He Obviously Gets His Smarts From Mom

| | Right | June 19, 2008

Little Boy: “Can I have a medium Icee?”

Me: “Sure! ¬†That’ll be $1.48.”

(The little boy hands me $1.50 and I give him his change.  He scampers off to get his Icee as his dad stomps up.)

Dad: “Can I get another medium Icee for my daughter?”

Me: “Sure, It’s $1.48.”

(The dad pays and I give him his cup.  By this time the boy is back, happily drinking his Icee and standing next to his dad.)

Dad: (rudely) “WELL?! Where’s my Icee!?”

Me: (confused) “Uh, the cup is right there, sir.”

(The little boy is trying to get his dad’s attention to tell him where the Icee machine is located (it’s self serve). However, the dad is ignoring him and yelling at me.)

Dad: “I PAID FOR AN ICEE, NOW WHERE IS MY ICEE!?”

Me: “Sir, the machine is around the corner.”

Dad: “Finally! God, are you simple or something?!”

Me: “!?”

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Don’t Press Your Luck

, | | Right | June 19, 2008

Me: “Welcome to ***, may I take your order?”

Drive-thru customer: “Yeah, I’ll take the double cheeseburger.”

Me: “Okay, would you like to make it a value meal?”

Drive-thru customer: *screaming* “DON’T INSULT MY INTELLIGENCE! IF I WANTED A VALUE MEAL, I WOULD HAVE SAID VALUE MEAL!”

Me: “Fine, that will be $1.87 at window two.”

(He drives up, I take his money and hand him the food.)

Drive-thru customer: “I’m gonna need ketchup for the fries.”

Me: “Sir, you only ordered the sandwich, not the value meal. I can ring up an order of fries now if you’d like.”

Drive-thru customer: “No, you screwed up my order! I’m NOT paying for extra fries!”

(Fed up, I throw some fries in a bag and hand them to him.)

Customer: “Wait, is it too late to substitute onion rings??”

Me: *slams window shut*

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Hulk Smash Weasel Customer

| | Right | June 18, 2008

Me: “Thank you for calling ******, my name is Ken. How may I help you today?”

Customer: “Do you guys make custom deep dish pizza’s?”

Me: “If by ‘custom’ you mean like a chef’s choice, then yes, we do.”

Customer: “And how much is that?”

Me: “Well, a regular sized deep dish, with tax included, will come to $18.01. With that, you get a choice of three toppings.”

Customer: “Great, then gimme a pizza with half pepperoni, sausage, and mushrooms. On the other half I want roasted veggies, bacon, and spinach.

Me: “Okay sir, now I must warn you that your new total comes to $24.37 because you have six items total.”

Customer: “What? No, I have three items on each side. Therefore, I should be fine.”

Me: “Sir, I do apologize for the misunderstanding. While it is true that you have three items on each side, the items are on ONE whole pizza. So, we have to charge you for the three extra toppings.”

Customer: “Now listen here! One regular deep dish is equal to two individuals, correct?”

Me: “Yes, but–”

Customer: “HEY, Shut up for a second! Now, two individuals are equal to one regular. CORRECT?”

Me: “Yes sir, it is.”

Customer: “Now using this logic, I should get my pizza for the price of two individuals.”

Me: “Sir, as much as I would like to agree with you, I simply can’t–”

Customer: “Let me see your manager. It’s obvious I can’t reason with you.”

(My manager comes up to deal with the situation. I walk away from the scene to seat some guests, when I hear…)

Manager: “HEY, 3+3=6, YOU HAVE 6 TOPPINGS, SO YOU OWE $24.37! HAVE A NICE DAY!”

(The guy quietly paid for his food and walked out like someone just threatened his life!)

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Lesson Of The Day: Food Poisoning = Bad

, | | Right | June 16, 2008

(Note: the FDA recently recalled tomatoes because of a salmonella outbreak.)

Me: “… and what veggies would you like on your sandwich?”

Customer: “Lettuce, tomato and onion, that’s all. And some mayo.”

Me: “Sorry, ma’am, we’re not selling tomatoes right now, but I’ll put the rest of that on for you.”

Customer: “What? Why can’t I have tomatoes?”

Me: “Because the FDA is worried that they may be contaminated with salmonella and until we’re sure that ours are safe, we’re not allowed to sell them.”

Customer: “Your tomatoes are contaminated?! How can you sell tomatoes that are contaminated? That’s disgusting! I can’t believe you!”

Me: “Ma’am we’re *NOT* selling them.”

Customer: “Well, why the h*** not?!”

Me: “Because the FDA says they might not be safe and we don’t want our customers to get sick.”

Customer: “Well, that’s stupid. I want tomatoes.”

Me: “Alright, ma’am, but I suggest you leave off the mayonnaise, then.”

Customer: “Umm… okay, why?”

Me: “It tends to taste bad when mixed with salmonella.”

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Just… Wow

, | | Right | June 12, 2008

Customer: “I want the Cheesecake Sandwich with provolone, double meat and extra veggies.”

Me: “The Cheesesteak already comes with double meat. It will be a few extra dollars if I add more. We don’t have provolone, what cheese would you like instead?”

Customer: “You’re kidding, right? I’m not paying $10 for a sandwich! And without provolone! Just give me the extra meat, you don’t have to weigh it exactly. No one will know!”

Me: “I’m sorry, I can’t do that.”

(I weigh the meat to the correct portion and put it on the sandwich.)

Customer: “That’s too much meat! What are you doing?”

Me: “Actually, this is the correct portion. Would you like me to take some off?

Customer: “Only if you lower the price. I said add more meat, so ADD it! And why don’t you have provolone? ***’s has it… and where are the veggies?”

Me: “It typically doesn’t come with them, but I can add tomato, onions, lettuce, olives or mushrooms.”

Customer: “I can only pick ONE?”

Me: “No… any or all of them.”

Customer: “All of those are gross! God, who would eat that?”

Me: “… so no veggies?”

Customer: “Are they free?”

Me: “Yes…”

Customer: “Put them all on, and I’ll just pick off whatever I don’t like.”

Me: “Okay, thank you…” *smiling, thinking it’s over*

(After I finish the sub, the customer argues with the cashier over the price of the sub, demanding a discount.)

Customer: “This place is so expensive and I can’t even get provolone! The veggies are all mixed together! This isn’t like *** at all! I didn’t even want half of them! Where is your manager?”

Me: “Hi, can I help you?”

Customer: “You again!”

(The customer makes a pissed off face, and then opens the sub. They start picking it apart on the counter.)

Customer: “Your cashier is trying to ring me up, but that’s not the price!¬†Refund me or I’m never coming here again!”

Me: “Actually, I just made that for you. You didn’t want the meat removed, so it is that price. I can remake it if you’d like, with less meat. Or would you still like a refund?”

Customer: “Never mind!” *throws sub in trash and leaves without paying*

(Just… wow.)

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