Beauty And The Beast

, , , | Right | May 30, 2008

Me: “Ma’am, could you speak up?”

Customer: “Yes, sorry. So that’s a large pepperoni pizza and–”

*incoherent screaming*

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “Sorry. Do you have chicken wings?”

Me: “Yes. Hot, mild, lemon pepper–”

*incoherent screaming*

Me: “Ma’am?”

Customer: “Sorry. An order of hot wings, then. Do you have two-liter drinks?”

Me: “No, but–”

*incoherent screaming*

Me: “Could you ask your friend to please quiet down?”

Customer: “He just needs some din-din before bed.”

Me: “Children can be testy this late at night.”

Customer: “Oh no, it’s my husband.”

Me: “Is it too late to change your mind?”

Customer: “Not yet. We got married today.”

Me: “…congratulations?”

 

1 Thumbs
2,721

Yes But No But Yes

, , , | Right | May 29, 2008

(A customer calls back to complain about an order of pizza that I, the manager, had made and she had just received.)

Me: “Hi, ma’am, how can I help you today?”

Customer: “I am legally blind and my mother is looking at my pizza and saying the pepperoni, sausage, and green pepper pizza is missing the sausage.”

Me: “So, your pizza is missing the sausage?”

Customer: “Mom, it’s missing sausage, right?”

Mother: “Well… no. It has plenty of sausage on it… but there is a slice with just pepperoni!”

Customer: “My mom says it has plenty of sausage on it, but there is a slice with just pepperoni.”

Me: “So, a slice has nothing but pepperoni on it?”

Customer: “Mom, a slice only has pepperoni, right?”

Mother: “Well… no, it is evenly spread out… but there are mushrooms on this pizza!”

Customer: “My mom says it is evenly spread out, but there are mushrooms on this pizza.”

Me: “So, there are mushrooms on the pizza?”

Customer: “Mom, there are mushrooms on that pizza, right?

Mother: “Well, no…”

Customer: *to me* “I’m sorry to have taken up your time…”

1 Thumbs
4,139

Ah, Marriage

, | Right | May 27, 2008

Me: “Hi, welcome to [pizza restaurant], would you like to hear about our specials?

Customer: “I was wondering if you could make your Delite pizzas in the family size.”

Me: “I apologize, but we only serve the Delite pizzas in the large.”

Customer: “… but I want the Delite in the family size.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but the thin crust only comes in the large size.”

Customer: “I don’t want the large size! I want the family!”

(I hear her husband yelling at her in the background.)

Customer’s husband: “She already told you they don’t make it in the family size!”

Customer: “I know that. But I want the family size.”

Customer’s husband: “JUST GET THE LARGE!”

(The couple continues to argue for a minute or so before I interrupt them.)

Me: “I’m sorry, but is there something else we could get you?”

Customer: “NO! I DON’T WANT YOUR GODD**N PIZZA!” *slams down phone*

1 Thumbs
1,507

Cue Dramatic Music

, | Right | May 26, 2008

Me: “Thank you for calling. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Hi, I’d like a personal pan pizza for my son.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, we’re all out of personal pans for the day. Can I get you something else?”

Customer: “No! I guess my son will just have to go ahead and STARVE!”

Me: “…”

1 Thumbs
1,910

Crazy To Go

| Right | May 26, 2008

(Late night in a very crowded restaurant, a lady cuts in front of me and stands in the well, blocking me from getting my drinks for my tables.)

Bartender: “Ma’am, you cant stand there. Please move over to the side and I will help you.”

Lady: “I just want to get some food to go.”

Bartender: “Ma’am, please move over to the side of the bar and I can help you.”

Lady: “Can I get some food to go?”

(At this point there are three servers who are now blocked from getting their drinks from the well.)

Bartender: “Ma’am, we only do take-out orders from 5:00-6:00, or an hour before closing.”

Lady: *blank stare*

Me: “Excuse me, may I squeeze by you? I have to get my drinks for my tables.”

Lady: *turns to me* “I want to order some food to go!”

Me: “We only do food to go from 5-6. Or an hour before closing.”

Lady: “What? I need to get some food to go!”

Bartender: “Lady! You need to move out of the service well! I can’t get you any food to go right now!”

Lady: “But… but… I need to order some food…”

Me: “Right. Food to go. But we don’t do that right now.”

Lady: “Why not?”

Other Blocked Servers: “Are you f**king kidding me?”

Bartender: “Ma’am, if you will please just move to the side, I will ask if we can get you some food to go.”

Lady: “Thank you. I dont understand what’s wrong with you people!”

Me: “Ma’am, can you please scoot over? Please?”

Lady: “I’m not going anywhere until I get my food to go!”

Manager: “Is there a problem?”

Lady: “I’m trying to order food to go and your crappy staff won’t help me!”

Manager: “Well, we don’t do food to go right now.”

Lady: “This is bulls**t! I’ll have your f**king job! I want my food to go NOW!”

Manager: “Why don’t you get the h*** out of here right now before I call the police?”

(She stormed out and the entire bar started cheering and clapping.)

1 Thumbs
4,159