A Hearty Heart Meal

| Right | February 10, 2012

Me: “Welcome to [restaurant)]. My name is—”

Customer: *rudely* “Can we go ahead and order? I am starving.”

Me: “Go right ahead, sir.”

Customer: “I’ll have the never-ending pancake sampler, but make it all bacon and add an extra egg over easy.”

(He finishes his order, but continues to stare at me the entire time, until his food arrives. Note that his order comes with 3 eggs, 6 strips of bacon, hash browns and 3 pancakes. He asks me to bring out more pancakes twice, bringing his total to 8.)

Me: *dropping off the check* “Is there anything else I can get for you today?”

Customer: “No, that was great. I’m sorry I was so rude earlier; I was just starving. I just got out of the hospital for a heart attack. They don’t let you eat anything in there!”

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Singing Is Good For The Sole

| Related | February 8, 2012

(My family is having sushi for dinner. My brother’s favorite kind of sushi is anything that contains tuna.)

Waitress: “Can I get you guys anything else?”

Brother: “Yeah, can we get more tuna nigiri, please?”

Mom: “Haven’t you had enough tuna for one night?”

Brother: “No! I haven’t had my fill yet!”

Mom: “You shouldn’t eat so much tuna. It’s bad for you; it’s very high in mercury.”

Brother: “So, eating tuna will make me a better singer? Don’t stop me now!”

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Jeepers, Creepers

| Romantic | February 7, 2012

Boyfriend: “You’ve got pretty eyes. I want to keep them in a box.”

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They Would Rather Steal A Foot-Long Than A Six-Year

| Related | February 7, 2012

(I am standing in line at a deli. As it is a busy time of day, people are lined up all the way to the entrance. A mother and her six year old daughter walk in behind us.)

Mother: *cheerfully* “No, honey, you can’t stand outside. Someone
might snatch you because you’re so cute, and sell you on the black market!”

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It’s High Time To Lay Off The Drugs

| Right | February 7, 2012

Me: “Hi, can I help you?

Customer: “Yeah, when do you start lunch?”

Me: “At 10:30, ma’am.”

Customer: “Okay, so can I get [large lunch meal]?”

Me: “No, ma’am, it’s still breakfast.”

Customer: “But you just said you start lunch at 10:30!”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, but it’s not 10:30 yet.”

Customer: “What time is it?”

Me: “6:00 am, ma’am.”

Customer: “Oh.” *long pause* “Sorry, I didn’t realize I was this high when I left the house!”

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