As part of a work project, I’m driving a long distance with some colleagues, and we stop at a small country restaurant. Everyone is catching up on emails while we have service and not paying too much attention to each other. We order, and the waitress brings our food.

Coworker: “WHAT IS THAT?!”

Me: “Liver and onions. Why?”

Coworker: “You can’t eat that! It’s part of an animal!”

I look down at her plate of meatloaf. 

Me: “You are eating animal parts, too.”

Coworker: “No, I’m not! This is meat, not parts!”

We were seated in a restaurant on a hot, humid night in Bali with a large fan covering the few occupied tables. A group of tourists walked in, surveyed the seating and chose to sit on the other side of the restaurant. After a moment they realised the fan wasn’t reaching their table and the polite thing would be to move closer, but no.

One of them got up and moved the whole fan over to their side, directly pointed at them and leaving all the other patrons without airflow. 

After we had finished our meals I approached them and asked if they were from [Specific country].

Tourist: “Yes, did you recognise our accents?”

Me: “No, just noting how rude you were taking the fan for yourselves. Your country has a reputation for rudeness and you were so stereotypical.”

They tried to justify it because they were hot. Yeah mate, so were the rest of us.

Our establishment has a clear policy: we stop seating at 10:00 pm, and the kitchen is closed at 11:00 pm, no exceptions. No, “Oh, it’s 10:03, we’ll let it slide just this once,” kind of stuff. The bar is open until 2:00 am, but you will NOT get any food that isn’t a packet of chips or some popcorn after 11:00.

Yesterday was a crazy rush, from open to close. I don’t know why, but everyone within like twenty miles of my store wanted to eat Mexican food yesterday. We did 600 covers on a Wednesday. I made almost 2,000 tortillas, which is near a record for our store.

So, around 10:20 pm, three guys rolled in and asked for a table.

Hostess: “That’s not possible, as we are no longer seating, but you’re welcome to sit at the bar and drink.”

They didn’t argue and instead proceeded over to the bar area. One guy tried to order a dozen taquitos from the bartender.

Bartender: “That’s simply not possible.”

So, at exactly 10:37, the three decided to get up from the bar and just go sit at a table. They called a server over.

Guys: “We’ve been here for almost an hour and no one has taken our order!”

The server went back to grab my boss, who told her not to take the order. Apparently, he had seen the whole thing on the camera feed. When the guys were confronted with this information, they left without paying for their drinks. They did this RIGHT AFTER we told them we had their faces on video.

So now, you didn’t get your taquitos, you’re banned from our store, and the police are looking for you. Good job being sneaky, y’all.

I’m working at a breakfast/lunch joint. It’s a counter service/seat-yourself kind of place, and it is Mother’s Day.

Customer: “Table for five.”

Me: “Actually, we’re counter service; you’ll order right here and get a number. And just a heads-up, we’re at about a forty-five-minute wait on food right now.”

Customer: “Forty-five minutes?! Why are you so busy?”

Me: “Sundays are always a little busy, and it’s Mother’s Day.”

Customer: “Well, we can’t wait that long. Can we order to go?”

Me: “Of course, but it’ll be the same wait time”

Customer: “But I’ll be taking it to go.”

Me: “Yes, but it still takes the same time to cook, and there are a couple dozen orders ahead of yours.”

Customer: “But it’s TO GO!”

Me: “Yes, but each ticket is made in the order it was received.”

Customer: “BUT I WANT IT TO GO!“

Me: “Sir, we cannot make your food any faster right now. If you would like to order, it will be about forty-five minutes for your food. If you can’t wait, I will need to help the next customer in line.”

There’s a long pause as the customer looks almost longingly at the menu board.

Customer: *Sighing heavily* “So, why are you so busy?”

Me: “I can help whoever is next.”

The hotel kitchen I work in is partially open-plan, meaning people in the restaurant can look in. When it’s not lunch/dinner service time, the restaurant is closed up but not locked since hotel guests need to pass through to get to the courtyard if they want something from our cafe area.

During one of these closed times, another chef and I are prepping food when a young man with his little daughter comes in. The girl is wearing a pirate hat, eyepatch, and the typical blue-and-white-striped marine shirt and neckerchief, and she’s carrying a wood toy saber.

Dad: “Hi, sorry to bother you. Can we ask you a question about the menu?”

Me: “Absolutely!”

Dad: *To his little pirate* “Go on. These are the cooks. They’ll know.”

The little pirate, hiding behind her dad’s legs, stares at us and then grins and shouts in her loudest, most “gruff” voice:

Little Pirate: “WHAT’S THE CATCH OF THE DAY?!”

I had to resist laughing very hard, while the other chef ducked down to hide his giggles. I told her the catch of the day was salmon trout, but the fish fingers on our kids’ menu were also fresh from the sea, wink-wink.

The little pirate, now dressed as a normal little girl, was very happy with her fish fingers when her family came in for dinner.