(I am working drive thru.)

Customer: “I want orange chicken and fried rice.”

Me: “Okay, no problem. Would you like that as a one side/one entree bowl, or as a one side/two entree plate with double orange chicken?”

Customer: “What’s the difference?”

Me: “The bowl is $6.05 and the plate is $7.13.”

Customer: “No, not the price! What is the difference?”

Me: “Well, one has a single side and a single entree and it comes in a bowl, and the other has a single side and two entrees and it comes on a plate.”

Customer: “But, what’s the difference?”

(The lunch rush has just passed, so my coworkers and I are chatting a bit. I am new to this job and have only been working there for a week. I’m a woman.)

Coworker: “Hey, [My Name], are you into black guys?”

(He is not black, and neither are any of our other coworkers, so I have no idea why he’s even asking me this.)

Me: “Sorry, what?”

Coworker: “Would you ever date a black guy?”

Me: “Uh, yeah, sure. One of my ex-girlfriends was black, but what does race have to do—”

Coworker: “Whoa, hold up! You dated a girl?”

Me: “Yeah, I’m bisexual.”

(My coworker starts shaking his head.)

Coworker: “No.”

Me: “Sorry?”

Coworker: “I don’t believe in bisexuality. Either you’re gay or you’re straight. Bisexuals are just secretly gay, having a bit of fun, or confused.”

Me: “Um, dude, no. I can tell you that I like both men and women.”

Coworker: “No! You’re just confused! If you were f***** by the right guy, you’d realize that you’re straight!”

Me: “Are you serious right now? So, let me get this straight: you’ve known me for four days, and you know nothing about my personal life, and you think you know my own sexuality better than I do? If that’s not the most conceited thing I’ve ever heard, then I don’t know what the f*** is.”

Coworker: *shuts up and leaves me alone*

This story is part of the Bisexuality roundup!

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(A guy asks if he can sit at my table and starts some chit-chat, clearly building up to something.)

Guy: “Uh, are you, uh, discrete?”

Me: “I guess.”

Guy: “Well, uh, promise you won’t laugh?”

(I stare at him in wonder.)

Guy: “Well uh, I would like to do a striptease for you.”

(He is obviously serious, so I don’t ask if I shouldn’t laugh now or when doing it. After a refusal from my side and some awkward conversation, he gets up to leave.)

Guy: “I would like to have a serious relationship someday.”

Me: “Then I highly recommend using another pickup line!”

(We work at an ice cream parlor, and since it’s winter, we’re having a pretty slow night. I’m cleaning while my coworker is playing with the banana knife. He’s a teenage boy and I’m a late 20s girl.)

Coworker #1: “Hey [My Name], look what I can do!”

(He picks up the knife and slams it point first onto the cutting board, slicing open his hand.)

Me: “Oh f***! We gotta get that taken care of!”

(I rush him to the back where the first aid kit is, and we try to doctor it, but it’s pretty obvious that won’t be enough.)

Coworker #1: “I’m going to call my dad.”

Me: “Okay, keep your hand above your heart and I’ll go keep an eye on the front.”

(I go out to the front, where Coworker #2 has appeared.)

Coworker #2: “What happened?!”

(I explain.)

Coworker #2: “Why would he do that?”

Me: “Because [Coworker #1] is an idiot!”

(Coworker #1 comes back out to the front.)

Coworker #1: “My dad is going to come take me to urgent care.”

Me: “Okay, you better clock out since you can’t work like this. When I see [Manager] tomorrow, we’ll fill out an injury report. Keep pressure on the wound and put your hand above your heart.”

(The entire 15 minutes or so we’re waiting for his ride, I have to repeatedly remind him to keep his hand above his heart while he just keeps grinning and laughing at me. He ended up getting stitches and we were a worker short for about a month, and all because he was trying to show off to a married woman.)

(I have just recently started my job in fast food. The manager I was in training with has to take a leave of absence, leaving me with another manager, who is not very helpful. I am just learning the register, and said manager, instead of instructing me, keeps snatching things from my hands and doing it herself.)

Me: “Alright, ma’am, it will be a wait on your food. I will bring it out to you as soon as possible. Thank you for being so patient with us today and myself; it is only my fifth day.”

Customer: “Thank you; I’ll just take a seat in a booth.”

(I deliver her food and ask if everything is alright. She says yes and I return to making other orders, but keep noticing her staring at me. My worst fear is that I’ve gotten her order wrong, when she finally approaches me.)

Customer: “I’m so sorry to interrupt, but you said it was your fifth day?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, it is.”

Customer: “I just wanted to say you’re doing so excellent! Keep your head up; you completely have this.”

(To that customer, thank you so much for those kind words, they got me through the rest of my less than easy shift and made my entire month!)