Give One, Get One Free

| United Kingdom | Right | August 27, 2010

(I’m waiting in line after ordering a cheeseburger. Another customer is being particularly annoying.)

Server: “Your cheeseburger’s ready sir. That’ll be £2.80.”

Me: *handing over money* “Thanks.”

Other customer: “Hey! Why’s he getting his first? We were here first, that’s mine!”

Server: “He ordered a cheeseburger. They’re quicker to make than double bacon burgers. Yours will be done in a minute.”

Other customer: “I want that one! That one is mine!”

(I nod to the server, and they hand the woman the burger.)

Other customer: “This has got cheese in it! And no bacon! Are trying to rip me off?!”

Server: “You said you wanted that one rather than what you ordered.”

Other customer: “This is appalling! I’m going elsewhere. You can’t get your orders in the right order!” *slams cheese burger on van shelf then walks off*

Server, to me: *smiling* “Would you like a free bacon burger with your cheeseburger?”

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Waiter Hater

| Dallas, TX, USA | Right | August 17, 2010

(A man and his girlfriend walk in to our restaurant.)

Me: “Hello, and welcome to [restaurant]. I’ll be your server tonight.”

Customer: “Yeah. What happened to your nose?”

(I instinctively touch my nose to feel if anything is wrong with it.)

Customer: “Gotcha! I made you touch your nose.”

Me: “Yes, very amusing sir. Now may I interest you in–”

Customer: “You’re zipper is undone.”

Me: “Oh, but I’m not wearing pants with a zipper.”

Customer: “But you probably didn’t notice your pants are split open!”

Customer’s girlfriend: “I’m sorry, I should have just left him at home with a bowl of kibble and water.”

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When Matter Doesn’t Matter

| Los Angeles, CA, USA | Right | August 11, 2010

Customer: “Excuse me, do you have Gatorade?”

Me: “No, but we do have Powerade.”

Customer: “Does it have electrons in it?”

Me: “No, do you mean electrolytes?”

Customer: “No, electrons.”

Me: “I hope so.”

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Better Safe Than Saucy

| Canada | Right | August 9, 2010

(A young boy comes up to me and points at the clam sauce for spaghetti.)

Boy: “Can I have this sauce?”

Me: “Sure, it’s clam. Is that okay?”

Boy: “Clam? What’s clam?”

(I start clapping my fingers together motioning a clam closing and opening.)

Me: “A clam? You don’t know what a clam is?”

Boy: *blank stare.*

Me: “Okay, well are you allergic to any shellfish?”

Boy: “What’s a shellfish?”

Me: “Okay, you’re getting tomato sauce.”

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Asking The Eggs-pert

| Chicago, IL, USA | Right | August 3, 2010

(I am serving a table of 4, getting last customer’s order.)

Me: “How would you like your eggs?”

Customer: “How do people usually get them?”

Me: “They get them whatever way they like them prepared.”

Customer: “Can you name some of the ways?”

Me: “Sure. Scrambled, sunny side up, over-easy, over-medium, over-well, poached, basted, soft-boiled, hard boiled, I think that’s all of them.”

Customer: *long silence*

Me: “Sir, what do the eggs you like best look like?”

Customer: “Can you give me some examples?”

Me: “Well, scrambled is yellow and fluffy, sunny side up the yellow is lightly cooked and the white isn’t all the way cooked, over-easy is the white part is all cooked, but the yellow is runny, over-medium is the white is all cooked with the edges a little crisp and the yellow a little thick, over-well is when the whites are cooked and a little brown and the yellow is cooked all the way through and dry.”

Customer: “Which is the one where you can dip the toast in the yellow but there’s no goopy stuff?”

Me: “Over-easy is the best option for that.”

Customer: “That’s the way I like my eggs then.”

Me: “Did you want me to write that down for you for the next time you go out for breakfast?”

All of the customer’s friends: *in unison* “Yes, please!”

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