Setting Of A Smoker Gun

| Anaheim, CA, USA | Crazy Requests

(I work in a very touristy area and we are constantly busy with many families with children due to the attractions there. In the state of California, it is illegal to smoke 20 feet within most buildings, especially restaurants, and my company has a strict rule on that…)

Guest: *standing just right outside smoking a cigarette with smoke coming into the restaurant*

Me: “Excuse me, sir. I’m sorry, but I’m going to have to ask you to move just beyond those green trashcans over there to smoke.”

Guest: *smiles at me and instead of moving forward towards the trashcans, he just takes a step to the side*

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, it’s that way. Please.”

Guest: *smiles and suddenly takes off*

(I think the guest was gone but next thing I know he comes storming back up to me, no cigarette.)

Guest: “You cannot make up your own rules you know.”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Guest: “That was rude! You cannot tell me where to smoke and not smoke.”

Me: “Sir, it’s actually California State Law that prohibits smoking within 20 feet of most establishments.”

Guest: “Law? LAW?! WELL THEN, STROLLERS SHOULD BE BANNED!”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Guest: “YOU HEARD ME! Strollers should be banned! They’re illegal! As I was standing over there, I got ran over by them, not once, not twice, but multiple times! They should be banned.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Guest: “IT’S ASSAULT AND BATTERY! IT’S ILLEGAL!”

Me: “Uh…”

Guest: “YOU ARE A VERY RUDE PERSON! Can’t just make up s***! YOU ARE VERY RUDE!”

(And he stormed off yelling a few other things about me and soon just disappeared.)

Tapas On Tap

, | UK | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

(We’re a tapas bar, so lots of small portions. We usually recommend two-three per person. Tonight, we’ve got a lot of bookings but can sometimes fit people in for limited slots of time. Two customers come in without a reservation, and it’s around 6:30 pm.)

Me: “Well, I can fit you in now, but I’m afraid we’ll need the table back by 7:30.”

Customer #1: “That’s loooads of time. We’re only getting something light.”

Me: “Okay, here you go!” *hands over tapas menu*

(A few minutes later, I approach for drinks.)

Customer #1: “A bottle of [Wine], please.”

Me: “A bottle… Okay!”

(A few more minutes later.)

Me: “And can I take a food order?”

Customer #2: “Yeah, so I’m like really hungry so I’m going to have like everything.” *laughs maniacally and lists almost everything, about seven items*

Customer #1: “Oh, he is hungry! Okay I’ll just have [five more items].”

Me: “…no problem.”

(Their “something light” turned into me having to squeeze extra chairs onto a tiny table for an actual booking because, of course, these two hadn’t left in time.)

Ehrrenge Is The New Orange

, | FL, USA | Food & Drink, Language & Words

(I am taking orders over the drive-thru speaker.)

Me: “What would you like to drink with that?”

Customer: “Ehrrenge soda.”

Me: *figuring he meant orange soda* “Sir, we don’t have orange soda.”

Customer: “Ehrrenge soda!” *really emphasizing the ‘errrrr’ sounds and making it sound like only one syllable*

Me: “We don’t have orange; can I get you something else?”

Customer: *loudly* “I want errrnge soda!”

Me: *in the same loud volume* “Sir, we ain’t got no errrnge soda!”

Customer: *in completely normal voice* “Oh, okay. I’ll have Coke.”

(He pulls around and my coworkers are laughing hysterically. I guess I just had to say it in a way he would understand. To this day we call orange “errnnnge”.)

His Attitude Belongs In A Zoo

| Kirksville, MO, USA | Bigotry

(I work in a local mom-and-pop restaurant. There’s a guy who comes in a few nights a week, drinks tea, and tries to chat up the waitresses, especially the new girls. This is the exchange that happens on my first night while I’m clearing off a nearby table. I’ve learned since then to avoid him.)

Customer: “So what are you going to do with your life?”

Me: “I’m hoping to get a job as a zookeeper.”

Customer: “A zookeeper? You’re going to need to get yourself a husband to pay for your life.”

Me: “…”

A Faulty Sandwich

, | FL, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

Customer: “This sandwich is supposed to be no tomatoes and it’s supposed to have cheese on it.”

Me: “Sorry about that. I’ll remake it for you”

(I turn to get a new sandwich. I come back and the customer’s husband is standing next to her.)

Husband: “I asked for no cheese. This has cheese on it. And where’s my tomato?

Me: “Um, it looks like you guys were eating each other’s sandwiches”

Customer: “Well, who’s fault is that?”

Me: *to husband* “I’m not going to answer that one, but I’ll make you a new sandwich since your correct sandwich has already been thrown away.”

(Two perfectly good sandwiches in the trash and two replacements later, I wish I could say this was uncommon.)

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