Clarissa Kent To The Rescue

, , | Right | December 4, 2009

(Note: These are very frequent customers of ours.)

Me: “Hey, Mr. [Customer]. How’re you guys doing tonight?”

Customer: “Um, hi… uh… do you by any chance have a twin?”

Me: “A twin? No. Why?”

Customer: “It’s just that there’s a girl who works here and usually serves us. She looks just like you, but she wears glasses.”

Me: “Oh, that is me. I just took my glasses off.”

Customer: “No! It’s not you. I know you’re her twin! She always has glasses on! Is she here tonight? I want her to serve us. I don’t know you.”

Me: “Um, yeah, sure. Hang on…”

(I go in back, put on my glasses, and come back to their table.)

Me: “Hey Mr. [Customer], how’re you guys doing tonight?”

Customer: “Oh, [My Name], there you are! We just met your twin! Why didn’t you ever tell us?”

 

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Fast Food For Fast Thinkers

, , | Right | November 18, 2009

(I am working as a cashier and two customers come in talking loudly about how dumb minimum wage fast-food workers are. One of them decides to prove it…)

Customer: “Let me ask you a question. What’s 7 times 7?”

Me: “49.”

Customer: “What’s 8 times 8?”

Me: “64.”

Customer: “E equals MC squared?”

Me: “What about it?”

Customer: “What does it mean?”

Me: “Energy equals mass times the speed of light squared.”

Customer: “Uhm…”

Me: “Would you like fries with that?”

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Stir, Yes, Sir!

, , , | Right | November 17, 2009

Coworker: “Thank you for choosing [Fast Food Restaurant]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Medium! Coffee! Two! Equal!”

Coworker: “Okay, will that be all?”

Customer: “NOOO! Medium! Coffee! Two! Cream! Three! Equal!”

Coworker: “Okay, two medium coffees. Will that be all?”

Customer: “NOOO! Medium! Honey! Lemon! Tea! Three! Splendid!”

Coworker: “Okay, will there be anything else?”

Customer: “YESSS! Large! Coffee! French Vanilla! Double! Double!”

Coworker: “Is that all?”

Customer: “YESSS!”

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Tall Is The New Small

, , | Right | November 10, 2009

Me: “Hello, ladies. What can I start you off to drink?”

Customer: “I’ll have a draft beer.”

Me: “Certainly. Would you like the 12 ounce or the 18 ounce?”

Customer: “Oh, bring me the tall.”

(I return with her large beer in a scooner that looks like a mini fishbowl.)

Customer: “Good Lord, this is your 12 ounce?”

Me: “No, ma’am. That’s the 18 ounce. I’m sorry, I must have misheard you. I thought you said the tall beer. Let me go fix that.”

Customer: “I did say tall. Tall is small, you know.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. We’re not [Coffee Chain]. In beer language, tall means large.

Customer: “Well, you’re just behind on the times. Everybody knows tall is small!”

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The Fearsome Foursome

| Right | November 9, 2009

(Note: I’m taking a drive-thru order.)

Me: “Welcome to [restaurant]. What can I get you today?”

Customer: “I’d like a large coffee with four creams and four sugars in it.”

Me: “That was a large coffee with quadruple cream and sugar?”

Customer: “No, you dumb f***! I wanted a large coffee with four creams and four sugars!”

Me: “Ma’am, quadruple means four.”

Customer: “Oh…”

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