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Boldly Punning

| USA | Geeks Rule

(My family and I are out to eat, when I seen our waiter’s name is Scotty. I am a big nerd and a fan of Star Trek.)

Waiter: “Would you like some cheese on your soup, miss?”

Me: “Cheese me up, Scotty!”

(The waiter then burst out laughing and told me I made his week.)

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Enough To Tip The Cup

| Philadelphia, PA, USA | Bad Behavior, Money, Popular

(I am a server at a restaurant right on a main road. It gets really busy sometimes and I am struggling to keep up. I finish taking my orders and turn to see one of my tables had a tip on it, so I grab the money and ask if I can help her with anything before she goes.)

Customer: “Yes. You forgot my to-go cup.”

(I look at her drink. It’s basically empty but I smile and turn to go get the cup.)

Customer: “See these bottom feeders? They only work for you when the money’s on the table.”

(I heard her as I was walking away and was fuming. I walked back, firmly put her to-go cup down, then looking her dead in the eye, slammed the tip back down with it and walked away to take my next table’s order. Your three dollar tip on an 80+ dollar bill was not worth my pride.)

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The Mother Of All Bad Customers

, | Salt Lake City, UT, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Popular

(I work at a very popular fast food place. It’s Friday night, so we’re incredibly packed. I’m on front register, which I rarely do; I usually always make the food. Despite this, I have no affiliation with the drive-thru, as I’m trying to take care of all my customers by myself. A woman comes up almost behind the counter and starts SCREAMING at me, interrupting the customer’s order I’m currently taking.)

Customer: “THIS IS A F****ING JOKE! I HAVE BEEN IN THE DRIVE-THRU FOR 20 F****ING MINUTES AND NO ONE HAS TAKEN MY ORDER!”

(The store goes silent as this woman is almost yelling bloody murder.)

Me: “I apologize, ma’am! I am currently serving customers up front but I can grab my manager for you!”

Customer: “BULL****! I USED TO WORK AT THIS F***ING DUMP AND WE USED TO STAND OUTSIDE IN THE RAIN AND TAKE ORDERS BY HAND! YOU’RE ALL A BUNCH OF LAZY MOTHERF***ERS! GET OUTSIDE AND TAKE MY ORDER!”

Me: *dumbfounded*, but trying to get my line back in order as she storms out*

Next Customer: “What a f****** b****. I’m sorry. I can’t believe people get off on screaming at hard workers over food. I’ve always loved how well you guys work here, and I don’t mind waiting for good food.”

Coworker: *head down, in shame* “That was my mom. She’s so embarrassing.”

(I later found out she cut in line and screamed at a manager of mine until she cried. I still boil remembering this transaction, but I still feel awful for my coworker. I heard he went home and told her off royal and she hasn’t tried it again.)

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How Do You Like Dem Apple Pies?

, | Fulton, MS, USA | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

(I work at a very popular fast food chain. This happens around 10:30 pm. I am working the drive-thru window.)

Me: “Welcome to [Restaurant]! How may I help you?”

Customer: “I would like to order two apple pies, please.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but we only have one apple pie left for the night. Is there anything else you would like along with that pie?”

Customer: “How much is one pie?”

Me: “Eighty-nine cents.”

Customer: “Aren’t they two for a dollar?”

Me: “It’s $1.19, actually. Plus tax, it’s $1.27.”

Customer: “You can just sell me that pie for fifty cents then.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I’m not allowed to do that.”

Customer: “Well, it’s not my d*** fault you idiots don’t have stuff prepared for customers like you should, so I should get the pie for half the price.”

Me: “Ma’am, I am sorry, but I cannot give-”

Customer: “Stop talking and listen! I’m offering to pay for the d*** thing, so you’re not GIVING me anything!”

(By this time, I’m fed up and I decide to tell my manager about it. While I am explaining what is happening to my manager, the woman is still cussing into my headset. My manager has on a headset as well, so she hears the whole thing. Right as she is about to intervene, the woman blows up completely.)

Customer: “You know what? F*** this s***! F*** this company and f*** you! I will file a complaint on your a** and have you fired, you stupid f****** b****!”

Me: *turns headset back on* “Oh, please do, ma’am. You’ll be doing me the biggest favor.”

(The woman drove off, but she never filed a complaint and I still have my job. I always make sure we have a few apple pies left over towards the night in case I ever have to encounter someone as stupid as her again.)

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Too Many Cheesecakes Spoil The Soup

| Fairfax, VA, USA | Food & Drink

(My partner and I go out for dinner after a 12-hour shift and it’s late at night. All of us, including our waitress, are showing our exhaustion by being a little silly.)

Waitress: “Are you guys ready to order?”

Me: “Yes, I’d like the oreo cheesecake. And the soup.”

Waitress: “I’m sorry, the cheesecake and the what?”

Me: “The soup.”

Waitress: “The… soo? I’m sorry I don’t quite understand you?”

Partner: “The soup. And it’s okay if you’re confused, because it doesn’t make any sense that she ordered just soup and cheesecake.”

Me: “I’m an adult! I want the cheesecake!”

Waitress: “You know what you want, and that’s right, you ARE an adult! A cheesecake and the soup of the day for you.”

Me: “Thanks!” *to partner* “Sorry for being weird.”

Partner: “It’s all right, dear; it’s great you know what you want.”

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