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Not In His Salad Days Anymore

, | Right | August 1, 2014

(I am a civilian contractor at a military installation’s dining hall. Unlike some of the comfort facilities at the installation, we don’t have restrictions on who can dine here; as long as they can access the installation, they can eat. It is my turn to tear down the salad bar at the end of dinner. I have taken out all of the utensils and begun to pull the dishes, when an older man in civilian clothing comes up behind me.)

Customer: “What are you doing with the salad bar?”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. Did you order a salad?”

Customer: “No, I just wanted to get a few of these.” *gestures at the fruit mix at the end of the bar*

Me: “So, you did order a salad bar?”

Customer: “No, I just wanted to get a few of these.”

Me: “Sir?”

Customer: “Oh, you mean I have to order a salad bar to get things from the salad bar?”

Me: “Yes, sir.”

Customer: “Oh.”

Cosplay Makes My Day

, | Friendly | August 1, 2014

(I’m at an anime convention, and go to a fast food place down the road from the hotel. There’s also a big biker’s event nearby, and the building is crowded with rather intimidating men. As I have my cosplay on still, I fear harassment. While waiting for a table, one of the bikers comes up to me.)

Biker: “Hey, I love your outfit. Did you make that yourself?”

Me: “Uh… Yeah… Thanks…”

Biker: “Do you mind if I take a picture?”

Me: “Oh, not at all. Go ahead!”

(He takes a quick picture, then goes back to his table. Later, I ask my waitress for my bill, and she shakes her head.)

Waitress: “Someone else paid for your meal. And he said to give you this.”

(She hands me a note.)

Note: “Thank you for letting me take a picture of your cosplay. My son is home with cancer, and loves [Anime]. I sent him the picture, and he’s smiled for the first time since he got sick. Thank you.”

(I almost started crying. I didn’t see the man after that.)

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There Was No One WHO Knew

| Related | August 1, 2014

(We all go to a restaurant for my cousins’ birthday. It looks pretty small before we walk in, but when we walk in this place is HUGE.)

Grandma: “This place is so big!

Me: “Yes, it’s much bigger on the inside!” *quiet for a minute* “Dang it. It’s sad when no one gets my references.”

Your Voice Croaked

, | Working | August 1, 2014

(I began losing my voice during my shift and got sent home early when I started to run a fever. The next day I call out of work, but I have no voice and my work doesn’t have email.)

Manager: “Thank you for calling [Fast Food Place]. How can I help you?”

Me: *tries to speak*

Manager: “…Hello?”

Me: *croaking noises*

Manager: “I’m sorry, I can’t— Wait, [My Name]? Is this you?”

Me: *coughing fit*

Manager: “Press a button if this is [My Name].”

Me: *beeeep*

Manager: “Press two buttons if you can’t come in to work tonight.”

Me: *beeeep beeeep*

Manager: *laughing* “Okay, we’ll figure it out. Feel better.”

(Two days later I’m well enough to go back to work.)

Manager: “Hey, [My Name]!

Me: “Hey, boss!”

Manager: “…beep!”

(From then on, whenever someone called out of work, my manager would beep at them before she hung up.)

I Am My Own Person

| Working | July 30, 2014

(I eat breakfast by myself at a local chain restaurant, and I have a coupon good for either $5 off two entrees and two beverages, or $2.50 off one entree and one beverage. I hand the cashier my check and the coupon. She scans the bar codes on each but looks puzzled after scanning the coupon. She scans it again and still looks puzzled.)

Me: “Having problems?”

Cashier: “Well, it keeps scanning for $2.50.”

Me: “That’s fine. I’m just one person.”

Cashier: *looking sheepish* “Oh. I knew that.”