Making A Rash Decision

, , , | Right | May 23, 2011

Customer: “I’d like a cinnamon crunch bagel with honey walnut cream cheese, and a cup of coffee.”

Customer’s Sister: “What?!”

Customer: “I can handle it.”

Customer’s Sister: *to me* “She’s allergic to walnuts.”

Customer: “Yeah, but I’m not too allergic.”

Me: “Uhm..”

Customer: “I’ll just break out into a rash. I won’t die or anything. You don’t have to worry about that.”

Me: “I’m not so sure I—”

Customer: “It’s just so good. I can’t help it!”


This story is part of our “Customers so stupid they should not be alive” roundup!

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Thinking Outside The Box, Part 2

, , , | Right | May 20, 2011

(Our store has a drive-thru pick up window. There is no speaker box. We notice a minivan parked about 10 feet from the window, just sitting there.)

Manager: “Go act like you’re sweeping the sidewalk. While you’re out there, try and get a good look as to what this van is up to.”

(I go outside and report back.)

Manager: “Well, what is she doing?”

Me: “Talking to our wall, saying that we need to answer her.”

(My manager sticks his head out of the window and tells her to pull forward. She pulls up to the window.)

Me: “How may I hel-”

Customer: *shouting* “I just spent 10 minutes at your speaker box and no one answered me! This is an outrage! I demand to be given the corporate phone number!”

Me: “Ma’am, we don’t have a speaker box. I can take your order if you’d like.”

Customer: *still shouting* “Then what is that on your wall?”

Me: “Well, that’s a sign saying what we have on special.”

Customer: “So, it’s not a speaker box?”

Me: “No, it’s a nylon poster.”

Customer: “Oh, I’ll take a pepperoni pizza.”

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Putting The Men On The Menu

, , , | Right | May 16, 2011

(Some customers come up to my till to pay for their meals.)

Me: “How was your meal today, sir?”

Customer: “It was good and I was delicious.”

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Killing Two With One Stone

| Right | May 13, 2011

(I am making calls to confirm reservations.)

Me: “Hello, may I please speak to [name]?”

Customer: “I’m sorry, he’s not available.”

Me: “Oh, well this is [name] calling from [restaurant]. I am calling to confirm his reservation for 6 pm tomorrow night for two people. Do you know if he will still be needing the reservation?”

Customer: “I don’t think so, sorry.”

Me: “That’s okay. Will you let him know he can call to reschedule for another time? We still have a few openings for the next night.”

Customer: “That won’t be necessary. He died last night and we’re burying him tomorrow. Thank you for checking, though.”

Me: “No problem, ma’am. We’re so sorry for your loss, and we’ll go ahead and take care of that cancellation for you.”

Customer: “Oh, thank you! Wait, do you guys cater funerals?”

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Salad Of The Dead

| Right | May 13, 2011

(Two customers are having a conversation as they order.)

Customer #1: “I have a whole bunch of studying for school this weekend. I have a test in one class, and I have to memorize the Greek alphabet for my sorority.”

Customer #2: “Wait, you have to memorize the Greek alphabet? That’s, like, so stupid. What use are you going to have memorizing the alphabet to a dead language? Or wait, is it dead? Or do some people still speak it?

Customer #1: “No, it’s dead. Or, maybe they still speak it in Greece. I think.”

Me: “Hello, what can I get for you?”

Customer #1: “Greek salad!”

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