A Pyrhhic Victory

| | Right | November 30, 2007

(Earlier in the day this guy called to make a reservation, even though we were totally booked. The manager decided to take it anyway. When he got to the restaurant, he proceeded to pick his own table though I had no idea he had.)

Me: “Okay sir, just follow me and I can bring you to your table.”

Customer: “But I’ve been waiting for this one.”

Me: “Well, sir, that table is still occupied however I do have an available table for you.”

Customer: “NO! I don’t want that table. I’ve been waiting for this table for 20 minutes now! Why should I go sit at that table when I’ve been waiting for this one!”

Me: “Okay. But just so you know. It’s going to be another 20 minutes before they pay and get up, if they decide to get up after paying. Even then you’d still have to wait for a busser to clear it and another one to reset it and right now they are backed up.”

Customer: “I just don’t understand why I can’t have this table.”

Me, annoyed: “And I don’t understand why you won’t sit at an open table that we have waiting for you where you can sit down and start enjoying your meal now instead of waiting another 30 minutes for THAT table to be ready for you.”

Customer: “Attitude? Are you giving me attitude? I don’t think so buddy!”

Me: “Weelll…”

(At this point the other hostesses gave me a death look to shut up so I gave up. The customers at the table he was waiting for actually did decide to camp out for another hour. By that time we sat the table we were to give him. He ended up waiting an extra hour and a half to be seated.)

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Not Just Any Warm Crunchy Bread, Mind You

| | Right | November 26, 2007

Me: “So, what can I get you?”

Hobo: “I’m pretty hungry so I guess I’ll have…” *stares at menu*

Me, 3 minutes later: “I’ll come ba-”

Hobo: “I want some toast!”

Me: “Okay, toast is all, I’ll be right back.”

Hobo: “Yeah, that’s what I want…french toast.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Hobo: “I want some french toast. How much does that cost?”

Me: “Sorry, sir, we don’t have french toast.”

Hobo: “Then what do you have?”

Me: “Um…toast?”

Hobo: “Toast? What’s that?”

*long pause*

Me: “Warm crunchy bread, sir.”

Hobo: “Yeah, bring me some white, warm crunchy bread!”

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The Surer They Are, The Stupider They Get

, | | Right | November 22, 2007

(I work in a burger stand)

Me: “Welcome, what can I get for you?”

Lady: “I would like a cheeseburger with no cheese.”

Me: “Umm…would you just like a hamburger?”

Lady: “No. I would like specifically a cheeseburger with no cheese.”

Me: “Are you sure? A cheeseburger is 25 cents more than a hamburger.”

Lady: “Yes, I’m sure.”

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The Return Of Captain Obvious

, | | Right | November 21, 2007

Customer in an ice cream shop: “What’s in the Chocolate Caramel Cashew?”

Me: “There’s really no way for me to answer that without sounding like a smarta**.”

Customer: “Why? What’s in it?”

Me: “It’s chocolate ice cream … with caramel … and cashews.”

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Why Asking Why Is A Bad Idea

, | | Right | November 20, 2007

Customer: “Oh, and could I also get a glass of milk?”

Me: “I’m sorry, but we don’t sell milk.”

Customer: “Why not?”

Me: “Well, let’s see, I could make up a reason involving the phrase ‘health codes,’ I could act dumb and just get the manager, or I could just be a total jerk about it, but at the end of the day, you’re still not gonna get a glass of milk, so how about we just skip that whole thing?”

Customer: “…okay.”

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