With Great Bacon, Comes Great Responsibility, Part 2

| Romantic | March 8, 2012

(My boyfriend and I order a couple of bacon cheeseburgers. He offers to pay.)

Me: “Thank you, hon. I love you.”

Boyfriend: “I love you, too.”

Me: “Of course you love me, you’re buying me bacon!”

(The cashier cracks up and gives us one of their collectable cups for free, for being ‘sufficiently adorable’.)

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With Great Bacon, Comes Great Responsibility

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A Very Dim Sum

| Related | March 7, 2012

(I am a British-born Chinese. While I can speak basic Cantonese, I can not read it. I am visiting family in Hong Kong and meet my old grandmother in a small dim-sum restaurant. The menu is entirely written in Cantonese.)

Me: “Grandma, you order. I can’t read the menu.”

Grandma: “I’ve forgotten my glasses. I can’t read it either.”

Me: “What will we do?”

Grandma: “Just order tea for now. Your aunt should be along in a minute. She can order for us.”

(We order tea and wait for my aunt, who is being very tardy. The waiting staff are getting frustrated and come over to complain.)

Waiter: “Why are you not ordering? You’ve just been sitting here for 15 minutes drinking tea!”

(Finally, my aunt comes in.)

Aunt: “What is happening here? Why haven’t you ordered?”

Me: *loudly, and truthfully* “Because grandma can’t see, and I can’t read!”

(My aunt bursts into laughter and tells the waiter that her family are ‘special’.)

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You’ve Rubbed Me The Wrong Way

| Right | March 6, 2012

(A customer is ordering on drive-thru.)

Me: “Anything else I can get for you today?”

Customer: “Five thousand dollars?”

Me: “I’m sorry, I’m just a cashier, not a genie. Will that be all?”

Customer: *defeated sigh* “Yes…”

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The Ire Of The Irish

| Right | March 2, 2012

(I’m Irish and am working in the States one summer, waiting tables at an Irish pub/restaurant. I’m serving a couple in their 30s.)

Customer: “Where are you from?”

Me: “I’m from Ireland.”

Customer: “Where’s that?”

Me: “It’s in Europe.”

Customer: “Oh, you’re from another country! Your English is really good!”

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The Spitting Image Of Ugly

, | Related | March 2, 2012

(I am carrying my three-year-old sister through a fast food restaurant to the bathroom. It’s partly because she had no socks on, but also because she is misbehaving and spitting on the floor.)

Me: “Don’t do that!”

Sister: “Oh, it’s okay! The ugly people will clean it up!”

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