Ho Ho Tow

| OH, USA | Bad Behavior, Holidays, Transportation

(I’m a manager at an oil change facility. We have large garage doors in the front of the building to pull cars in and out. One evening as I am closing, I go downstairs to change back into my street clothes. After coming back upstairs I find a vehicle parked up against one of my garage doors. My company’s policies require that we tow away unauthorized vehicles before we leave at night. I am in a good mood, so I decide to go into the restaurant next door to ask their manager if any of the customers were the owner. After asking multiple tables, they find the owner of the vehicle along with his wife.)

Manager: “Okay, sir, this is the manager for the business next door; he wants to talk to you.”

Car Owner: *looks at me, obviously irritated* “What do you want?”

Me: “Sorry to disrupt your dinner, sir, but I wanted to let you know that you have parked in front of my store. We are actually closed now and I will have to tow it if it is not moved.”

Car Owner: “Are you serious?”

Me: “Unfortunately so.

Car Owner: “You have got to be f****** kidding me! I can’t even park in a god-d*** parking lot anymore?!”

Wife: “Darling, just move the car; it’s fine.”

Me: “Actually, sir, you’re not even in a parking lot. Your vehicle is parked in front of my store. If you were in my lot I would just let you stay since you’re just eating, but that’s not the case.”

Car Owner: “F*** you. I’m not moving my car!”

Manager: “Sir, I need to ask you to watch your language or I will need you to leave.”

Car Owner: “You stay out of this! It’s none of your god-d*** business!”

Me: *at this point my good mood has diminished* “Okay, hold on now. One, I did not have to come here and offer you a chance to move your vehicle. Two, I still don’t need to offer it, but Christmas is in three days and I really don’t want to tow your car. So, either move it now, or pay a couple hundred dollars in fines when I tow it.”

(The car owner delayed for a few seconds and then threw something down in anger. He stormed out of the restaurant to go move his vehicle. I followed him outside to make sure he moved his vehicle, which he did. I told him to have a happy holiday, and he returned the wishes by flipping me the bird.)

Black Friday Is Nothing To Wine About

| Ann Arbor, MI, USA | Holidays, Politics

(I am chatting with a regular customer at the bar. He comes in almost every night and spends a ton of money, usually on expensive wine.)

Me: “So, are you going Black Friday shopping this year?”

Customer: “No. I don’t believe in capitalism.”

Count One’s Chicken Sandwiches Before They Hatch

, | NJ, USA | At The Checkout, Food & Drink

(I work in a popular fast food restaurant that has a lot of different options for chicken sandwiches and wraps as well as burgers.)

Customer: “I want a crispy chicken sandwich.”

Me: “Okay, which one?”

Customer: “The crispy one.”

Me: “We have multiple chicken sandwiches; you can get any of them as crispy or grilled chicken.”

Customer: “I just want a chicken sandwich!”

Me: *deep breath* “Our chicken sandwiches are numbers eleven, twelve, and thirteen on the menu board, sir.”

Customer: “Oh… how much is it?”

Me: *sigh* “The number eleven is $4.99, the number twelve is $4.89, and the number thirteen is $4.49.”

Customer: “I’ll take the one that’s four.”

(The customer’s wife wound up taking over after that. Thank god.)

Deserving Of App-lause

| SC, USA | Extra Stupid, Money, Technology

(Our donut and coffee shop offers an app you can load money on and pay with like a gift card. I take an order at the drive-thru and give the customer her total.)

Me: That will be [total].”

(The customer puts her phone up with the app to pay. I scan it and notice she is about 30 cents short. I turn to tell her, reluctantly, since most people start a tirade of “I know I have enough!” as soon as I do, but she is holding exact change out.)

Me: “Oh! Most people don’t realize they are short.”

Customer: *laughing* “They do know the app shows a current balance of their card when they tap to pay, right?”

Me: “No, ma’am. Most don’t read that far.”

Customer: *shaking her head* “I am sorry you have to deal with idiots.”

Me: “Well, they haven’t had their coffee yet.”

Customer: “I’ve worked several retail jobs and in a couple hospitals. Coffee only energizes their stupidity. Have a good one!”

Someone REALLY Needed That Coffee

| IA, USA | Food & Drink

(I work at a popular chain donut shop. Most run 24/7, but our particular branch opens at 5 am and closes at 10 pm. It’s been that way since the store opened; hours are posted on both entry doors. To avoid confusion when the openers and bakers are inside, we keep the lights off inside and outside lights when not open. Typically, this is only a problem at night, mainly people trying to order from drive-thru. We’ve had people sit there, go back and forth over the sensor, shout “hello” repeatedly, and several pull up to the windows and try to order there. Openers typically unlock the entry on arrival, but keep lights off until open. Again, this is usually only a problem with drive-thru. A guest wanders in at 4:30 am.)

Guest: “Helloooo? Is anyone here? Helllllooooo!”

Coworker: “I’m sorry, ma’am, we’re not open yet. It’ll be another half hour before our registers will let us take orders.”

Guest: “Why wasn’t anyone watching the front?! I’ve been waiting five minutes to order a coffee!”

Coworker: “I’m sorry. It’s just we’re not open yet, so we didn’t expect anyone to be up here.”

Guest: “I want a coffee. Five cream, seven sugar, hazelnut flavor. Make sure it’s fresh. I don’t want something that’s been sitting out here, tasting all burnt.”

Coworker: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, we’re not open for another half hour. The register won’t let me take an order until at least five minutes to open.”

Guest: “I also want three donuts. Which ones are the freshest?”

Coworker: “Ma’am, we’re not open. All these donuts are fresh right now, but I can’t sell them. The registers won’t let me ring them in.”

Guest: “Why can’t you sell me donuts? Whatever. Just the coffee, five cream and seven sugar. FRESH. ”

(My coworker usually brews a pot when she gets in for herself, and seeing as this guest isn’t getting it, decides to make her drink anyway. Coworker warns her (again) our registers won’t ring anything in, so she’ll have to pay cash. She emphasizes this, and the guest agrees.)

Coworker: “”All right, so what size would you like that?”

Guest: “Hazelnut, five cream, seven sugar.”

Coworker: “Yes, but what size would you like it?”

Guest: “HAZELNUT. Five cream, seven sugar.”

Coworker: “Yes, a hazelnut coffee, but what SIZE would you like it? Small, medium, large?”

Guest: *almost shouting* “FIVE CREAM. SEVEN SUGAR!”

(My coworker gives up and starts making a medium. The guest watches and waits until my coworker is done to inform her she wanted a large. My coworker REMAKES it in a large, only to finish and have the guest demand a fresh pot, despite my coworker explaining the coffee was not even ten minutes old, and then she claims it is my coworker’s fault she has to remake it again because the guest had mentioned she wanted it fresh. Then the she tries to pay with card. Of course, we still have no way of processing this, and she’s upset. We basically give her coffee free to get her to leave. FINALLY, the guest starts to leave. She turns around at the last minute.)

Guest: “You guys forgot to turn on your lights. How do you even forget that? It’s dark as h*** in here!”

Me: “Oh, it’s fine. We turn them on when we open. We don’t open for another 15 minutes, so we have time.”

Guest: “You’re open now. Aren’t you open now?”

Me: “No… that’s why all the lights are off, the chairs are up, and the donut racks aren’t fully stocked, and why you needed to pay in cash.”

Guest: “If you’re closed, why did you make my coffee?”

(She finally left, shaking her head and grumbling how it shouldn’t be so hard to get a coffee.)

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