(I’m getting food at a rather well-known fast-food joint that specializes in American-Chinese cuisine. I’ve just finished placing a large order.)

Cashier: “The [dish] is out right now. Would you like something else, or would you like to wait? It’ll be about 10 minutes to make another batch.”

Me: “I’m fine with waiting. Thank you.”

Cashier: “Okay, that’ll be [total]. Can I have your name so I can call you when it’s all ready?”

(I give her my name, pay, and take a step back to wait. About three minutes pass and I notice her walking out to me with a cup.)

Cashier: “Sir, I’m sorry it’s taking so long. Would you like a complimentary drink?”

Me: “Uh… sure, I guess. It’s really no problem though. Only 10 minutes, right?”

Cashier: “Thank you for being so understanding!”

(She hands me the cup and goes back to serving other customers. Another three minutes pass and I notice one of her coworkers is waving me over to the counter.)

Coworker: “We’re really sorry for the wait, sir. Would you like a complimentary order of egg rolls for your trouble?”

Me: “Thank you for the offer, but no. Seriously, I’m really fine with the wait. It’s no problem.”

Coworker: “Okay, then. Just let us know if there’s anything we can do for you.”

(I step back from the counter and wait a few more minutes until the cashier calls my name.)

Cashier: “Here you are, sir! I’m so sorry for the delay, I tossed in a few orders of egg rolls and rangoon because it took so long.”

Me: “Really, that’s very nice, but you didn’t have to do that. You were up-front with the wait time and it took almost exactly what you told me. You really don’t owe me any free food or even the drink.”

(Suddenly it all clicks.)

Me: “People still freak out when they have to wait even after you tell them how long it’s going to be, don’t they?”

Cashier: “You have no idea. Have a great day!”

This story was included in our Chinese Restaurant Roundup.

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(I and my husband own a tea room. We only serve drinks and cakes (sweet pie/pastries/donuts, etc.), absolutely nothing hot or savoury. We also do party platters. We are well known in our area for being a nut-free establishment due to my husband’s (the baker) severe allergy.)

Customer: “I need a refund on the food I ordered for my grandson’s birthday party at the weekend. I have the receipt.”

Me: “I’m sorry you weren’t happy. What was wrong with the food?”

Customer: “It was totally unsatisfactory! We paid a lot of money for your food and my daughter was most upset.”

(I’m looking over the receipt and notice it was a lot of money, over £100. Every food item is listed, with quantity, and it seems a lot for a child’s party. I call my husband to take a look and he remembers talking to the child’s mother on the phone and again when she picked everything up.)

Husband: “I remember when your daughter ordered it and picked it up. I asked her repeatedly if she had the numbers right. It was a lot of food for a nine-year-old’s party.”

Customer: “That’s not the point. All of the quiches were undercooked, the sandwiches had the wrong fillings, and the birthday cake had hazelnuts in it. My grandson has a nut allergy. He was rushed to hospital on his birthday. He could have died! DIED!”

(By now other customers are looking and listening in.)

Husband: “You’re lying.”

Customer: “Well, I never! How dare you speak to me like that! I want my money back!

Me: “Have you looked at this receipt? First, your daughter paid by card. Second, we do not sell anything other than cake. No sandwiches, quiche, sausage roll, nothing. Look around you. Look at our display cabinets. Only cake. And last, there were no nuts of any kind anywhere near your or anyone else’s food here. My husband is so allergic to all kind of nuts that we can’t even eat out anymore. He once served someone who had peanut butter for breakfast and he broke out in a rash and his hand swelled from touching the money. This is a 100% nut free shop. You walked past a sign on the window saying there are no nuts in our food.”

Customer: “You just don’t want to give me my money back.”

Me: “You didn’t pay. Your daughter paid with her debit card. If she comes in, with your grandson’s hospital discharge papers, I will refund her. Other than that I’ll assume that she over ordered, spent too much money, regrets it, and sent you to try and trick us. I have your daughter’s details here. If you don’t leave I’ll have to call her and tell her you are making fraudulent claims and I will contact the police.”

Customer: *recoiling a bit and deciding to leave* “I think I’ll send my daughter in here to sort this out.”

(As she leaves I realise all our other customers are staring at me.)

Other Customer: “Do you think I could get a wrongly filled sandwich and a hazelnut birthday cake?”

(At least that lightened the mood.)

(We are a group of online friends who try to meet up every year or so. One friend has brought along his wife and young son, and is telling us about a children’s show that he really admires.)

Friend: “So it’s about these dinosaurs who ride around on a train and learn about other dinosaurs and the time they live in! And it’s all historically accurate! I was Googling while we watched.”

Me: “Historically accurate… except for the dinosaurs riding on trains.”

(I am at a small takeaway store with my boyfriend getting dinner. We decide on our orders and it begins time for me to place my order.)

Me: “Hi. How are you? Can I please get a small chips and eight cheesy nuggets?”

Cashier: “I’m sorry. We only have packs of four nuggets.”

Me: “Yes.”

Cashier: “So, you can order four if you would like?”

Me: “What’s four plus four?”

Cashier: “Eight.”

Me: “Correct! So I would like eight cheesy nuggets.”

Cashier: “I can’t. I’m sorry.”

(Giving up, I asked my boyfriend to order four so I could have the eight I wanted.)

(We have a small electrical fire at our fast food restaurant. My fellow coworkers and I have just checked the building to make sure all the customers are out. Most of my coworkers have inhaled smoke and are being checked out by EMTs. I’m standing near the doors to keep customers out.)

Customer: “I ordered $40 worth of food. Why are you standing outside?”

Me: “I’m sorry, Ma’am, we’ve had a small electrical fire…”

(The building is clearly filled with smoke, visible through the windows that surround the restaurant.)

Customer: “Well, is my chicken ready? Someone can just go get it. I’ve already paid.”

Me: “You want someone to go into a burning building in order to get your chicken?”

Customer: “Yes!”

(Before I could respond my supervisor comes back from being checked out.)

Supervisor: “Ma’am, even if someone did get your chicken, it wouldn’t be safe to eat. It was in the warming tray right below where the smoke came pouring out of the roof.”

Customer: “THIS IS F****** RIDICULOUS! I’M A PAYING CUSTOMER AND I WANT MY CHICKEN!”

(I walk away and leave my supervisor to deal with the customer. Shortly after I see the supervisor run back in the building and come out with the customers refund. The customer rips the money out of her hand and storms off, nearly hitting an employee in the parking lot with her car.)

Supervisor: “I just refunded her $60 and told her she could have fresh chicken in the morning.”

Me: “Just so you know, she ripped you off. Her order only came to $42.50.”

Supervisor: “S***.”

(Thankfully, the damage was mostly in the electrical work and the restaurant was opened the next morning.)