Until Undeath Do Us Part: The TV Show

| USA | Romantic | November 21, 2016

Me: “What would you do if I become a zombie?”

Boyfriend: “I’d become a zombie as well.”

Me: “That’s it?”

Boyfriend: “I suppose we can solve crimes together?”

Me: “Er, what? How?”

Boyfriend: “There’s a show where zombies have visions of the person’s memories when they eat brains. The main character works in the morgue, eats the brains of murder victims, and solves the crime.”

 

Avocano-no

| CO, USA | Right | November 19, 2016

(A woman comes into the restaurant I work in and orders a salad during a dinner rush. It takes longer than normal to make, but not an obscene amount of time.)

Me: “Here you go, [Customer]!”

(She looks at the salad.)

Customer: “Why does this have avocado on it? I’ve been a customer of this place since it started and this salad has never had avocado on it. I’m allergic to avocado. I can’t eat this!”

Me: “Oh, my gosh, I’m so sorry! I can remake this for you, if you want?”

Customer: “No, I don’t have time. Just pull it off the top.”

(I do as she asks, and she storms out. I’m shaking, and I don’t notice my manager coming out from the office.)

Manager: “What was that about?”

Me: “She ordered [Salad] and she said it’s never had avocado on it before.”

Manager: “That’s BS. I’ve worked at this restaurant since the beginning, and that salad has always had avocado on it.”

Dressing Down The Situation

| NJ, USA | Right | November 18, 2016

(I am working curbside delivery at a chain restaurant and a car pulls up to pick up their delivery. After the introductory spiel:)

Me: “I notice you ordered two salads without meat and a veggie burger. Are you vegetarian?”

Customer: “Yes… Why?”

Me: “Well, the dressing that comes with this salad isn’t vegetarian. Would you like a substitute?”

Customer: *turns white* “What do you mean? We always eat this salad. My wife loves this salad.”

Me: “I’m sorry you’ve never been informed of this. Most people don’t think about whether dressings are vegetarian or not, but this specific dressing contains animal products.”

Customer: “Is there just like maybe a little bit in it? How bad is it? We’ve been eating it for years!”

Me: “It contains four different types of animal lard in it. It is practically all animal product. It’s basically gravy, but for salad.”

(I can practically see the moral dilemma playing over his face while he thinks. He is even clenching the steering wheel.)

Customer: “What do I do? My wife is pregnant; all she wants is this salad and this dressing. She’s going to be devastated. She’s going to start crying…” *he continues muttering in this fashion for about half a minute* “Maybe I’ll break the news to her in a few months when she isn’t so…emotional. Do you think that’s okay?”

Me: “Wise choice. Have a great day and congratulations!”

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Katy Perry Fries

| USA | Right | November 18, 2016

(A clearly irate customer walks up to my counter holding a carton of fries.)

Customer: “These fries are too cold! Straight from the refrigerator, I’d gather!”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry about that. I’ll get you another one.”

(I take back her fries, but before throwing them away, I try a piece–it tastes warm. Figuring she wants really hot fries, I get her some that are fresh out of the fryer.)

Me: “Here you go!” *hands customer the fries*

Customer: *tries a piece* “No, I can’t eat this! It’s still cold! It’s disgusting!” *storms away, leaving the fries behind*

Me: *baffled*

No… One… Dates Like Gaston

| USA | Romantic | November 17, 2016

(I’m on a first date with a guy who seemed nice enough before this. He’s made several comments like, “You’re pretty smart for a girl,” so I’m uncomfortable and looking for an opportunity to leave without being rude. Somehow, the topic of children comes up. I can’t have children due to a medical condition and don’t want them anyway.)

Date: “Yeah, I think I’d want three kids. It’s a good number, not too many, not too few.”

Me: “Well—”

Date: *cutting me off* “The first would be a boy, of course. He’d be named after me. I’m named after my father, so he’d be [Date] III. For the other two, I’m thinking David and Stephanie.”

Me: “I—”

Date: *cutting me off again* “I’d send them to [Private School] instead of a public school with everyone else. My sons would play football, like me.”

(This continues for quite a while. He apparently has his possible future children’s lives entirely planned out in detail, and just keeps talking even if I try to say something. Eventually, he gets through the plan.)

Me: “That’s… very thought out.”

Date: “And of course my wife would be a stay at home mom.” *looks at me expectantly*

Me: *no longer caring about being rude* “Good luck finding someone for that. It’s getting late. I should be going now.”

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