(I work in a sandwich shop that is near two or three hospitals, and several other medical service businesses. We get a lot of business from them, especially nurses and nurse aids, and especially around 9:30 pm or so. We close at 10. The phone rings at 9:45; I answer, calming myself down and telling myself it’s just one last order.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Sandwich Shop]; how can I help you this evening?”

Customer: “Hi, I’d like to place a delivery order to [Hospital].”

Me: “Sure thing.”

(I get her name and location in the hospital.)

Customer: “It’s actually five separate orders.”

Me: *holds down mute button* “Of course…” *releases button* “Okay, ma’am, go ahead with the first order.”

(I get the orders together, four of which are being paid via credit card. After putting in the information for the third order, she stops me.)

Customer: “Wait, [Their Coworker], did you want a drink?” *to me* “Yes, can we add a drink to that last order?”

Me: “…the order that was just paid for? With a credit card?”

(We cannot open a check that has already been tendered with a credit card, so I flag down my manager to ask for help. He tells me to see if they can add the drink on a separate order. I wouldn’t think this is a problem, seeing as they’re only $1.50 or so and their jobs pay better than mine, at least.)

Customer: “Oh… no, no… can’t you add the drink?”

Me: “Unfortunately, ma’am, her order was already paid for and I can’t open the check.”

Customer: “Oh, I see. We’ll just put it on a separate order, then.”

(After I hung up, it was already past closing time and I had already cleaned the drink machine. Guess who had to clean it again?)

(A well-known burger place is running a promotion of 10 chicken nuggets for just under $1.50. I order the nuggets and fries at the drive-thru. When I reach the window, the employee looks at me, confused.)

Employee: “Um, can I help you?”

Me: “Yes, I ordered the nuggets and fries?”

(His eyes get huge, he leans out the window to stare at the truck ahead of me, which is leaving.)

Employee: “Uh, please wait one moment!”

(He races out of sight, presumably to check the queue of orders. He comes back, still looking confused.)

Employee: “I’m so, so sorry, ma’am. I recognize your voice. The lady in the car ahead of you never placed an order. She just paid for, and took, your meal.”

Me: “Well that’s a new one on me…”

(I paid for my order and got it, of course. Does anyone want to bet that she came back later, complaining that she got the ‘wrong order’ for the food she never ordered in the first place?)

(Overheard at a diner known internationally for their pancakes, around 11:45 in the morning:)

Woman: “They’re STILL serving breakfast? I don’t want pancakes…”

(I’m in line at a Chinese fast-food restaurant and there will be a two minute wait until a fresh batch of fried rice is ready.)

Employee: “That was six wings?”

Customer: “Yes, but I need those in two separate containers.”

(Employee puts three in one container, and then moves to the second.)

Employee: “I’m adding a couple of extra to apologize for the wait.”

Customer: *angrily* “Well, how many are in the other one?”

Employee: “Three.”

Customer: “Hmph!” *stomps away to the register*

(I am on a trip to D.C. with my parents and stop by a restaurant for lunch. This particular restaurant makes its own beer and has a sample deal where they give you a sample of six different beers in teeny shot glasses if you ask for them. My parents do this.)

Waiter: *bringing the samples to the table* “Here are your samples. Enjoy! Are you ready to order yet?”

(We do, and after he leaves with our order, we just chat, not touching the beers. The waiter comes back to check on us.)

Waiter: *seeing our full sample glasses* “Is there something wrong with the beer?”

Dad: “Oh, no, we just want to eat something first before drinking, or we’ll get drunk!”

Waiter: *gives us a confused look* “Okay…”

(He walked off, still confused. We noticed that a woman at a nearby booth that had arrived soon after us was already totally plastered and we looked at each other bewildered.)