Finger Lickin’ Good Parenting

, | | Right | January 6, 2009

(A man walks up to our hot case with his wife and two little girls.)

Me: “Hi! How may I help you?”

Customer: “Hi – we wanted to get some chicken strips.”

(As I am taking his order, I notice his daughters licking the hot case glass.)

Me: “Excuse me sir, but your daughters are licking the glass.”

Customer: “Yeah.”

Me: “Well…aside from the fact that the glass is hot, we cleaned it this morning with a chemical cleaner to wash off a layer of grease build-up.”

Customer: “So?”

Me: “The chemical we used is a known carcinogen. I might suggest that you stop your daughters from ingesting it.”

Customer: “Look, lady. You’ve obviously never been a parent. When you have kids, you’ll learn that it’s MUCH easier to just let your kids do whatever they want.”

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Customer Of The Week: The Epicure

| | Right | December 24, 2008

Customer Of The Week: The Epicure
Created by our friends at Quitting Time

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So That’s The Difference…

| | Right | December 23, 2008

Me: “Ma’am, are you ready to order?”

Customer: “Yes…how many pieces come in the grilled chicken meal?”

Me: “It comes with one, but we can put on a second for $2 extra, no problem at all.” ¬†

Customer: “Okay, do that, then.” ¬†

Me: “Yes, ma’am. That comes with two sides, what would you like?”

Customer: “Just give me a double order of the steamed veggies, please. I’m a vegetarian.”

Me: ¬†*surprised* ¬†”All right, well, are you sure you want the chicken, then? It’s made of actual meat….”

Customer: *angrily* “I said I’m VEGETARIAN, not a damn VEGAN!”

Me: “…yes, ma’am, my apologies.”

(I then retreat to the back to enter in her order. As I do so, the manager walks up.)

Manager: “You look annoyed; something wrong?”

Me: “Just wishing we served alcohol…I could use a shot.”

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Man Cannot Live By Water Alone

| | Right | December 22, 2008

Me: “Hello, ma’am. ¬†Can I get you anything to drink?”

Customer: “Yes, please. I would like a glass of water.”

Me: “Coming right up.”

Me: delivering the water* “There you are, ma’am. Have you decided what you want to order?”

Customer: *downing the water* “Wow, this water is great. Do you happen to have any more, sweetie?”

Me: “Er…yeah we do. Do you want another glass?”

Customer: “I would appreciate it.”

(I go to get her another glass of water, and as soon as I come back, she begins to speak up about the menu.)

Customer: “Oh Lord! Don’t you have any vegetarian stuff here?”

Me: “I’m sorry miss, but this is a bar and grill. We have salads, but they all come with chicken or beef.”

Customer: “That’s inhumane! Don’t you know what you’re doing to the animals?”

Me: “I think you should go to a vegan restaurant. What did you expect from a bar and grill?”

Customer: “Don’t give me your sass! I just want some non-animal food! Don’t you have any of that?”

Me: “Well..we have grilled cheese, and–”

Customer: *cutting me off* “WHAT?! CHEESE COMES FROM MILK, WHICH COMES FROM COWS! I’M NOT EATING THAT!”

Me: “I’m sorry then, ma’am, there’s really nothing for you here. Please quiet down; you’re disturbing the other customers.”

Customer #2: *from across the room* “Listen to what he tells you, you stupid b****!”

Customer: “Goodness! You god**** animal murderers deserve to go to hell! *pause* “Er, sonny, may I get another glass of that water?”

Me: “OUT!”

Customer #2: *from across the room* “Mmm… murder.”

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It Will Return Soon Enough

, | | Right | December 18, 2008

Me: “Thank you for calling ****. Can I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, I ordered some food and I need a refund.”

Me: “Of course – can you please explain what the matter with your food was?”

Customer: “Well, I drove it home and put it on the counter. My husband asked me to help him rake up some leaves. When I got back in, the dog had gotten up on the counter and eaten everything.”

Me: “You want me to replace the food your dog ate?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “…”

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