The Surer They Are, The Stupider They Get

, | | Right | November 22, 2007

(I work in a burger stand)

Me: “Welcome, what can I get for you?”

Lady: “I would like a cheeseburger with no cheese.”

Me: “Umm…would you just like a hamburger?”

Lady: “No. I would like specifically a cheeseburger with no cheese.”

Me: “Are you sure? A cheeseburger is 25 cents more than a hamburger.”

Lady: “Yes, I’m sure.”

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The Return Of Captain Obvious

, | | Right | November 21, 2007

Customer in an ice cream shop: “What’s in the Chocolate Caramel Cashew?”

Me: “There’s really no way for me to answer that without sounding like a smarta**.”

Customer: “Why? What’s in it?”

Me: “It’s chocolate ice cream … with caramel … and cashews.”

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Why Asking Why Is A Bad Idea

, | | Right | November 20, 2007

Customer: “Oh, and could I also get a glass of milk?”

Me: “I’m sorry, but we don’t sell milk.”

Customer: “Why not?”

Me: “Well, let’s see, I could make up a reason involving the phrase ‘health codes,’ I could act dumb and just get the manager, or I could just be a total jerk about it, but at the end of the day, you’re still not gonna get a glass of milk, so how about we just skip that whole thing?”

Customer: “…okay.”

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No Problem, We Have A Cow Out Back

, , | | Right | November 14, 2007

Me: “Hi, welcome to [Restaurant]! Can I get you something to drink?”

Elderly Customer: *pounds fists on table* “I WANT BEEF!”

Me: “O… k… If you’re ready to order, I could get you our [Roast Beef Entree]?”

Elderly Customer: “I don’t care. I just want beef!”

Me: “Okay…” *sighs*

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… And This Is Before He Got Buzzed

| | Right | November 13, 2007

Winemaker: “…as you taste this pinot you might notice flavors like cherry, vanilla, and roasted meat.”

Taster: “Wow, yeah! That’s amazing. Do you put all that stuff right in the barrels?”

Winemaker: “Ummm…no. Wine is only the fermented juice of the grapes. Those flavors come from the soil…”

Taster: “Oh I see. So you bury it all around the plants.”

Taster’s Girlfriend: “Honey, we should go.”

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