How About Our Boogers, Lint And Toejam Sandwich

| Right | June 21, 2008

Customer: “I want to know why you made his sandwich before you finished making mine.”

Worker: “…because yours wasn’t finished heating up yet.”

Customer: “I didn’t want a hot sandwich.”

Worker: “I’m sorry, ma’am. Company rules say we’re required to heat the bacon for a BLT.”

Customer: “I didn’t ASK for bacon!”

Worker: “You ordered a BLT…”

Customer: “I know. I didn’t want bacon!”

Worker: “BLTs have bacon on them, ma’am.”

Customer: “No they don’t!”

Worker: “Perhaps you wanted the BMT instead?”

Customer: “NO! I ASKED FOR A BLT AND THAT’S WHAT I WANT.”

Worker:That has bacon on it.”

Customer: “A BLT DOES NOT COME WITH BACON!”

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On The Plus Side, You Can Cuss All You Want

| Right | June 19, 2008

Me: “Can I start you off with something to drink?”

Half-deaf customer: “I’D LIKE THE FISH!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, can I get you something to drink?”

Half-deaf customer: “HE’LL TAKE THE STEAK!”

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Lesson Of The Day: Food Poisoning = Bad

, , , , | Right | June 16, 2008

(Note: the FDA recently recalled tomatoes because of a salmonella outbreak.)

Me: “… and what veggies would you like on your sandwich?”

Customer: “Lettuce, tomato, and onion; that’s all. And some mayo.”

Me: “Sorry, ma’am, we’re not selling tomatoes right now, but I’ll put the rest of that on for you.”

Customer: “What? Why can’t I have tomatoes?”

Me: “Because the FDA is worried that they may be contaminated with salmonella and until we’re sure that ours are safe, we’re not allowed to sell them.”

Customer: “Your tomatoes are contaminated?! How can you sell tomatoes that are contaminated? That’s disgusting! I can’t believe you!”

Me: “Ma’am we’re NOT selling them.”

Customer: “Well, why the h*** not?!”

Me: “Because the FDA says they might not be safe and we don’t want our customers to get sick.”

Customer: “Well, that’s stupid. I want tomatoes.”

Me: “All right, ma’am, but I suggest you leave off the mayonnaise, then.”

Customer: “Umm… okay. Why?”

Me: “It tends to taste bad when mixed with salmonella.”

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Just… Wow

, , , | Right | June 12, 2008

Customer: “I want the cheesecake sandwich with provolone, double meat, and extra veggies.”

Me: “The cheesesteak already comes with double meat. It will be a few extra dollars if I add more. We don’t have provolone; what cheese would you like instead?”

Customer: “You’re kidding, right? I’m not paying $10 for a sandwich! And without provolone! Just give me the extra meat. You don’t have to weigh it exactly. No one will know!”

Me: “I’m sorry, I can’t do that.”

(I weigh the meat to the correct portion and put it on the sandwich.)

Customer: “That’s too much meat! What are you doing?”

Me: “Actually, this is the correct portion. Would you like me to take some off?

Customer: “Only if you lower the price. I said add more meat, so ADD it! And why don’t you have provolone? [Competitor] has it… and where are the veggies?”

Me: “It typically doesn’t come with them, but I can add tomato, onions, lettuce, olives, or mushrooms.”

Customer: “I can only pick ONE?”

Me: “No… any or all of them.”

Customer: “All of those are gross! God, who would eat that?”

Me: “…so no veggies?”

Customer: “Are they free?”

Me: “Yes…”

Customer: “Put them all on, and I’ll just pick off whatever I don’t like.”

Me: “Okay, thank you…” *smiling, thinking it’s over*

(After I finish the sub, the customer argues with the cashier over the price of the sub, demanding a discount.)

Customer: “This place is so expensive and I can’t even get provolone! The veggies are all mixed together! This isn’t like [Competitor] at all! I didn’t even want half of them! Where is your manager?”

Me: “Hi, can I help you?”

Customer: “You again!”

(The customer makes a pissed off face, and then opens the sub. They start picking it apart on the counter.)

Customer: “Your cashier is trying to ring me up, but that’s not the price! Refund me or I’m never coming here again!”

Me: “Actually, I just made that for you. You didn’t want the meat removed, so it is that price. I can remake it if you’d like, with less meat. Or would you still like a refund?”

Customer: “Never mind!” *throws sub in trash and leaves without paying*

(Just… wow.)

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Next Time, Less Hair, More Planning

, , | Right | June 11, 2008

(My mother is a hostess in a Chinese buffet restaurant. Said restaurant only has Chinese employees. A woman with a fully stacked plate angrily approaches her.)

Woman: “Excuse me! There’s a hair in my food! You have to give this meal to me for free!”

(My mother looks at the woman’s plate, and what does she find? A single, long, blonde hair, neatly laid on top of her plate.)

 

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