Math Is Your Friend, Part 4

, , , | Right | July 3, 2009

Customer: “What’s the difference between the three fingers and five fingers?”

Me: “Well, the three fingers comes with three chicken fingers, and the five fingers comes with five.”

Customer: “So, which one has more chicken?”

Me: “The five fingers.”

Customer: “Are the five fingers bigger?”

Me: “No, the chicken fingers are the exact same size. You just get two more with the five fingers.”

Customer: “This is too confusing! I’ll just have a cheeseburger.”

 

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Old MacDonald Had A Meal

, , | Right | July 1, 2009

(I’m a waitress at a restaurant, and an elderly man just ordered a steak.)

Me: “How would you like your steak, sir?”

Customer: “Alive.”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “Alive. I want it alive.”

Me: “I’m not sure I get you, sir; do you mean rare?”

Customer: “No. Alive! When I poke my fork in, it will have to say ‘MOO!'”

Me: “…I’m not sure we can arrange that for you, sir. It’s impossible.”

Customer: “You’re saying it’s impossible for you to bring a cow in here?”

Me: “That’s right, sir.”

Customer: “Okay, I’ll have mine well done, then.”

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Love The Life Choice, Hate The Life

, | Right | June 24, 2009

(A woman called in to make a reservation.)

Woman: “Hi, I’m a vegetarian. What can you do for me?”

Host: “Well, I can check with the kitch–”

Woman: *interrupting* “And I don’t wanna hear pasta, tofu or vegetables!”

Host: “Well, ma’am, what did you have in mind?”

Woman: “I don’t know, but everywhere I call offers me that, and I don’t like any of it!”

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Now In Original & Extra Bandwidth Flavor

, , | Right | June 23, 2009

(I work at a sandwich place, where we have signs up promoting free Wi-Fi. An uninformed lady comes into the store.)

Lady: *looking the menu over and over* “How big is the serving of free Wi-Fi?”

Me: “I’m sorry, can you say that again?”

Lady: “The serving of Wi-Fi; how big is the free portion? Can I pay extra and get a bigger one to share with my husband, or can we get two cups for free?”

Me: “The Wi-Fi is a signal for computers that can connect to the Internet wirelessly… It isn’t something edible.”

(She looked around for a long time, checked her phone, and then walked out.)

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Variety Is The Vice Of Life

, | Right | June 18, 2009

Me: “Here’s your drink. Are you ready to order your food, or would you like some more time?”

Customer: “No, I know what I want. I want the cheeseburger. That’s all.”

Me: “Okay, what kind of cheese would you like, and how well would you like that cooked?”

Customer: “Huh?”

Me: “Sorry; what kind of cheese would you like, and how well would you like that cooked?”

Customer: “Whadya mean what kinda cheese? Reg’lar yella cheese!”

Me: “Okay… and how well done would you like that?”

Customer: “Huh?”

Me: “How well-cooked would you like the burger, sir?”

Customer: “What you talkin’ ’bout, how well-cooked?”

Me: “Would you like it cooked rare, medium rare, medium, medium well. or well done?”

Customer: “Now, look: when I go to [Fast Food Restaurant] and order me a burger, they don’t ask me if I want it cooked! Course I want it cooked. I don’t want no raw meat. Now gimme a d*** cooked burger with some plain ol’ yella cheese!”

Me: “Yes, sir!”

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