Holy Moly Ravioli!

| USA | Right | May 3, 2016

(I am a waiter at an Italian restaurant. I am serving two men and this happens…)

Man #1: “Your mushroom ravioli… Let me guess, the mushrooms are chopped up real fine…”

Man #2: “Tucked into a perfect pasta pocket…”

Man #1: “Dropped into lightly salted boiling water…”

Man #2: “Then finally encapsulated in a blanket of olive oil and herbs…”

Man #1: “Ready to feel the piercings of the fork…”

Man #2: “The mushrooms, the pasta, the herbs, that grated Parmesan, and freshly cracked black pepper. Oh, the explosion of flavor!”

Me: “So… two mushroom raviolis?”

“Please” Is A Foreign Word These Days

| Rochester, NY, USA | Working | May 3, 2016

(My parents take my boyfriend and me out to a restaurant. It takes us a few minutes to get the attention of an employee to seat us.)

Boyfriend: “Hi. We have four, please.”

Server: *blank look* “Four… please?”

Us: “…”

(A hostess finally shows up.)

Hostess: “Can I help you?” *looks at the server*

Server: *still blank* ” Four…?”

Me: “Can we get a TABLE for FOUR, please?”

What Your Uterus Can Do To Us

| MA, USA | Friendly | May 2, 2016

(My ex is trans and was living as male for most of our relationship; however, about a year before we broke up she started her transition. We first started dating in high school, and around that time, I would have horrific period pain, sometimes to the point of immobility. I was able to identify and overcome the cause of it, but it was quite memorable. Some time after our break up, we are out to dinner and discussing how she feels about her transition so far.)

Me: “If I die young, I’ll leave you my uterus in my will.”

Ex: “I don’t want YOURS! I’ve seen what it’s done to you!”

Has The Balls To Admit It

| Pleasant Hill, CA, USA | Right | May 1, 2016

(It’s a nice day and the patio of a local restaurant is full. I am at a table right next to a woman who is having a not-very-private conversation; the more she talked, the louder she got. Finally, at full volume…)

Woman: “But I can’t testify! I don’t have testiculars!”

(I have to say, if you get enough people snorting their drinks, the distance is impressive. The poor waiter just approached all the tables with a huge stack of napkins while shaking his head.)

That’s A Wrap!

| Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Right | April 30, 2016

(I work part-time at a popular national chain with quite a few franchises scattered about. We have a variety of meals which you can have made in either a wrap or a roll, for which we specifically ask the customer for when they order. From this particular customer’s actions, I would guess English is not their first language.)

Customer: *holding what appears to be a chicken schnitzel roll* Excuse me! I ordered a roll and you have given me a burger!

(I get my manager over because customer complaints have to be directed to them.)

Manager: “What you have there is a roll; we only serve wraps and rolls; that is the latter.”

Customer: “But this is not a roll! This is a burger! See, it’s made in a bun, not rolled up!” *shows us what it looks like in detail in case we didn’t understand*

Manager: “That isn’t a burger. It is a roll. It is similar but if you asked for a roll and not a wrap then that is what they will make for you.”

Customer: “Don’t pretend like I don’t know how rolls work. See up there?” *points to a wrap on menu* “THAT is what I want, d*** it. I want it ROLLED UP like that!”

Manager: “So, what you want is a wrap…?”

Customer: “NO, I want a ROLL for th—” *the penny drops* “Oh… s***.”

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