Do Unto Others

, | Cape Carteret, NC, USA | Right | September 19, 2011

(This takes place toward the end of my shift in the drive-thru. Everything has been slow for awhile.)

Customer: “Two cheeseburgers and that’ll be it.”

Me: “Okay sir, your total will be–”

(The customer drives ahead to the window before I can finish.)

Me: “Evening, sir. Your total will be $2.14.”

Customer: “I KNOW how to add!”

Me: “I’m sorry sir, but I wouldn’t be doing my job if I didn’t give you your total.”

Customer: *hands me money* “I know, I’m sorry.”

Me: *makes change* “Long day?”

Customer: “Yeah, lot of customers being a**holes.”

Me: “Yeah. I know the feeling. Have a nice day!”

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The Lost And Eaten

, | Kansas City, MO, USA | Right | September 11, 2011

(Sometimes, customers call the store when their order is wrong. This one was a little bit more special.)

Manager: “How can I help you today?”

Customer: “I didn’t get my food!”

Manager: “What do you mean?”

Customer: “When I came through the drive-thru, I got my food. But when I got home it was gone!”

Manager: “Let me get this straight. You got your food at the window?”

Customer: “Yes!”

Manager: “And it was in your car when you left?”

Customer: “Yes!”

Manager: “And it was gone when you got home?”

Customer: “It wasn’t there anymore.”

Manager: “So between here and home, you lost your food? How do you expect us to fix it?”

Customer: *hangs up*

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Dripular Reasoning

, | Kennebunk, ME, USA | Right | September 9, 2011

(I live in a relatively small town and have lived there all my life. Needless to say, I know the place inside out and walk through downtown to get to work pretty much every day.)

Tourist: “Excuse me, do you know where the nearest Starbucks is?”

Me: “Of course, if you go–”

Older Man: “Yes it’s downtown right before the bridge detour you can’t miss it!”

Me: “Sir, I believe that’s [coffee shop], not Starbucks.”

Older Man: “No, it’s Starbucks!”

Me: “Sir, that’s [coffee shop]. There’s never been a Starbucks there.”

Older Man: “No, you’re wrong! When exactly did it become [coffee shop]?! Hmm?”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but it’s been [coffee shop] for about two years now.”

Older Man: “Well, unless Starbucks left and changed the name overnight, you’re wrong!”

Me: “It didn’t. It’s–”

Older Man: “Right! So it’s Starbucks and you’re wrong!”

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And The Thigh Bone’s Connected To The

, | Newport, UK | Right | September 8, 2011

Customer: “I’ll have two wings, one breast, and one side-breast.”

Cashier: “Side-breast?”

Customer: “Yes, side-breast…” *repeats order*

Cashier: “What’s that?”

Customer: “Well, you have the breast, which is the front of the chicken, and the side-breast, which is half of the breast.”

Cashier: “Well, we don’t do that. We have thighs, legs, wings, ribs, and breast.”

Customer: “No, you have side-breast! I always have side-breast! There it is–those ones there!”

(The customer points to a pile in one of the heating units.)

Cashier: “Oh, you mean rib!”

Customer: “Yes, side-breast!”

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From Tasteless Typos To Tasteful Tenderness

| Berkeley, CA, USA | Romantic | September 7, 2011

(Note: The pizzeria a block from my campus made a typo in an ad published in the school newspaper that morning, advertising that the Greek Special was a “huge 18 inch” male organ instead of a “huge 18 inch pizza”. Note that I am a guy of Iranian descent.)

Pretty Girl: “One Greek Special, please.” *giggles and gestures to the ad*

Clerk: “Miss, as I’ve been explaining to everyone, there’s a typo in that ad.”

Pretty Girl: “In that case, one slice of pepperoni.”

(Three fraternity boys nearby walk over to the pretty girl.)

Frat boys: “Between us, we can give you the real Greek Special.”

Pretty Girl: “I’m not into that! Try your line elsewhere.”

(I’ve been in line behind her this entire time, and overhear the exchange. After I get my pizza, I walk over to her.)

Me: “How about I give you an Iranian special instead? Two hours of listening and afterwards you can rest your head on my chest and snuggle until you fall asleep.”

Pretty Girl: *laughs* “I’ll take it!”

(We dated for the next 4 months.)

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