Thy Laziness Knows No Bounds

, , , | Right | July 31, 2008

Me: “Hi! This is [Restauran]; how can I help you?”

Caller: “I’d like to order a delivery.”

Me: “I’m sorry, we don’t do deliveries.”

Caller: “So, you expect me to come all the way over… to eat your food?!”

Me: “Umm… yeah, if you want.”

Caller: “Goodbye!” *hangs up*

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Whipped

, , | Right | July 28, 2008

Customer: “Can I get a pumpernickel bagel and a plain bagel in a bag?”

(I get him his bagels. He looks at the bag with a wistful expression.)

Customer: “Pumpernickel bagel.”

Me: “Yep.”

Customer: “Keeps the peace at home, you know?”

Me: “Um, sure.”

Customer: “Really does. Twenty-three… no, thirty-four years of marriage and it’s come to this. Pumpernickel bagel.”

Me: “…”

Customer: “Pumpernickel… bagel.” *leaves*

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My Parents Threatened To Do This Monthly

| Right | July 16, 2008

(I worked at a sandwich place. The order area had a counter. A man walks in carrying his year old child, and sets the child on the counter.)

Man: “Do you guys take trades?”

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Carrie 3: Disaster In The Deli

, , , | Right | July 14, 2008

Me: “Hi, welcome to [Restaurant]. What can I get get you?”

Customer: “Yeah, which of these sandwiches are five dollars?”

Me: “Just these eight behind me.”

(I point to a very large sign that has a giant “5” on it and a list of our five dollar foot-long subs.)

Customer: “Oh, okay…”

(She gives me the order of three subs and I make them.)

Me: “Okay, that’ll be $20.47.”

Customer: “What?! Why the h*** are they that expensive? You said that they were five dollars!!”

(By this time all the yelling she’s doing has turned her face blood red; this is important for later in the story.)

Me: “Well, yes, those eight over there. All three of the ones you ordered are not.”

Customer: “That’s not true! I got them off the board you told me about!”

(She points at the board NEXT to the one I talked about which lists our six-inch subs.)

Me: “No, ma’am, that’s our six inch board. The one next to it with the GIANT FIVE on it are the five dollar subs.”

Customer: “Well, aren’t you a f***ing carnival weasel! You said those were five dollars!”

Me: “I’m sorry for the misunderstanding– Wait, did you just call me a carnival weasel?”

Customer: “YOU HEARD ME, CAAARNIVAAL WEEASELLLL!”

Me: “All right. Well, ma’am, I’m getting a line here so would you just like me to remake your sandwiches so we can move?”

Customer: “F*** YOU!”

(She suddenly gets a massive nose bleed which gets all over the counter and the floor. As she storms out cursing and bleeding, the customers applaud and even help me clean it up before ordering. )

Coworker: “She called you a carnival weasel!”

Me: “Yeeeaah. Well, have fun with that…”

(I still see that lady every now and then come up to the door, see me, turn around, and leave.)

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Neverending Query

, , | Right | July 10, 2008

(The phone rings at 11 pm, although our restaurant has been closed since 10 pm.)

Me: “Thank you for choosing [Restaurant]. .How can I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah, I’d like to place an order for delivery.”

Me: “Sorry, ma’am, we’re closed.”

Customer: “I don’t understand. Why are you answering the phone?”

Me: “I have to. Even though we’re closed, we still might get important phone calls.”

Customer: “I still don’t understand. Why are you closed?”

Me: “We have regular business hours to follow, and on weekdays we’re only open till 10 pm.”

Customer: “But I don’t understand… Why are you answering the phone if you’re closed, then?”

Me: *face desk*

(It went in circles like that for about ten minutes. I finally got tired of her ‘why’ questions and it had really had been a horrible night… so, I hung up the phone.)

Me: *to other employees* “You wouldn’t believe this lady…”

*phone rings*

Me: “Thank you for choosing [Restaurant]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “So, why are you still answering the phone if you’re closed?”

Me: *multiple face desks*

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