Fast Food And Speed Dating

| Oklahoma City, OK, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Love/Romance

Me: “Okay, you want a hamburger, hold the onions, with mustard and regular fries.”

Customer: “That’s right.”

Me: “Can I have a date?”

Customer: “Oh no, you’re much too old for me.”

Me: “A birth date. So we can call out your order. Like October 22nd?”

(After the customer leaves, the owner turns to me.)

Owner: “She could have at least lied and said she was already with someone.”

Customers Give You Crabs

, | Rehoboth Beach, DE, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink, Theme Of The Month

(I am working drive-thru. The customer I get sounds drunk, but I don’t think too much of it until he gets to the window. The customer is in the rear seat of the car; the driver is sober.)

Me: “Good evening. Your total is [total].”

Customer: “Okay… so that’s… uh…”

(The customer stares at the money in his wallet for a moment, before handing me a wad of bills.)

Me: “Alright, here’s your change and your recei—”

(I turn to hand the customer his change, to see that he now has a large brown paper bag on his lap. He looks at me, then reaches in the bag and pulls out a crab covered in Old Bay seasoning.)

Customer: “D’you want a crab?”

Me: “Er… no, thanks.”

Customer: “You sure? They’re really good!”

(The customer tries to hand me the crab anyway.)

Me: “I’m sorry. We’re not allowed to take tips.”

Customer: “Awww… that sucks. Well, you have a nice night.”

Me: “Here’s your change. You have a good night, too!”

(Later, my coworkers ask what took so long. They couldn’t believe he’d offered me crabs! Probably because we all were wondering what he was doing getting fast food when he had something better!)

A Customer With Felineous Intent

| GA, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink, Pets & Animals, Theme Of The Month

(I am a waitress at an upscale seafood and steak restaurant. There is a decorative two-headed zebra cat table at the front of the restaurant. A customer walks in and screams as soon as they see the table.)

Customer: “Oh my God!”

(The customer grabs one of my coworkers and puts her car keys in his hand.)

Customer: “My car is the Toyota parked up on that hill. Open my trunk and put this cat table inside!”

Coworker: “Uh…”

(The customer eventually sits in my section. I try to get her started on the menu, but she is completely turned around in her booth looking toward the front of the restaurant.)

Me: “Is there something wrong?”

Customer: “I want that cat table!”

Me: “Um, I’m sorry, but it’s not for sale. It belongs to the owner.”

Customer: “Well, where is he then? I’m gonna schmooze up to him and then he’ll have to give it to me.”

Me: “Okay, I’ll let him know what’s going on.”

(I go to the back to get her something to drink. When I go back to the front, I hear meowing. It’s the customer, and she is gesturing for the table to come.)

Customer: “Meow, meow, meow! Come here kitty!”

(I can see that other customers are looking.)

Me: “Ma’am, I’m going to have to ask you to stop… meowing. It’s making people nervous.”

(This goes on for half an hour. Eventually, I feel I have to talk to the manager.)

Me: “Can you please talk to this woman? She wants your cat table. She’s meowing and bothering other customers.”

Boss: “I’m not getting involved with this.”

(I go back to the table.)

Me: “Here’s your check.”

Customer: “What about the cat table?”

Me: “So as I said before, the table is not for sale.”

Customer: “Are you serious? This place isn’t very customer oriented!”

(After she leaves, I pick up the check. On the back of the receipt was a drawing of a demonic cat with sharp teeth and a note that said ‘You better give me your cat table! -The Cat Lady.’)

Displacing An Order

| Buffalo, NY, USA | Food & Drink, Language & Words

(I am at a local Chinese restaurant to pick up food for my office. I have done a lot of business with these folks. The young lady working seems to have trouble with her English. As I wait, another customer walks in the door.)

Customer: “Hi, I’m picking up my order my wife placed 20 minutes ago.”

Worker: “I am sorry. I have no order.”

(The customer starts getting angry, and the worker is getting upset and trying her best to accommodate him.)

Customer: “This is un-f******-believable. You people are ridiculous!”

Worker: “I am so sorry. I will make your food. What did you order?”

Customer: “You people need to get your s*** together. You need to learn how to COMMUNICATE!”

(The customer calls his wife.)

Customer: “Yeah, honey? I’m at [Chinese restaurant] getting our food. They screwed up and didn’t, wait, what? Okay…”

(The customer hangs up, suddenly looking very timid.)

Customer: “Yeah, I’m at the wrong place.”

(I feel the need to comment.)

Me: “Looks like you need to learn how to COMMUNICATE.”

(I then grab my food, tip the worker a comfortable amount, and walk out. I can see the smirk on her face, and the embarrassment radiating from the customer.)

Needs A Crash Course In Common Sense

| UK | Crazy Requests, Transportation

(A customer is involved in a minor collision outside the restaurant, which blocks the narrow road. I go out to help and see that there is glass all over the road. I check to see if both parties are okay. While I talk to them, a car pulls up behind them.)

Me: “Sir, are you okay, are you hurt? Stay there while I call an ambulance.”

Driver #1: “I’m fine thanks, just a bit shaken up.”

Driver #2: “I’m not hurt either, but my windscreen is shattered and we’ll need to call the insurance company.”

(As Driver #2 goes to carry on speaking, the third driver in the car behind butts in.)

Driver #3: “Excuse me, are you guys going to just sit there all day? I have an appointment to get to and you’re not going to make me late!”

Me: “Sorry, but as you can see there has been an accident and I need to check if these people are hurt, and then we will need to move the cars and clear up the glass.”

Driver #3: “How dare you make me late. This is so inconsiderate of your restaurant to allow these people to crash on this road!”

Me: “Well you need to turn around and go the other way, because these people’s needs are much greater than yours right now. And what was the restaurant supposed to do, make them crash in the car park?”

Driver #3: “YES! This is completely ridiculous!”