A Lax Understanding Of Tax

, , , , | Right | October 30, 2017

Customer: “$10 combo, to go.”

Me: “All right, that’s $11.13, with tax.”

Customer: “But I’m paying cash.”

Me: “So?”

Customer: “I don’t have to pay taxes if I pay with cash, right?”

Me: “…”

Your Reasoning Cuts No Ice With Me

, , , , , , | Working | October 28, 2017

(Thanks to problems with my fillings, I can’t eat or drink really cold substances or I’ll get tremendous aches. I ask for most drinks to be prepared without ice. Most places have no problem with this.)

Me: *giving order* “And could I get a large [Soda], without ice?”

Cashier: *glares at me* “Fine.”

(I’m a bit taken aback by the sudden hostility, but I shrug it off. She finishes the order, then proceeds to fill up the cup halfway with [Soda] before trying to hand it to me.)

Me: “Um, this is only half-full.”

Cashier: *still glaring* “That’s what you get when you remove the ice.”

Me: “No. I paid for a cup of soda without ice. That means I should get a full cup.”

Cashier:No! You’re just trying to get soda for free! Just take it!”

(After she chanted, “Take it!” a couple of times, one of her coworkers came up with the rest of my order, wordlessly pulled the cup out of her hand, filled it up, and handed it off to me. I would have taken it up with the manager, but I was running late. I will note that I haven’t seen her working there when I’ve gone back since.)

Rabbiting On About Sizes

, , , , , | Right | October 27, 2017

Customer: “Excuse me, young man, what is the difference between the large and small fish and chips?”

Me: “Erm, they are different sizes.”

Customer: “Yes, but what is the actual difference?”

Me: “Erm, well, there are fewer chips, and the fish is a bit smaller.”

Customer: “Thank you, young man. I will have the rabbit pie, please.”

How To Scam A Scammer, Part 3

, , , | | Right | October 26, 2017

Throwback ThursdaysTHROWBACK THURSDAY! Check out this awesome story that you may have missed! What’s a memorable scamming experience you’ve had? Let us know in the comments!

 

Me: “Good evening. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, I placed a carry-out order there tonight and it’s all f***ed up!”

Me: “Ok, ma’am, I’m sure we can resolve this.”

Customer: “This always happens here.”

Me: “Have you placed a lot of carry-out orders with us within the past few weeks?”

Customer: “Yes, four in the past two weeks, and they were all wrong.”

Me: “Were they expensive items? Such as our 20 oz porterhouse or our foie gras? Or were they cheaper items such as potato skins?”

Customer: “Both. Mostly porterhouse steaks, though. And I want free food to make up for all of this, and I want it delivered.”

Me: “Well, ma’am, I’d be happy to do that.”

Customer: “You’d better be!”

Me: “May I have your name and address. so I can have these delivered?”

Customer: “[Customer]. My address is [Address].”

Me: “Thank you, ma’am. Just so you know, we have never carried a porterhouse steak, or foie gras. Nor have we had potato skins in the past five years. By the way, we have not done carryout for seven months. And to top it off, the police will soon be heading over to that address that you so graciously gave to me. Undermining a store keeper is a crime in this city. Have a nice night.”

 

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Cause And Defect

, , , , , , , | Right | October 26, 2017

(I work as a hostess and cashier in a 24-hour diner while in high school. One of the waitresses is basically the epitome of all diner waitresses; she’s in her 40s but looks older, she has a gravelly, whiskey-and-cigarettes voice, she takes no crap from anybody, she’s very popular with all our regulars, and she’s absolutely unflappable. It’s a weekday in the summer, late evening, after the dinner rush but before the bars close and all the drunks come to us, so it is quiet. My manager and I are standing behind the main counter near the cash register talking, and [Waitress] has just refilled coffees for three guys in a booth and is standing there chatting, holding the half-full coffee pot in her right hand. She is mostly talking to the two guys on the left side of the booth, and apparently the guy on the right side thinks he isn’t getting enough attention, because all of a sudden he reaches out and grabs her butt cheek.)

Me: “Oh, my God, [Manager]! Did you see? That guy just groped [Waitress]!”

(The manager heads for the gap in the counter to go intervene — I don’t think he knows what is coming, just that it won’t be pretty — but without even missing a beat in her conversation, [Waitress] just turns her hand over and pours the entire remaining contents of the coffee pot into the groper’s lap.)

Groper: “F***! S***! You b****!”

(At this point, one of his buddies “helpfully” tips his glass of water into the groper’s lap, and my manager is laughing so hard that he has literally fallen on the floor. The ice water bath does cool the guy’s scalded scrotum enough that he is able to get up and come yell at someone less likely to conk him with the coffee pot than [Waitress], and as [Manager] is still on the floor and thus out of sight, that’s apparently going to be me.)

Groper: “Did you see her pour coffee on me? I want her fired!”

(I am a particularly baby-faced 16-year-old at this time, so how he thinks I have the authority to fire anybody, much less this waitress literally old enough to be my mom, is beyond me. I look to my manager for help, but he’s still down, laughing so hard he’s wheezing. Nonetheless, I’m pretty sure he’ll have my back if I need it; he’s like that.)

Me: “Yeah, I saw it, right after I saw you grab her butt. We don’t have to put up with that.”

Groper: “You… I… She can’t! I’ll call the cops! Yeah, that was assault. I’ll call the cops!”

Me: “Well, I guess you could. Or you could just hang around; there’s usually a couple of them dropping in around now for some coffee before they go round up drunks. They like to sit in [Waitress]’s section, so that’ll be convenient. You can tell them your version, and we can tell them how she was so startled her hand slipped after some pervert grabbed her butt, and we’ll see which one they think is assault.”

(At this point the guy just shrieks and stomps out. One of the busboys who’s come out of the back to see what the commotion is about starts to run after him, since he’s walking out on the bill, but our manager, who has managed to regain his feet, waves him off — it’s just coffee, not worth chasing an angry customer into the dark. Meanwhile, the other two guys who were with him come up to the register, and even though they’ve gotten separate checks, they pay his, too, so that works out.)

Groper’s Buddy: “Sorry about him. His girlfriend dumped him, and he’s totally been acting like an a**hole.”

Me: “I think you might have your cause and effect switched around there, but yeah, okay.”

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