Say What?

, | Right | March 27, 2009

Cashier: *to me* “Can you please help me? I have no idea what this guy is saying.

Me: “Hi, sir, how can I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah, I wanna cup of onions and cheese.”

Me: “Um, we don’t have that on the menu. Did you just want a side of onions?”

Customer: “NO! I want the onions… those little things.”

Me: “What do you mean? Did you want a burger with only onions?”

Customer: “NO! I want onions and cheese!”

Me: “Okay…” *I go to the back and get some onions in a cup* “Is this what you wanted?”

Customer: “No. I want a cup of onions and cheese.”

Me: “These are the only kind of onions we have here, sir.”

Customer: “No. What is this?” *picks up a milk jug*

Me: “A jug of milk…”

Customer: “Yeah, that’s what I want! What is so hard to understand what I’m saying?”

Me: “I don’t know… but those aren’t onions or cheese.”

Customer: “It’s a hamburger!”

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Joseph Smith’s Great Northern Detour

| Right | March 25, 2009

Drunk Customer: “You’re American! What state are you from?”

Me: “Actually, sir, I’m from Canada.”

Drunk Customer: “OH! The MORMON State!”

Me: “…”

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The Dangers Of Using Fishy Logic

, , , | Right | March 25, 2009

(I work at a fish and chips booth at a 19th-century London convention.)

Customer: “Hi, I want some chips.”

Me: “Sure, that’ll be [price]. Here are your chips.”

Customer: “No, I want chips.”

Me: “These are chips.”

Customer: “No, they’re french fries.”

Me: “In England, they’re called chips.”

Customer: “So? We’re in America.”

Me: “You’re at a convention set in London.”

Customer: “So?”

Me: “So, they’re called chips in an attempt to be authentic.”

Customer: “The f***? I’m an American and in America, they’re called french fries!”

Me: “So why aren’t they called American fries?”

Customer: *stares blankly*

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Lowest Common Denominator: Found

, , , | Working | March 20, 2009

(This exchange happened between two coworkers.)

Waitress: “I need a fourth of a chicken to go, please.”

Cook: “Okay, a quarter chicken it is!”


Cook: “A quarter and a fourth are the same thing.”

Waitress: “Oh… is there another word for a half?”

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You Can Never Be Too Careful

, , | Right | March 12, 2009

Young Girl: *about six years old* “Hi. I need a table for four, please.”

Me: “Sure, what’s your name?”


(The mom, dad, and little brother enter the restaurant while she’s screaming.)

Mom: “What’s wrong? What happened?”

Young Girl: “The lady wanted to know my name!”

Mom: “Honey, that’s so she can tell you when the table is ready.”

Young Girl: “Oh…”

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