With Great Bacon, Comes Great Responsibility, Part 2

| Romantic | March 8, 2012

(My boyfriend and I order a couple of bacon cheeseburgers. He offers to pay.)

Me: “Thank you, hon. I love you.”

Boyfriend: “I love you, too.”

Me: “Of course you love me, you’re buying me bacon!”

(The cashier cracks up and gives us one of their collectable cups for free, for being ‘sufficiently adorable’.)

With Great Bacon, Comes Great Responsibility

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A Very Dim Sum

| Related | March 7, 2012

(I am a British-born Chinese. While I can speak basic Cantonese, I can not read it. I am visiting family in Hong Kong and meet my old grandmother in a small dim-sum restaurant. The menu is entirely written in Cantonese.)

Me: “Grandma, you order. I can’t read the menu.”

Grandma: “I’ve forgotten my glasses. I can’t read it either.”

Me: “What will we do?”

Grandma: “Just order tea for now. Your aunt should be along in a minute. She can order for us.”

(We order tea and wait for my aunt, who is being very tardy. The waiting staff are getting frustrated and come over to complain.)

Waiter: “Why are you not ordering? You’ve just been sitting here for 15 minutes drinking tea!”

(Finally, my aunt comes in.)

Aunt: “What is happening here? Why haven’t you ordered?”

Me: *loudly, and truthfully* “Because grandma can’t see, and I can’t read!”

(My aunt bursts into laughter and tells the waiter that her family are ‘special’.)

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You’ve Rubbed Me The Wrong Way

| Right | March 6, 2012

(A customer is ordering on drive-thru.)

Me: “Anything else I can get for you today?”

Customer: “Five thousand dollars?”

Me: “I’m sorry, I’m just a cashier, not a genie. Will that be all?”

Customer: *defeated sigh* “Yes…”

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The Ire Of The Irish

| Right | March 2, 2012

(I’m Irish and am working in the States one summer, waiting tables at an Irish pub/restaurant. I’m serving a couple in their 30s.)

Customer: “Where are you from?”

Me: “I’m from Ireland.”

Customer: “Where’s that?”

Me: “It’s in Europe.”

Customer: “Oh, you’re from another country! Your English is really good!”

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The Spitting Image Of Ugly

, | Related | March 2, 2012

(I am carrying my three-year-old sister through a fast food restaurant to the bathroom. It’s partly because she had no socks on, but also because she is misbehaving and spitting on the floor.)

Me: “Don’t do that!”

Sister: “Oh, it’s okay! The ugly people will clean it up!”

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