Ordering Like A Headless Chicken

, | Baton Rouge, LA, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Theme Of The Month

(I work at a restaurant that only sells fried chicken. My manager answers the phone.)

Manager: “Welcome to [Chicken Place]. How can I help you?”

Caller: “Yeah, [Pizza Place]?”

Manager: “No, this is [Chicken Place].”

Caller: “I’d like two large pizzas with–”

Manager: “Ma’am, this is–”

Caller: *shouting over her* “PEPPERONI! And I want those green peppers and don’t put on that seasoning stuff–”

Manager: “No, ma’am, this isn’t a pizza place. This is–”

Caller: “And on one of those, on half, I want sausage.”

Manager: “We don’t sell pizza!”

Caller: “Do you still do that special crust? With the cheese?”

Manager: “No, we–”

Caller: “Oh, okay. I’ll just take the regular crust, then. How much is it?”

Manager: *facepalming incredibly hard* “Ma’am. We do not sell pizza. We sell chicken. This is [Chicken Place].”

Caller: “Oh. Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”

All Fired Up And Fried Up

| Medicine Hat, AB, Canada | At The Checkout, Food & Drink, Theme Of The Month, Top

(I have a headset on to assist drive-thru…)

Cashier: “You had the burger and a coke. Any fries today?”

Customer: *grumpy*: “No fries!”

Cashier: “Okay. And what size for your drink?”

Customer: “NO FRIES!”

Cashier: “I know, but what size for your drink? Small, medium, or large?”

Customer: “I said NO FRIES!”

Cashier: “Okay. The burger and a coke…”

Customer: “LISTEN, YOU LITTLE B****! I said I didn’t want fries! Don’t you f****** listen?!”

(She drives up to the first window and I’m ticked off, so I take it. She hands me her credit card.)

Me: “DON’T SWEAR AT MY COWORKERS!”

Customer: “Well, she wasn’t listening!”

Me: “Yes, she was. You didn’t. She asked what size of drink. She didn’t say a damn word about fries after you said you didn’t want any.”

Customer: “I want your manager.”

(I call for manager.)

Customer: “I want—”

Me: “Nope. You want the manager, not me, so you’re getting the manager.” *I still have her card so she can’t leave*

(The manager comes and the customer complains about my attitude to her. The manager says exactly what I did, not to swear at us, it’s her own fault, and not to come back. Haven’t seen her since.)

The Tongue Has Eyes

| Peabody, MA, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink

(I present a diner our menu, which does not contain any photos.)

Customer: “How am I supposed to know what the food tastes like if there’s no pictures?”

Me: “Uh…”

Argument Cut Short

| TX, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Family & Kids

(I am both a meat-cutter and a cook, and I’m known among regulars for being the best. Some people don’t know me, and therefore don’t trust my work because I’m female.)

Customer: *on her phone* “Hi. Can I have half a pound of moist?”

Me: “Absolutely!”

(I cut a perfectly good, though darkened by smoke, piece.)

Customer: *still on her phone* “That doesn’t look very moist.”

(I decide this is no time for an argument and cut another half pound. I grab it and also grab a small piece of the previous half for her to taste, offering it upon arrival at register. The customer, who is STILL on her phone, tries it, nods approval, smiles, and gives me a thumbs up.)

Me: “That’s the one you DIDN’T want.”

Customer: *realizes she can’t reasonably turn down the second lot for the first* “You know, give me another half.”

Me: “You want that one?” *points at the refused meat*

Customer: “Yes,  Yes, please.”

Me: “All right, no problem!”

(Of the many times I’ve had someone complain about meat they never even tried, that was the first I’d ever managed to turn it around. I’ve gotta say, it made my day!)

Too Early To Wake Up And Smell The Coffee

, | VA, USA | Crazy Requests, Criminal & Illegal, Food & Drink

(I have just gotten off my job, working retail at a clothing store. I stop by a popular, well-known fast food restaurant for dinner. The drive-thru is backed up, and there are several police officers mulling around. Despite this, I’m still hungry, so I go inside and order my food.)

Me: “So, what’s going on here anyway?”

Cashier: “This customer won’t move her car away from the pay window in the drive-thru.”

Me: “Why not?”

Cashier: “We’re having a promotion where you can get a free coffee during breakfast hours. But it’s 11 pm. She shows up and wants her free coffee, and we tell her it’s only for the mornings, and she refuses to move. So we called the cops. I guess they’ll tow her.”

Me: “Wow, all that fuss over a free coffee? That’s pretty sad. I understand crazy customers, I work at [Clothing Shop].”

Cashier: “Honey, until you’ve worked at [Fast Food Place], you ain’t seen s***!”

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