits are vegan?”

Me: “No, but they can be made vegetarian.”

Customer: “I’ll have the grits.”

Me: “They’re vegetarian, not vegan.”

Customer: “You’ve had the grits for awhile?”

Me: “Yes and they’re not vegan.”

Customer: “I’d like the grits.”

Me: *sighs*

Need To Reroute This Transaction

, | Hokes Bluff, AL, USA | Food & Drink, Theme Of The Month

(I hear my coworker, who is somewhat new, reading our entire list of drinks off to a customer over the speaker. I go over to see what is going on, and hear this.)

Customer: “I want a ‘route 44!'”

Coworker: “Yes, ma’am, and what would you like to drink?”

Customer: “A ‘route 44!'”

Coworker: “What kind? We have—” *reads off drinks again*

Customer: *angry* “A ‘ROUTE 44!'”

Coworker: *to me* “I don’t know what to do. She’s just not getting it.”

Me: *to Coworker* “They need you over there. I’ll take over here.” *to Customer* “Hi ma’am, what can I get you to drink with your order?”

Customer: “Oh, my god. I WANT A ‘ROUTE 44!'”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, but a route 44 what?”

Customer: *screaming* “A ROUTE 44 LARGE! I WANT A ROUTE 44 LARGE!”

Me: “Ma’am, route 44 is a size. What would you like to drink?”

Customer: *pauses, mutters something to another person in the car* “I want a route 44 Coke…”

Your Biggest Bugbear

, | Danvers, MA, USA | Awesome Workers, Bad Behavior, Food & Drink

(It is my last week working as a waiter at a nice restaurant/bar before heading off to college. Late Friday afternoon, eight men in suits and ties come in for food and drinks. A couple minutes after serving their cocktails, one of them calls me to the table, stands up, and starts shouting.)

Customer: “What’s the meaning of this? There’s a bug in my drink!”

Me: “I’m so sorry sir. I’ve never seen that happen before.”

(For the next five minutes he rants and raves. I apologize every time he’ll let me get a word in, but he won’t let up. He’s apparently trying to impress his companions, but they’re all rolling their eyes in embarrassment at his hysterics. Finally, he reaches the end of his tantrum.)

Customer: “You should be fired for serving a drink with a bug in it. It’s completely unacceptable. Take this back and bring me another one. Get me another one, right now!”

Me: “Certainly, sir. Of course.”

Me: *turns to leave, hesitates, turns back to the customer* “To make sure I’ve got this right, sir, is that another bug or another drink you would like?”

Customer: “…”

Companions: *burst out laughing*

(The customer turns red. He never said another word. The group left me a nice tip.)

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