(I work as a delivery driver for a major pizza chain. I have an exchange between me and one of the managers.)

Me: “We’re getting seriously low on pop in the cooler.”

Manager: “What about the pop cooler?”

Me: “We’re getting seriously low on pop. The cooler needs to be filled.”

Manager: “What’s wrong with the pop cooler? Is it broken?”

Me: “No! The cooler is fine! We are getting extremely low on ALL pop!”

Manager: “What do we need in the pop cooler?”

Me: “… Duck…”

Manager: “There should be plenty in the walk-in.”

Me: “… Duck? Seriously…?”

Manager: “Yeah, we’ll get it. Take your delivery.”

(A half hour later, after my return from a delivery:)

Manager: “Hey! The pop cooler is empty! Why didn’t you tell me?”

(At dinner, my dad is getting himself a drink. He mixes regular Coke and Diet Coke. I give him a look.)

Dad: “What? It’s a Coke-tail!”

(My fiancé and I are passing a restaurant named ‘Hot Luck.’ However, the cursive font that the restaurant’s name is written makes my fiancé initially mistake it for another word…)

Fiancé: “OH MAN! I thought it said ‘Hot F***!'”

Me: “Uh, no, it’s that super spicy place.”

Fiancé: *hugs me* “You’re MY hot f***!”

Me: “…”

Fiancé: “In the most romantic way possible. I swear.”

(My fiancé and I are eating lunch. The topic of my favorite single player video game, ‘Skyrim,’ comes up. It should be noted that my fiancé owns the game and we do not yet live together.)

Me: “If I got to play the game everyday, I’d be like level 40 by now.”

Fiancé: *laughs and then gets an idea* “We should elope right now so you can get to level 40!”

(I present a diner our menu, which does not contain any photos.)

Customer: “How am I supposed to know what the food tastes like if there’s no pictures?”

Me: “Uh…”