(I only see my dad once a year, as he lives out of state. We are out to eat with my step-mom and her kids. We order food and everything turns out perfect. My dad is always trying to get a free meal. He is quite large and is a very scary looking man.)

Waiter: “How is everything?”

Dad: “Well, our food came too quick! We could not even enjoy ourselves, the grits didn’t taste like they normally do, and I’m sure my family had something wrong with their dishes, too.”

(Right on cue, the rest of my dad’s family started to make stuff up about what was wrong with their dishes.)

Dad: “[My Name], how was your food?”

Me: “It was perfect!”

(The waiter, who looks over-stressed, smiles at me in thanks.)

Waiter: “Well, I will call my manager over and tell him.”

(The manager comes back.)

Manager: “I am sorry, sir, I can only offer you 15% off of your order, as you have done this before.”

(My dad then starts slamming his fists on the table and screaming about how he was in the army and how he should get his meal free, then screams at the waiter and calls him names.)

Waiter: *starts crying*

Dad: “Oh, look at the cry baby! Be a real man!”

Me: “Dad, shut the h*** up! For one, you were not in the army, you were in the navy, which you got kicked out of! Plus you even said the food was great!”

(My dad got mad at me, but he bullied the manager into getting his meal for free. I gave the waiter a ten dollar tip to tell him I was sorry. I saw how much of a bully my dad really is, and now I barely talk to him.)

(We sell catering boxes of 15, 25, or 50 cups of frozen yoghurt, that customers can order for events. While the cups we offer in-store are 16 oz. or 25 oz., the cups we use for the catering boxes are much smaller at 6 oz. Therefore, when telling customers about the catering boxes, we have to make sure to mention this. I am helping a woman who is thinking of buying the 25-cup box.)

Customer: “So, does the yogurt come in these cups?”

Me: “No, for the catering boxes it comes in smaller, 6 oz. cups. I’ll show you.”

(I fetch a cup and show it to her. It is only a couple inches high and a little over twice as wide.)

Customer: “And that’s supposed to feed 25 people?!”

Me: “…One per person.”

(Pause…)

Customer: “OHHH.”

(Many people feel that size of cup isn’t big enough even for one person. I found it hilarious that she thought we expected one of them to be used by 25 people!)

(I am a supervisor at a popular coffee chain. I had just started counting some product when I realized I had left my clipboard on the counter.)

Me: *to manager nearby* “Hey could you grab me that thing?” *makes dramatic reaching motions towards the clipboard*

Manager: “Um, sure.” *hands it to me with a look*

Me: “Yeah, it’s been one of those weeks…”

Manager: *mishears me* “Well, at least you’re honest about your choices…”

Me: “Wait, what?”

Manager: “You just said it was from all the weed.”

Me: “…No.”

(I work in a busy branch of a fast food place. When customers order burgers, it’s store policy to ask if they would like it as part of a deal, which is cheaper than if the food in the meal was purchased separately.)

Me: “Hello, sir, what can I get you?”

Customer: *giving me a somewhat disdainful look* “I want a [Burger] with fries and a large [Soda].”

Me: “Would you like that as part of a meal or are you buying them separately?”

Customer: *visibly annoyed, and still glaring at me* “No, I’m having them as a snack.”

(I laugh politely, thinking that he was trying to be funny.)

Me: *smiling on the outside, dying on the inside* “Is that a large meal or are you buying them separately?”

Customer: “I already told you, I’m having them as a snack.”

(I look at my supervisor like a deer in headlights. She takes over.)

Supervisor: “Sir, are you having your order as a meal or are you buying each item separately?”

Customer: *growing quite rude and ill-tempered now* “I’ve already told him that I want them as a snack. Doesn’t he understand simple instructions?”

(My supervisor is quite protective of her trainees. I know that the look in her eyes means she wants blood, but she remains calm and collected.)

Supervisor: *trying to remain polite* “We don’t sell meals as “snacks,” sir. Are you buying it for yourself or—”

Customer: *almost shouting* “Of course I am. Now get me my large [Burger] with fries and a [Soda]!”

Supervisor: *faces me and tells me to get his food prepared* “I’m ringing that up as a meal deal, sir. That’ll be £5.45, please.”

(Customer begrudgingly slams a £10 note on the counter and gives me a scathing glare as I hand him his food in a bag and he leaves the store in a huff. My supervisor realises something.)

Supervisor: “Did he want his meal to-go?”

Me: “No clue. But I did.”

(I’m stationed at the front door as a greeter, and I also answer questions about our deals and policies and such. Our bathroom is in an odd place, and a lot of people ask me where they are. Towards the middle of a nine-hour shift, I decide to have some fun with people.)

Guest #1: “Excuse me, could you tell me where your bathroom is?”

Me: “I’m sorry, but that information is confidential.”

Guest #2: “Is there a bathroom I can use?”

Me: “We do have a bathroom but you’re not allowed to use it. Everyone else can but not you, sorry.”

(Everyone I did this to was amused, and I of course always directed them to the bathroom.)