Yet Bats Drink Blood And Dogs Eat Poop

, | | Right | November 11, 2007

Me: “Would you like half and half?”

Hippy Woman: “Oh no! Soy please. Humans aren’t supposed to drink milk you know. Haven’t you noticed we’re the only species that drinks the milk of another species?”

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Time To Stuff Someone’s Mailbox w/Flat Lids

, | | Right | November 8, 2007

Customer, upon receiving her Moolatte: “This has a round lid, can I have a flat lid?”

Me: “I’m sorry, the only lid that fits that cup is a dome lid.”

Customer: “But I want a flat lid, Starbucks always gets me a flat lid! Why can’t you?!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but the flat lids we have won’t fit that cup.”

Customer: “I want to speak with your manager.” *mutters* “Stupid kids…”

(I go and get my manager)

Manager: “What’s the problem, ma’am?”

Customer: “This stupid employee of yours won’t give me a flat lid!” *brandishes the drink in his face*

(My manager takes one of every single lid in the store and puts them in front of her)

Manager: “Go ahead then.”

Customer: *proceeds to try and put the lids on the cup, none of which fit* “This is ridiculous! Why don’t you have a flat lid?! Starbucks always has a flat lid!!”

Manager: “Then go buy your drinks there and leave my employees alone.”

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There Once Was a Man From Nantucket …

| | Right | November 4, 2007

(I worked at this local market as a kid during the summers on Nantucket. Here are some questions the tourists asked.)

Random Customer #1: “Where is the beach?” (We’re on an island???)

Random Customer #2: “Where’s main street?” (The store was on main street.)

Random Customer #3: “When did Nantucket become a part of the United States?” (The same time as the rest of Massachusetts. It’s not the 51st state, people.)

Random Customer #4: “What is that one – O-RAY-oh?” (We serve ice cream; Oreo is one of our flavors).

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Paging Homeland Security To The Wine Cellar

| | Right | November 4, 2007

Me: “May I get something for you ladies to drink?”

Lady 1: “Um, yes. (to Lady 2) What are you having, dear?”

Lady 2: “I’ll have the white zinfandel.”

Lady 1: “Oh yes, I’ll have the infidel, too. Last night I had the marlo!”

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When They Ask Why, It’s Time To Run

, | | Right | November 4, 2007

Me: “Would you like regular ice or ice made from coffee?”

Customer: “What is ice made from coffee?”

Me: “It’s … ice … made from … coffee.”

Customer: *stare*

Me: “Frozen coffee?”

Customer: “Um… Why?”

Me: “Regular ice then. I’ll have that out in just a moment.”

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