(My mom, my little sister, and I are getting tacos at a restaurant. I am the only one who ordered tacos with a hard shell.)

Me: “I just can’t stand tacos with soft shells. They remind me of a tortilla.”

Mom: “That’s what soft shells are made of!”

Me: “Well, they remind me of a raw tortilla.”

Little Sister: “That’s because they are!”

Me: “They remind me of… I don’t know, an uncooked, soft tortilla!”

Mom & Little Sister: “Because they are!”

Me: “Never mind. I just don’t like them.”

(It is a very busy day, and our small restaurant is crawling with customers. One woman comes in wearing very “fancy” clothing. This is the interaction that followed.)

Woman: “I’ll have a small latte and two cheeseburgers, right now!”

Me: “I’d be happy to serve you, but as you can see we’re very busy right now.”

Woman: “Make it snappy!”

Me: “Okay, ma’am, I’ll try.”

(Not even one minute later, and this happens.)

Woman: “I demand to be served right now!”

Me: “One moment, please.”

Woman: “Do you have any idea who I am?! I can buy and sell you! Do you see my clothes?! I’m f****** rich!”

Me: “With all due respect, ma’am, I have a job to do. Could you please sit down in that room over there, so as to not irritate the other customers?”

Woman: “What did you say!? Did you just tell me to s*** in that room!? Are you implying I’m mad because I haven’t gone to the bathroom!? That is disgusting!”

(At this point my boss has come out to watch, and has been secretly observing the woman for the minute or so. He decides to come out of the shadows and help me out.)

Boss: “Ma’am, you’re disgusting! You think because you have more money than some people, that you are entitled to service before other people, and said that you can buy and sell my employee. I’m going to ask that you get out of my store right now!”

Woman: “Well, I never! I’m not coming here ever again!”

Me & Boss: “Okay, thanks!”

Me: “I would like to have a [cocktail].” *reaches for my driver’s license*

Waiter: “Oh, that’s not necessary. I’ve served you before; I know you’re of age.”

Me: *gives him a puzzled look as I hand him my driver’s license*

Waiter: *looks it over* “…Well, that can’t be right, because today’s your 21st birthday. Happy birthday!”

Me: “Thank you.”

(I’ve ordered delivery and receive a call from the delivery person.)

Delivery Person: “I’m at your door. Why aren’t you answering?”

Me: “No one’s knocking on my door.”

(I open the door and look down the hall. It’s empty.)

Delivery Person: “I’m at apartment [number].”

Me: “I have the door open. Nobody’s here. Are you at 123 A Street?”

Delivery Person: “Yeah, 123!”

Me: “123 A Street?”

Delivery Person: “123!”

Me: “A Street?”

Delivery Person: “123, apartment [number]!”

(I suddenly realize that he’s at the condos on the street behind A Street. The street number of the building is the same as mine, but it’s B Street.)

Me: “I’ll come to you. Go down to the lobby and wait.”

(I get to the condos and there he is.)

Delivery Person: “This is 123!”

Me: “Yes, 123 B Street. I live at 123 A Street.”

Delivery Person: “123!”

Me: *violently swatting at the flies buzzing around my head*

Brother: “Stop it. You’re embarrassing me in front of the flies.”

Me: “I don’t care if I embarrass you in front of poo-eating vermin.”

Brother: “You never like my friends.”