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Too Many Cheesecakes Spoil The Soup

| Fairfax, VA, USA | Food & Drink

(My partner and I go out for dinner after a 12-hour shift and it’s late at night. All of us, including our waitress, are showing our exhaustion by being a little silly.)

Waitress: “Are you guys ready to order?”

Me: “Yes, I’d like the oreo cheesecake. And the soup.”

Waitress: “I’m sorry, the cheesecake and the what?”

Me: “The soup.”

Waitress: “The… soo? I’m sorry I don’t quite understand you?”

Partner: “The soup. And it’s okay if you’re confused, because it doesn’t make any sense that she ordered just soup and cheesecake.”

Me: “I’m an adult! I want the cheesecake!”

Waitress: “You know what you want, and that’s right, you ARE an adult! A cheesecake and the soup of the day for you.”

Me: “Thanks!” *to partner* “Sorry for being weird.”

Partner: “It’s all right, dear; it’s great you know what you want.”

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Stepping Up To The Regular-Sized Plate

| Twin Cities, MN, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink, Popular

(The place I work at features an all-you-can-eat spaghetti dish. It’s one of our most popular pasta items but is a pretty generous serving, so not too many people order extra plates. Our spaghetti also comes in two portions, a standard portion, as well as a half portion. Often times, if people order an extra plate of spaghetti, the waitress will actually ask the kitchen staff for a half portion, since few people finish a second portion and we don’t like to see too much food wasted.)

Customer: “Excuse me, miss?”

Me: “Yes?”

Customer: “I thought your spaghetti was all you can eat.”

Me: “Yes, it is.”

Customer: “Well, I ordered a second plate but it’s a lot smaller than the first…”

Me: “Oh, we sometimes do that just in case people aren’t as hungry as they think they are. It happens more than you’d think.”

Customer: “But I thought it was all you can eat!”

Me: “It is.”

Customer: “But I want more than this!”

Me: “Well, when you finish that, we can bring you another plate if you’d like.”

Customer: “Really?”

Me: “Yup. It’s all you can eat so we’ll keep bringing you plates until you’re full.”

Customer: “Oh, okay. Great!” *goes back to eating happily*

(I made sure his waitress brought him a full portion the next time he asked for a refill. In the end he ended up eating almost four plates of spaghetti, plus a side salad and a generous portion of bread!)

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Got Everything Wrong

, | USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Popular

Customer: “I want three tacos with everything.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. What did you mean by ‘everything’?”

Customer: “You know, everything.”

Me: “I’m sorry; I don’t know what you mean. We have a lot of different ingredients that we can put on your tacos. Which ones would you like?”

Customer: *getting agitated* “You know, everything!”

Me: “We have ‘supreme’ tacos which come with sour cream, lettuce, cheese and tomatoes. Would you like three Supreme Tacos?”

Customer: “Yes! That’s it! With onions and everything!”

Me: “So, three Supreme Tacos with onions and what else would you like on them?”

Customer: “You know, everything!”

Me: *reading off our list of ingredients in order* “So you want three tacos with beef, chicken, steak, red sauce, chili, beans…”

Customer: *interrupts* “No, no, no! I didn’t say I wanted all that! I didn’t say to get all ludicrous about it!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, I’m just trying to figure out what you want on your tacos.”

Customer: “Everything!” *she then leaves the drive-thru without saying another word*

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I Love The Smell Of BS In The Morning…

| VA, USA | Liars & Scammers, Military, Popular

(The high-end restaurant I work at offers a hefty discount to serving military or military veterans. A couple come in, the man in an army uniform. I notice something off about the man’s ribbons and notify the restaurant owner (who is a veteran). He goes over to the couple’s table.)

Owner: “Good evening. Welcome to [Restaurant]. I’m the owner, [Owner]. I just wanted to come over and thank you for your service. Would you two like a glass of wine on the house?”

Man: *obviously pleased at the recognition* “Sure, thanks.”

Owner: “Or would you prefer a soft drink? I know alcohol doesn’t stand up to the super-soldier serum very well.”

Man: “What?”

Owner: “Well, by your ribbons there, I see you served in Vietnam. You don’t look a day older than 30, so my guess would be super-soldier serum, right?”

Man: *now bright red* “Uh…”

Owner: “Only explanation for it, considering that impersonating a military officer is worth three years in prison and no one would be f***-witted enough to do that for a discounted meal, right?”

Woman: *absolutely enraged* “You lying f***ing sack of a**-holes!”

(The man bolted out without his date. The owner gave the woman a free meal and a couple of desserts to take home, and one of the wait staff gave her a ride home.)

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Making A Meal Out Of The Ordering Process

, | Finland | At The Checkout, Food & Drink, Popular

(I work at a drive-thru window most of my shifts and as we usually get much more customers than our volume can handle, so I’ve created a way to ask questions to get through the orders swiftly as well as recommending extra purchases to the orders (as it is part of my job description). This customer comes during dinner hours when we are extremely busy.)

Me: “Welcome, may I take your order?”

Customer: “Yes, I want a [Burger].”

Me: “Would that be the burger or the meal?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “So, the burger?”

Customer: “What? No! The meal!”

Me: “All right, then. What would you like to drink with that?”

Customer: “Yes, a [Meal #2].”

Me: “Okay, so, [Meal #1] and [Meal #2] meals. Would you like any dip sauce with the fries?”

Customer: “Don’t be so hasty. I’m not done yet!”

Me: “Oh, all right. Any other meals?”

Customer: “[Soda]s.”

Me: “So, did you want both of the meals with a [Soda]?”

Customer: “YES!”

Me: “And how about the dip sauce, then? Would you like any?”

Customer: “Just calm down for a moment.”

Me: *slightly confused with the sudden command* “All right, then, would you like anything else?”

Customer: “Yes, two times the garlic sauce.”

Me: “Okay, are you in mood for any desserts or coffee, or was that everything?”

Customer: “No! Nothing more!” *sounds frustrated that I would even ask*

Me: “That would be [sum]. Please drive forward to the window.”

Customer: “Which window?”

Me: “There is only one window.”

Customer: “Which window do I drive to?”

Me: “The only one.”

Customer: “You only have one window?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “How does that work?”

Me: “How about you drive up here and see?”

Customer: “Okay, how much was it?”

Me: “[Repeats the sum].”

Customer: “Thanks. Bye!”

(At this point I can finally go back to serving the customers ahead of him in the line. When the customer arrives at the window I greet him and read out his order to make sure it had everything correct.)

Customer: “Yeah, yeah.” *hands me a bill without listening*

(I don’t really appreciate when customers do this, but I know not to repeat myself because it’s no use at situations like this. I hand him his change and then give him the drinks.)

Customer: “Hey, this is two [Soda]s.”

Me: “That’s right. Did you want something else?”

Customer: “They we supposed to be Diet [Soda]s.”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry, I must have missed that. Let me change those for you.”

(I change the drinks and then give him rest of his order.)

Customer: “Oh, hey! Add three ice creams to that.”

Me: “What kind of ice creams would you like.”

Customer: “All flavors of those.”

Me: “Sorry, which?”

Customer: “Those.”

(He points to a sign that’s on the wall outside the restaurant out of my view but I gather it must be the newest addition to the menu.)

Me: “Would you like to add anything else to the order?”

Customer: “No, that’s all.”

(I charge his ice creams and go make them. When I return to the window the customer gives me a long look.)

Customer: “You know, you really should calm down and listen what your customers want to order.”

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