Have Mouth, Will Shovel

, | Right | May 11, 2011

Me: “What can I get you today?”

Customer: “I’ll have the grinder.”

Me: “Okay, what would you like on it?”

Customer: “Whatever is on a grinder.”

Me: “Ma’am, a grinder is just another name for a sandwich–just like hoagie or sub. I need to know what you would like on it.”

Customer: “How should I know what’s on a grinder? The old place had a grinder. I ordered a grinder, and they gave me a grinder!”

Me: “So, you don’t know what kind of meat or cheese you would like?”

Customer: “Whatever is on a grinder! They made a grinder, and they put the right stuff on it! How would I know what I eat?!”

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Giving Orders Vs. Just Ordering

, | Right | May 9, 2011

Me: “Can I take your order?”

Customer: “HOT DOG!”

(Pause.)

Customer: “PLAIN!”

(Pause.)

Customer: “MILKSHAKE!”

(Pause.)

Customer: “STRAWBERRY!”

(Pause.)

Me: “What size milkshake would you like?”

Customer: “STRAWBERRY!”

(I just gave her a medium.)

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Not A Fan Of The Man With A Plan

| Right | May 7, 2011

(I am taking an order from a couple. I work in a high-end steakhouse.)

Me: “What can I get you?”

Customer: “I’ll have the ribeye. Medium-rare. Bring the steak sauce out BEFORE my steak. I don’t like to wait on someone to bring it.”

Me: “Okay. What side item would you like?”

Customer: “I’d like the apples. I want them HOT, because I want to melt butter on them. Butter YOU will bring me.”

Me: “Sir, our apples are served hot.”

Customer: “Not every time! Don’t mess with my system!”

Me: “Okay.”

Customer: “And a cup of the french onion soup. That’s all.”

Customer’s wife: “Jeez, honey. You want her to dice your onions for you soup, too?”

Customer: “You just don’t get my system!”

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Mind Your Manners, Mommy

| Right | May 7, 2011

(The restaurant I work in offers discount vouchers when customers subscribe in the website. In this case, the voucher was 2 courses for 10. After receiving her bill, a lady comes to me and starts arguing.)

Customer: “Why is my discount £3 when the voucher is for £10?”

Me: “Ma’am, the voucher does not give you £10 off your bill. It gives you the two courses for £10.”

Customer: “No, no! The voucher says £10!”

(After explaining the promotion for nearly 10 minutes, the manager joins in to help. Finally, the customer’s friend realizes the point of the promo and explains it.)

Customer: “Oh! I see now.”

Customer’s 8 year-old son: “Mooooom, it’s time for someone to apologiiiize!”

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This Vegetarian Is A Red Herring

| Right | May 5, 2011

Customer: “I’d like your chicken caesar wrap, please. With no chicken or bacon bits.”

Me: “Are you a vegetarian?”

Customer: “Yes, why?”

Me: “Well, I just wanted you to know that the caesar salad dressing has anchovy paste in it.”

Customer: “So?”

Me: “Anchovy is a kind of fish.”

Customer: “I said I was vegetarian, not vegan.”

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