Come What ‘May’

, | UK | Language & Words

(I’m the customer here. I go to the counter and ask:)

Me: “Please may I have [Burger Meal] with a [Soda]?”

(The girl at the counter gets that deer-in-the-headlights look, and then recovers.)

Employee: “’Please may I have’… That’s so NICE. People usually say ‘I WANT.’ How nice!”

(I just thought it was kind of sad that me saying such a little thing like “please” made her day.)

Giving Them Something To Wine About

| The Netherlands | Bad Behavior, Criminal & Illegal, Food & Drink

(I work at a casual restaurant. Every month our restaurant carries a specialty wine, and every table has one bottle on it for decoration, together with a sign explaining the grapes and the origin of the wine. This month’s wine is a crisp French Chardonnay, best enjoyed cold. It’s August and it’s insanely hot outside. Two ladies are sitting at a table in the corner, and at one point I notice one of the ladies grab the decorative wine bottle, refilling her and her friend’s glasses. The bottle’s empty. Then she sneakily hides the bottle behind the potted plant on the table. I decide to approach.)

Me: “Ladies?”

Woman #1: *tipsy* “Oh. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to do that, you know. It was out of habit!”

Me: “If you wanted another glass of wine you should have just asked. We’ll have to charge you €18 for that bottle.”

Woman #2: “Don’t you take that tone with me! You know what? I liked you right up until now. You gave us great service but this is just ridiculous!”

Me: “Excuse me? I’m being the ridiculous one here?”

Woman #2: “It’s ridiculous! And your wine is disgusting anyway. IT’S ALL WARM!”

(Yes, it was very odd that a bottle of wine that had been out for a week in sweltering hot weather was warm and undrinkable. The best part — after they had left, Woman #1 came back. She pulled another full bottle of wine out of her purse, that she had stolen from another table, and gave it back to me. She said her friend had put her up to doing it but she felt badly…)

Turning A Clean Drink Dirty

| The Netherlands | Funny Names, Language & Words

Customer: *looking over our menu* “Do you have any smutties?”

Me: “I’m… I’m sorry, could you repeat that please? I didn’t quite catch that.”

Customer: “Do you have smutties?”

Me: “Do we have… smutties?”

Customer: “Yeah! Smutties!”

Me: “I’m sorry, I don’t think I’ve ever heard of that. What is it exactly?”

Customer: “Oh, really?! It’s a drink. With fruit and yoghurt and stuff.”

Me: “Oh — OH! SMOOTHIES! No, I’m sorry, we don’t have any smoothies…”

Don’t Give Them An Inch

, | Kangaroo Flat, VIC, Australia | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

(I had just handed a customer the bag containing the burger she had just ordered. She proceeds to open the bag, peer in at the cardboard clam containing the burger, up at the menu display, back into the bag, then back to the menu board. Finally, she looks at me.)

Customer: “Is this the same burger as up there?” *points to menu board*

Me: “Yes, it is; is there a problem?”

Customer: “It doesn’t look like it. I mean, it’s not exactly big enough, is it?”

(I look up at the menu board, where this particular burger is displayed as being at least ten inches tall and eight inches wide.)

Me: “Umm… so you wanted your [Burger] to be about ten inches tall?”

Customer: “Of course.”

(She then walked off mumbling about ‘misleading’ advertising.)

Repeatedly Unthankful

| Davie, FL, USA | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Holidays

(I am supervising Thanksgiving day at our restaurant and since it is one of the most busiest days of the year, I am stuck at the host stand. We are filled up with reservations from 10 am to 11 pm while any walk-ins have to wait two or more hours for a table or cancellation. I have a very long line of reservations trying to check in when a lady of about 55 shoves her way through and starts saying something in Spanish.)

Me: “I’m sorry but I don’t speak Spanish. How can I help you?”

Customer: *grunts and sighs angrily now that she has to speak English* “I have a reservation and I would like to be seated now.”

Me: “No problem. But this line is all reservations that need to check in. You would have to wait your turn.”

Customer: *looks at me like I’m crazy* “But I have a reservation and I’m hungry now.”

Me: *not wanting to deal with a fight since the line was only getting longer* “Fine. What’s your name?”

Customer: *gives name while calling all the (eight) people outside* “Can this go any faster? My grandkids are very hungry.”

Me: “One moment. Let me find your reservation.” *a minute later* “Ma’am, I’m not seeing that name. What time did you make the reservation for?”

Customer: “I made it for noon.”

Me: *I try not to laugh since it is hours after that* “Ma’am, it is now 4:10. Unfortunately, we gave your table away since you were not here at 12 pm to check in.”

Customer: *looking at me like I’m an idiot* “No. You’re supposed to hold the table until I get here. Why is this so hard?”

Me: “We hold the table for 15 minutes and call you. This reservation is four hours old and for four people, not eight.”

Customer: “What’s the difference! Just give me a table NOW! Don’t make me talk to the manager.”

Me: “I am the manager on the floor today. Now, I need you to step aside so I can check these people in. You will have to wait until there’s an open table since your reservation expired at 12:15.”

Customer: “What?! Who eats Thanksgiving at noon?! Why did you think I’d be here at that time?! I want to see your boss!”

Me: “You made the reservation for 12 so we assumed you’d like to eat at that time. I will put you on the waiting list which could be two hours or so. I am the manager on the floor today since both my bosses are either cooking or home. Thank you and please step aside.” *I talk to the person behind her* “Hello, checking in?”

Customer: “I’m not finished! I demand to be seated!”

Me: *losing all patience* “You can have a seat outside and wait for your pager to go off.”

(She storms out of the building ranting and raving. She sits and they wait. I finally seat them at about 7 pm. She tries to tell the server that she is getting free apps since we lost her reservation. This is after she complains about her table. I walk over in front of her table and loudly tell the server, “No free apps or discounts. She made the error. Not us.” Her family all looks pissed off at her. She eats and is a huge pain the whole time. Then she tries to fight the 18% tip that is added on. Again, I walk over to the table.)

Me: “Ma’am… The tip is not optional. Our staff is working on a big holiday so your family can enjoy it together. It even states on our menus that the tip will be added and cannot be waived.”

(The lady had finally had enough. She and her family got up and left. 20 minutes later, her son came back in and apologized to me. He handed me $20 bucks and the server another $20. He said he was happy someone put his mom in her place instead of bending over to make her happy. I ended up taking the $20 and buying drinks for everyone who helped me with the table.)

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