Not Interested In Being A Decent Human Being

, | UK | Bad Behavior

(I’m behind a woman who is being served. I notice something as she takes her food and leaves.)

Me: “Miss. Miss! MISS! You left—”

Customer: *while walking away* “Not interested!”

Me: “But, miss—”

Customer: *while still walking away* “I SAID, I’M NOT INTERESTED!”

Me: “I don’t care. You’ve—”

Customer: *now at the door and finally decides to turn around* “How many times do I have to—”

(She eyes me, then the purse hanging by the strap from my finger. She opens her handbag confused and then blushes furiously.)

Me: “Get it now? Don’t care.”

(I don’t even bother to let to her walk back up to me. I just toss the purse and turn. I don’t even know if she caught it.)

Worker: “You could have just handed it to me and let her find out on her own.”

Me: “That wouldn’t exactly be the nicest thing to do.”

Worker: “Yeah, I guess your way was just as satisfying.”

About To Blow His Muffin Top

, | MA, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

(I work at a well-known fast food breakfast chain. An elderly male customer orders a blueberry muffin.)

Me: “And would you like it toasted?”

Elderly Guy: “Yes, I would, but please don’t put it in the oven. It makes it too hot. Just put it in that toaster.”

(We have large oven-like toaster machines and we also have conveyor belt toasters that are only big enough for bagels. The man points at the conveyor belt toaster.)

Me: “Uh, we can’t fit the muffin in there, sir. That one’s just for bagels.”

Elderly Guy: “But that’s how I want it.”

Me: “Okay, but it doesn’t fit, see? The muffin’s too tall.”

Elderly Guy: “Well, just do the best you can.”

(The elderly guy is angry now and I’m done arguing.)

Me: “Sir, I cannot put that muffin in that toaster. The muffin will touch the top of the toaster and it will catch on fire.”

Elderly Guy: “Well, I’ll have it COLD, THEN! Are you HAPPY NOW?!”

Getting Pumped Up

, | MA, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

(I work for a well-known fast food breakfast chain. A 30-ish man steps up to the counter.)

Customer: “I would like a small coffee with extra, extra cream and extra, extra pumpkin spice and three sugars, please.”

(I’m working the coffee station so I get to work on it. Note that the default for any in a small coffee is two. It’d be two sugars, two creams, two pumps of pumpkin, etc. For every “extra” a customer asks for, we put an additional unit. For his order I use four creams, four pumps of pumpkin goo, and three sugars. And in a small coffee, this takes up more than half the cup. I give the man his coffee after I’ve finished it. Moments later he returns.)

Customer: “Excuse me… It’s not even hot.”

Me: “Oh, well, the cream and pumpkin are refrigerated so it’s not going to be that hot. Would you like me to use less?”

Customer: “NO! I want extra, extra cream, extra extra pumpkin, three sugars!”

(I make the coffee with three creams and three pumps this time with three sugars. I give him the coffee and he tastes it.)

Customer: “Look, this is ridiculous. It’s lukewarm. I need to see a manager.”

(I sent my manager over and watch the customer flail around explaining how terrible I am. Manager made him a coffee with one cream, one pump, one sugar. Guy seemed satisfied and left. Manager looked at me and shrugged.)

Your Order Will Be Ready Never

| Mashpee, MA, USA | Bad Behavior, Food & Drink

(I’m a supervisor in a popular health food restaurant where you pick up your food at the counter when it’s ready. Customers usually give a name and get a pager to ensure that they receive the correct order, but some customers wait by the counter instead of at a table. On this particular day, we are short staffed, so I am assembling plates and putting them on the counter.)

Me: *puts two plates on counter* “Order for Sue!”

(A man who has been standing nearby comes over to the counter.)

Man: “Ooooh, what are these?”

Me: “That’s [Menu Item]. Did you have an order for Sue?”

Man: “I think my order was under Joe, but wow, these look great!” *proceeds to pick up the plate*

Me: “Excuse me, that order is for a different customer. You can’t just take someone else’s plate!”

Man: “And who’s going to stop me? You, fatty?”

Me: “Sir, I’m six months pregnant, but that doesn’t mean I can’t get around this counter quick enough to stop you from walking off with those plates that clearly do not belong to you. Your order is almost ready and it looks like you ordered something entirely different than this customer.”

Man: “I’d like to see you try that.”

(He turns to walk away and bumps into an older woman, spilling all of the food all over the floor.)

Woman: “Oh, my goodness! Let me help you.”

(She gets him some napkins and I have already directed one of my cashiers to clean up the mess.)

Woman: “Do you have an order for Sue? My pager went off.”

Man: “Your food got ruined thanks to this nasty b**** over here!”

Woman: “What happened?”

Me: “This customer decided your food looked better than what he ordered and tried to take your plates. I asked him to stop, but you came just in time to stop him from receiving service here ever again.”

(After hearing a great deal of protest from the rude sandwich thief, my manager gave him a refund and asked him not to come back. I ended up giving Sue his lunch in a doggy bag after remaking her order.)

Allergic To Common Sense, Part 11

| NY, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Health & Body

(I work in a southwestern-themed restaurant, and many of our recipes include similar spices, just in different amounts. Onion is one of the most prominent ingredients in our recipes, and we sometimes get a request for ‘no onion’ in certain items. We can make some things, but it’d be pretty much just lettuce, cheese, and any number of fresh chopped vegetables that aren’t onion or mixed with anything that has onion in it. As such, I get this man in line.)

Customer: “I’d like a burrito.”

Me: “Okay, would you like that with or without guacamole today?”

Customer: “With.”

(The guacamole has onion in it.)

Me: “What kind of meat on your burrito?”

Customer: “Chicken.”

(The chicken has onion in the seasoning.)

Me: “Any rice or beans?”

Customer: “Sure, I’ll take [rice with onion in it], and [beans with onion in them].”

Me: “Any grilled vegetables?”

Customer: “Ooh, no, thank you. I’m allergic to onion.”

Me: “Sir… if you’re allergic to onions then I highly suggest you don’t eat this burrito. There is a load of onion in it already.”

Customer: “Oh, no, I’m only allergic to onion that I can see.”

(Eight years of culinary experience, and this is the first time I’ve heard that excuse. I made him his burrito – leaving off anything with visible onion – and he went on his way. No complaints yet.)

Allergic To Common Sense, Part 10
Allergic To Common Sense, Part 9
Allergic To Common Sense, Part 8

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